Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

He laughs and shakes his head, “They’re too much trouble.”

I wasn’t expecting that answer.

“Seriously?”

Red flag!

I step out of the house, then turn to shut and lock the door. Cole answers, “Seriously. I don’t have time and I don’t want some girl just hanging around waiting for me. I’m not sure where the band is going right now and it wouldn’t be fair to her. I’ve had my fair share of girls and I’ve seen what that situation can do to someone. I don’t want that for anyone else. But, when I do find a girl I really like, I’ll stay with her. I won’t go off looking for my bed mate like some of the other guys in the band.”

I study him for a moment. Who is this guy? Cole is perfect, almost too perfect.

He must be a damn mind reader. “Don’t do that. I’m not perfect by any means. I’ve lost my best friend and I’ll never do that to myself again.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise, “Are you a mind reader or something? I think I should know ahead of time if you are. It’s only fair.”

He throws his head back and laughs, the emotions of that pending conversation successfully diverted. I’m not ready to air my dirty laundry just yet.

His phone starts ringing and he quickly digs it out of his pocket and answers, “Yo,”

He motions his head towards the car and I follow. I am a little taken back when I see his black Dodge Charger sitting in my driveway. I don’t know what I was expecting him to drive, but it wasn’t this.

He smiles when he opens the door for me, “I’ll be there in ten minutes, relax. And tell the guys to act right; I’m bringing someone with me.”

He sighs loudly as he shuts the door and officially closes me out of the conversation as he walks around and climbs in his side. “Sorry about that. The guys are a bunch of assholes sometimes. I’ll apologize in advance for them.”

“It’s no problem; I’ve got experience dealing with assholes. If you’ve met Mason, you’d know exactly what I was talking about.” I ramble on.

“Mason?” Cole questions.

Damn, I hadn’t meant to bring him up. “Yeah, Mason is the ex.”

He cringes, “You don’t happen to mean Mason Cahill do you?”

I nod and Cole curses under his breath. I rest my head against the headrest and close my eyes before I speak, “It’s ok if you don’t want me to go with you. I’d understand.”

“No. No, that’s not it at all.” I open my eyes and look over at Cole as he starts backing out of my driveway. “No offense or anything but from what I’ve heard around town, it didn’t sound like he had a girlfriend.”

My stomach clenches. No, of course it wouldn’t, because Mason is a flirt and totally full of himself.

Cole curses again, “Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You seem like a great girl and I’m not really sure what the hell you’re doing with a guy like that but I’m sure there is a reason.”

Yeah, he’s the love of my life and the one who crushed my heart.

“Let’s not talk about our pasts, ok? It’s a bit touchy and I don’t want to think about that tonight. I just want to go out and have a great time.”

Cole smiles and says, “Deal.”

“Deal.”

He grabs my hand and we make our way to the bar. In this moment I am content with him holding my hand and not talking about our pasts. I haven’t been content in a while and I am determined to stay that way; at least for tonight. I need to find the Hailey that I used to be before someone crushed her. Someone named Mason Cahill. Yep, I’m so not thinking about him tonight.

Thankfully things work out and we have home games this week. This is good for Cooper and I, we won’t have any problems attending Hunter and MacKenzie’s wedding. It’s Wednesday night and we’ve just wrapped up another winning game, I want to go to a bar and get drunk; I need the numbness that it provides. Being home is driving me crazy because I can’t go to Hailey’s house and bury myself in her like I want to. I’ve driven past her house a few times and every time her car is there. I try to pump MacKenzie for information on her but she tells me to fuck off. I’m not surprised, they’re like sisters; but still I’m her blood, she could at least give me something. I even tried Hunter but he told me he’s not getting in the middle.

Cooper and I are renting a house near Hunter and MacKenzie since it’s pointless to spend the money to buy one when we’re barely there. It works for us, the house is a split-level, Cooper takes the lower half and I have the upper. The only thing we share is the laundry room. Jaylinn stays here when we’re on the road, just to keep things up for us and to get our mail. I’m still not really sure what is going on with them. Cooper used to bang random girls all the time, and then something changed between him and Jaylinn while we were away at school. I haven’t seen Cooper with anyone in months, that’s like a lifetime for him.

Jaylinn is never far from Cooper when they are both in town, I mean never. She comes to every home game that she can when she isn’t away for one of her soccer games and always spends the night with Cooper when they are both home. I see them kiss and they flirt all the damn time and it’s to the point of disgust. Cooper worships the ground Jaylinn walks on. I’ve talked to Cooper about Jaylinn but he just says they’re friends and dismisses the conversation. I don’t know what is going on with him. He used to talk to me about everything.

This Brittany shit is eating me up inside but in the pit of my stomach I feel like it could be true. Cooper was sleeping around a lot before, maybe he really did it. I know I have to talk to him but I’m just trying to figure out a good time to do it. I figure I’ll wait until after the wedding, it is only a few days away. No-one needs the drama at this wedding.

I’m sitting on the couch watching highlights of the day’s baseball games on ESPN when Cooper comes up, “You ready to go? Jay wants to check out this band that’s playing at the bar tonight.”

I click off the TV, flip my black Yankees hat backwards on my head, and grab my wallet and phone. “Let’s go.”

We walk out just as Jaylinn is pulling into the driveway. Coop rides shotgun and I climb in the back seat.

Cooper leans over and kisses her on the cheek, “Hey sexy.”

She giggles and looks in her rearview mirror; I lean up and kiss her cheek, “Hey hot stuff.”

She continues to giggle while Cooper turns and glares at me. I call it how I see it, she’s hot. She always has been and the older she gets the better she looks, from what I can see she’s wearing a black dress and her eyes are all smoky colored, like how Hailey does hers all the time. Cooper’s gonna have one hand on her all night I’m sure. I guess I’m flying solo tonight. Nothing new there.

“You gonna behave tonight Masey?” Jaylinn asks. She’s the only one who I will let call me Masey, she always has.

I laugh, “Do I ever?” I try to keep the smile on my face but she sees right through me. She knows I’m thinking about Hailey but am too damn stubborn to admit it. I miss the hell out of her, which is why I’m drinking myself stupid. Things haven’t changed since we split, the only way I can turn off the hurt is to drink until I pass out. I tried to stop and I did manage it for a few days, but it was too much. Nothing stops the heartache.

“Nope, I guess not.” She says. Cooper grunts.

“So who are we seeing tonight? Coop said there is a band playing?” I ask, needing a distraction from Hailey.

“It’s a band called Waking Beats. Chloe and I have heard them a few times and I really like them.” She answers. “We’re gonna have some fun tonight, you and Coop can drink and I’ll be DD. That’s why I drove anyway.” She reaches over and grabs Cooper’s hand.

The rest of the drive is pretty quiet, thankfully. We find a parking spot in the back of the lot and make our way in. We walk up to the bar, order our drinks and then try and find a booth, which we just happen to be lucky enough to get, in the back of the bar. Hopefully we won’t be noticed that much in the shadows from the stage. Sometimes being home is a pain in the ass. It’s hard to go unnoticed now that Cooper and I have moved up to the minor leagues and our team is having a fantastic year.

Cooper and Jaylinn are both looking at me with worried looks on their faces. “What?” I ask.

Jaylinn looks towards the stage and Cooper curses under his breath as he reaches for his beer.

“What?” I ask again.

Cooper looks down, Jaylinn hasn’t moved so I followed her gaze and I feel like someone has kicked me in my stomach. Hailey is sitting at a table near the stage with a bunch of guys and the one guy with a black shirt on has his arm hung over the back of her chair.

I start to slowly scoot out of the booth, my intention is to go and claim my girl but Cooper stops me, “Mase, don’t. Leave it alone; you can’t go over there all caveman like I know you fucking want to.”

Yeah because I’m fucking protecting my damn family, again!

He’s right though, that’s exactly what I would have done and she would have been more pissed because she hates the extra attention. I take my hat off and throw it on the table and run my hands through my hair, pulling on it hard.

Jaylinn clears her throat and excuses herself to go to the bathroom, I look over towards Hailey and she is gone too. I’m sure they were meeting there, girl code or some shit. This is my chance to talk to her; I put my hat back on and pull it down so my face is shielded. Cooper calls my name but I don’t want to hear it.

I stand outside the bathroom, waiting for them to exit; she can’t avoid me. I’m blocking her only way out. She’s going to talk to me one way or another.