Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

Jaylinn walks out first and stops when she notices me. I look her in the eyes, her lips are thin but she keeps walking. Hailey hasn’t noticed me yet, which is even better because she can’t lock herself in the bathroom. Damn. She looks good but I can tell she isn’t eating, she’s lost some weight and her eyes aren’t their normal pool blue color. They are more like a dull grey now.

She walks out of the bathroom with her head down, texting on her phone, so I take advantage of that and step right in front of her.

“Shit, I’m …” she stops when she looks up and sees me.

I smirk, I know it’s an asshole move but I can’t help it. Just that little touch from her has my body on fire. Who would have ever thought, the playboy Cahill is turning into such a pussy. “No need to be sorry.”

She tries to go around me but I step in front of her, careful not to touch her. “Move, please.”

“Talk to me, Hails, yell at me, hit me. Just do something.” I beg.

“I’m not doing any of that, Mason, we’re done.”

I flinch.

She is calm. No emotions, no flames in her eyes, just blank. Empty.

“We’re not done and you know it, Hailey. What you saw with Lily never happened.” She looks intently into my eyes, I stare right back. “I know what it looked like it, call it shitty timing but I never touched her. She has nothing on you, Hailey.” I want to keep going until she believes me but I can tell I’m not going to get through to her, she’s closed me off.

She laughs, “You actually expect me to believe that? You looked like a deer in headlights; like you were caught doing something you shouldn’t have been.”

“I didn’t fucking touch her, Hailey.” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. “Believe what you want, I have no reason to lie to you. You want us to be over, fine whatever. At least I tried. Can you say the same?”

She looks like I kicked her puppy but then her phone lights up, she types out a text and then slips it in her back pocket and steels her emotions again. “Yeah, I did try, for how many years Mase? Look, I’m here with someone. I’m sure you’ve moved on, you never could keep a girl around for that long.” She smiles, she fucking smiles at me. “Why I ever thought I could finally be the one to settle Mason Cahill was beyond me.”

She looks over my shoulder and her smile widens. “Hailey,” I hear from behind me.

“Hey Cole, I’m coming.”

She glances at me, and this time as she tries to walk around me I let her go. I turn and watch her walk away; she stops where Cole is standing and places her hand on his chest and then kisses him. I clench my fist, wanting to wreck this guy. He has my girl. I take a deep breath, checking my emotions. On any other given day I would have fought him but he isn’t to blame for any of this shit. Protecting my family, once again, gave me the shitty end of the deal. I use my better judgment, which doesn’t happen often, and walk right past them.

As soon as I walk around the corner Cooper throws his arm around my shoulder, “I’m proud of you dude. I saw Cole heading this way and I thought I would have to step in.” He hands me a shot and I down it.

He drops his arm and I give him a pat on the back, “Thanks man.”

We walk back to the table where Jaylinn is all smiles. “What did you do with my hot headed Mason?” she asks me.

I laugh, “Smartass. Now you owe me a shot.”

“Done.” She flags down a waitress and orders shots for me and Cooper.

I purposely keep my eyes away from Hailey for the rest of the night. A few girls come over to our table and sit with us for a while but I know Hailey is looking so I keep them at a distance. I f there is a chance of me getting Hailey back I can’t have these girls hanging all over me.

It’s near closing when I finally see Hailey out of the corner of my eye; she is dancing with Jaylinn. I try not to look but fuck I can’t help it and of course I have a fucking hard on watching her sway her hips back and forth the way she is.

Cooper is watching me; I can feel his eyes on me. I look over at him and sure enough he is. He nods his head towards them and gets up from the booth. I don’t follow right away; I need a minute to calm myself down.

As soon as my feet hit the dance floor the perfect song for Hailey and I comes on, Changed By You by Between The Trees. I heard when I was traveling to one of my away games. I wanted to have Hailey listen to it but that never happened. Maybe this is a sign for us after all.

Hailey’s back is turned towards me; I don’t see her arm candy anywhere so I know I am in the clear, at least for now. I walk up behind her, slide both my arms around her and rest my hands low on her stomach. Her body responds like it always has, and she melts into me; fitting together like puzzle pieces.

I whisper in her ear, “Listen to the words. Just listen.”

She nods, for once not fighting me. We start moving, slowly. Very slowly. As the words start talking about change, taking care, melting fears away, reaching inside and seeing the real person, being the one. As the song continues her body becomes stiff and she trembles.

I start turning her around, never giving her enough space to push away from me, afraid I’d lose our connection. “You’re the one for me, Hailey. I’m letting you go for now but know you will always be the one for me. You can hate me all you want.” I kiss her forehead. “You’re my mirror; you make me see things that no one else can, not even Coop. You challenge me, you tear me down, and you build me back up. Somewhere along the way you lost your mirror, me. When you’re ready to see it again you know where to find me.”

Inhaling her warm vanilla scent that I love into my memory, I pull her in and hug her tight. Slowly her arms circle me and I feel her body shudder, I tilt her chin up so that I can see her. Tears are flowing freely and it is another stab in my heart. She stands up on her tiptoes and places a gentle kiss on my lips.

The kiss was too quick and before I know it she is running into Cole’s open arms.

Fuck, what did I just do?

Cole is my saving grace tonight. He came after me with no questions asked when I sent him a text that Mason had me cornered in the hallway near the bathrooms. Then again, right before I was about to say “screw everything” and take Mason back, he appeared, and seeing him brought me back to reality. Seeing Cole reminds me that Mason isn’t mine because he cheated on me; or at least that is definitely what it looked like.

As we stand here on the dance floor, holding each other, I feel calm even though my heartbeat is erratic, I feel secure even though I know I am anything but, and I feel like a weight has been lifted even though that is furthest from the truth. I need to be strong and stand my ground with Mason; it’s the only way with him. If I cave and go running back to him he’ll just keep breaking my heart.

“You ok?” Cole whispers in my ear.

I’m able to muster up a small smile, “I am now.”

He doesn’t ask what just happened and I’m grateful for that. “You ready to get out of here?”

I nod, Cole squeezes me one last time before he lets go. He reaches up and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. Once all my tears are dry he reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. Even though I only met Cole this afternoon I feel comfortable with him. Cole and I could become great friends; I almost feel like he knows what I’m going through. Maybe one day he’ll tell me his past. As for me telling Cole about mine, I don’t have a choice - he seems to be seeing it unfold right before his eyes.

As we start to walk off the dance floor I know Mason isn’t here anymore, I can’t feel him. I look over my shoulder in search of Jaylinn, I don’t want to be rude and not say goodbye, even though I know she would understand. She is still wrapped in Cooper’s arms, swaying back and forth. My heart aches and when she sees me she waves her goodbye and Cooper winks at me.

Our way back to my house its quiet, I hate it. It’s making me think of Mason and how badly I want to be with him. Locked behind closed doors where the real Mason is. Not the one everyone else knows; the bad ass Mason Cahill, the unattainable one. I want to run my fingers in his dark thick hair, stare into his stormy blue eyes, and engulf my body into his rock hard one.

“You want to talk about it?” Cole finally breaks the silence.

We’re about five blocks away from my house and those five blocks seem like miles away. I want to run into my bedroom, dive into my bed and bury myself in there for days until I can overcome this heartache. “No, I’m good.” I rest my head back against the headrest.

“He was the one, huh?” Cole questions.

I can’t answer him; I know my voice will tell the truth, so I just shake my head.

“I thought I’d found mine too. We were high school sweethearts.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “We actually knew each other growing up, our parents were friends. It was like we were set up to be together way back then.”

He stops talking; he is staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel hard. I wait a few minutes before I ask, “What happened?”

Cole looks over at me, so many emotions flash over his face, “She broke my heart.”

We leave the conversation at that. He doesn’t want to tell me how and I’m ok with that because I’m not ready to tell him what Mason did to me just yet. We pull into my driveway and all the lights are off, except the front porch. We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us in a hurry for the night to end.