N. Walters - Touch of Topaz

He shrugged. “So. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.” He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger and leaned in closer. “All those meals we shared, movies we watched, arguments about business and politics, they were all real.”

She closed her eyes, needing to escape the intensity of his gaze. “But the situation wasn’t a normal one. What happens when the day-to-day drudgery sets in and I’m nagging you to pick up your socks off the floor or you’re pissed off because I don’t want to go skydiving or something?”

He kissed her and her eyes flew open. He took her hands in his and gave them a squeeze. “First of all, I’m neat. I don’t leave my socks on the floor. If we’d been sharing a bed these past weeks you’d already know that. As for skydiving or anything else like that, if I want to do it I can always ask Jake to go with me. I don’t expect you to be anything other than what you are.”

He was refuting all her arguments one by one. Still, she was unsure what to do about them. She was beginning to think the problem wasn’t with John at all, but with her. It was an eye-opening revelation and something she needed to consider.

John brought her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles one by one. “Every relationship has challenges, Topaz. Life doesn’t come with guarantees. But we can make this work.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet beside him. “Only you can decide if what we have is worth the risk to you. I think it is. And I’m willing to give it everything I’ve got.”

He stepped down off the rock and helped her down. “Let’s go back to the cabin and get something warm to drink. I don’t want you to get a chill.”

Topaz walked beside him, her mind scrambling to come up with an argument to refute his. But as much as she tried, she couldn’t. Bottom line, she had to decide if she was willing to take a chance on John and on herself.

Topaz slipped her cellphone back into her purse and tried not to feel the clock ticking down on their time together. Susie had assured her that Sisters’ Jewels was running just fine and she should take her time in coming back to work.

It was depressing to think the business could function so well without her. But it was also a testament to her skill as a businesswoman. She’d trained all her staff extremely well. Yes, she’d have piles of paperwork to deal with and then there was the Christmas line to finalize. It might only be March, but in retail that meant it was time to start planning for the big holiday season.

There were also several messages from both her sisters and her mother, demanding to know where she was. She thought about answering them, but wasn’t up to an inquisition, not when she was so uncertain herself.

She rubbed a hand over her face and wondered what the hell she was going to do about her and John. She’d cleaned up in the bathroom, but she could still feel the echoes of their wild lovemaking in the woods. Her body might be humming with satisfaction, but her emotions were totally messed up.

She picked up her brush and ran it through her hair. Not that it needed it. She was stalling and she knew it. John was out in the kitchen making hot chocolate for them. The man was always trying to take care of her in little ways. She could easily get used to it if she wasn’t careful. And would that be such a bad thing?

She’d needed a few moments to herself and had slipped into the bedroom on the pretext that she had to call the boutique to make sure everything was running okay in her absence and to let her assistant know she’d be back in the city sometime tomorrow.

She was feeling indecisive, a very unusual state for her and she didn’t like it. She was always calm, able to see all sides of a situation and make the best decision. And she thought she’d done that with her and John’s relationship. Now she was conflicted.

Personal relationships were a lot more confusing than business ones. They weren’t cut-and-dry. Topaz was forced to face the fact that she’d only dated men she could deal with the same way she did any business transaction. That wasn’t flattering to her or fair to the men she’d dated.

John defied being categorized or pigeonholed. A relationship with him would be emotional and messy and potentially devastating. But it could also be wonderful if she could find the courage to reach out and take what he was offering.

It was sobering to discover she was a coward when it came to relationships. She didn’t like seeing this side of herself, but she had to face it and deal with it if she was going to move forward.

The question was, did she want to move forward or was she happy living exactly the way she was?

She tossed her brush down on the dresser and headed toward the kitchen. She wasn’t going to come to any conclusions simply standing there. Might as well have some hot chocolate. All women knew you could think better when you had chocolate. It’s hardwired into the DNA.

John’s back was turned to her when she entered the kitchen, but she didn’t for one minute think he didn’t know she was there. She studied his competent movements, the way he poured hot water and stirred the contents into the mugs. The man did so many things well he sometimes could be intimidating to be around. But Topaz knew that beneath his hard exterior was a man of great substance.

As he worked, the gray long-sleeved knit shirt he wore clung to his broad shoulders and emphasized the size of his biceps. He set the spoon in the sink, turned and handed her one of the mugs.

“Thanks.” She took a sip, disconcerted by the unease that slid through her. It belatedly occurred to her that she’d always felt relaxed around John, not having to watch her words or behave in a certain manner. She’d always been herself around him and the silences had always been comfortable ones. Until now.

“You’re welcome.” He used the pad of this thumb to wipe the corner of her mouth. “You’ve got some here.”

She felt the light touch all the way to her toes and took a step back. “Ah, thanks.”

John sighed. “You know, I’m not going to jump you again. You don’t have to decide what you want to do about our relationship right this moment.” His exasperation was evident and it made her smile.

“First of all, the jumping was mutual.” No way did she want him to think any differently. “And are you sure you want a relationship with me? I seem to frustrate you quite a bit.”

That got her a chuckle and a smile. “That’s the God’s truth.” He touched her cheek and rubbed his thumb over her skin, making it tingle. “But you’re worth it.”

Topaz wasn’t quite sure how to take his answer and chose to store it away to think about at a later time. She held her mug tight in her hands, enjoying the way the heat seeped into her skin. She wouldn’t say anything to John, but she really was chilled to the bone from their walk in the woods.

She wandered into the living room area and sat in the corner of the sofa, pulling her legs up close to her body to conserve heat. John followed her and set his mug down on the coffee table. “You’re cold.” His words were almost accusing and angry, and she immediately knew he was blaming himself.

“I’m fine. Just a little chilly is all.”

He ignored her, grabbed the box of matches from the mantle and crouched in front of the fireplace. He lit a match and set it to the kindling. The fire crackled and caught the logs. When he was satisfied with the growing blaze, he set the screen in front and joined her on the sofa.

He grasped her by the waist and tugged her until she was curled up in his arms. His warmth surrounded her. It was nice to sit in front of a cheerful fire with John, neither of them speaking. The silence wasn’t strained, wasn’t completely comfortable either, but somewhere in-between.

He ran his hand absently up and down her arm, all the while staring into the flames. She rested her head against his shoulder, her mind whirling with the possibilities. Could they make a long-term relationship work?

“Stop thinking,” he admonished her. “Just enjoy the rest of the day. We’ll head back to the city in the morning and take things from there.”

He knew her so well. It constantly surprised her just how in tune he was with her moods. And it shouldn’t. He was right about one thing. They had lived together for several weeks last summer and again this winter. They might not have been sleeping together but they had been sharing a living space. He’d seen into all aspects of her life, but she knew very little about what he did and how he lived when he was away from her.

“What’s your life like?” If they were to have any chance at a relationship, she needed to know more about him. “When you’re not being my bodyguard,” she clarified.

John rubbed his chin against the top of her head. “I work, I eat, I exercise and keep my skills up.”

She gave him a mock punch in the stomach. He reached down, caught her fist in his hand and brought it to his lips. “That tells me exactly nothing,” she protested.

He sighed. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything. Do you live alone or do you and Jake share a place? What’s it like having a twin brother? Where are your parents?” It appalled her to realize she didn’t already know the answers to these questions. She’d really been self-centered during their time together. Of course, he’d been her bodyguard, not her best friend, but still.

“Jake and I own a four-apartment brownstone. We each have our own place and rent the two other units.” He shifted slightly, and she moved so she could watch him while he spoke.

His face was more rugged than handsome, with his strong, stubborn jaw and high forehead. But it suited him. His eyes were like blue lasers, seeing everything in one sweep of a room. That gaze was pinned on her now.