But since that seemed unlikely, given our last few conversations, I decided he must mean the whole thing

where I might possibly find out that I am good at something besides recording every single last detail of

my existence in this diary, which is not exactly a worthwhile skill.

But when I realized he couldn't possibly mean that, because I hadn't mentioned my secret fantasy that it

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turns out I am an excellent plasterer, or whatever. So instead I wrote:

FTLOUIE: You mean the part where we are helping the poor to self-actualize?

LINUXRULZ: No, I mean the part where you and I get to spend five whole days together without any

interference from your grandmother.

Oooooh! So heis catching on, after all!!!

Michael's right. Who cares about typhoid when there'skissing ?

Saturday, March 12, 5:30 a.m., on the bus toWest Virginia

Well, the kissing hasn't started yet.

That's because before we'd even gotten to the Lincoln Tunnel, Boris got carsick and had to throw up in

a paper bag, and Lilly said no way was she sitting by him anymore, and told Michael to move so she

could sit by me, and when Michael said no, Boris threw up some more, only this time he missed the

paper bag, and it went all over the floor, and Principal Gupta and Mrs. Hill had to clean it up, but they

didn't do a very good job on account of not having any paper towels or anything, so we all had to move

to the back of the bus, away from vomit fumes, and Michael was the only one who volunteered to stay

with Boris and make sure that next time he threw up in the bag.

My boyfriend is so cool. Not only is he incredibly smart and a very talented musician and skilled with

computers and an excellent kisser and all of that, but he is also extremely compassionate. Maybe he will

be a doctor someday, and discover a cure for cancer. I certainly hope so, because that's the only way

theGenovian Parliament is going to approve me marrying him.

I am not worried, though. Michael is a man among men, and will doubtlessly do something extraordinary

with his life that will win the hearts of theGenovian people, just as he has won mine. If only I had as many

useful talents as Michael does. It would be nice if I could play the guitarand knew html.

Anyway, even though I offered to sit up in the front of the bus with Michael and help him pass paper

bags to Boris, he said, just like Daniel Day-Lewis inThe Last of the Mohicans, "No, Mia, save

yourself," so now Lilly, Tina, and I are all crammed into one seat until we get to the first rest stop on the

N.J. Turnpike and the bus driver can give the floor a good hosing. Principal Gupta says as soon as we

pull over, she is going to buy some Dramamine and make Boris take it. Boris says Dramamine makes him

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drowsy and robs him of his personality.

I can't wait.

Anyway, Lilly has already started filming. She got a very good close-up of the vomit. She started filming

at five A.M., which is the time everybody had to be atAlbertEinsteinHigh School with all of our stuff in

order to catch the bus. Everybody had a lot of stuff, especially considering that this trip will only last five

days.

The person with the least luggage is Lars. Even though I lobbied very hard not to be accompanied on

this trip by my royal bodyguard, m dad insisted. He said he wasn't thrilled about my going in the first

place- Dad wants me to spend every vacation I get inGenovia - but since Mom had already said I could,

he wouldn't contradict her. He wouldn't, however, allow me to go without protection from would-be

kidnappers. All of my arguing that Tina was getting to gosans personal security system ­ Mr. Hakim

Baba has no enemies, it turns out, in West Virginia, and soWahim gets a well-earned vacation...only he's

not as happy about it as you would think, since it means Lars gets Mademoiselle Klein all to

himself...well, and Mr.Wheeton ­ seemed to fall on deaf ears. Lars was going, my dad said, and that's

it.

At least Lars travels light. All he brought is one small duffel bag. I asked Lars where his sleeping bag and

pillow were, and he just smiled. I hope he does not think he is sharing mine. I love my bodyguard, but not

that much.

Anyway, Lilly is filming everything on the bus so we won't forget a thing. She took a good long shot of

the sign hanging over the bus driver's head. The sign says:

I AM YOUR BUS DRIVER,CHARLIE.

SAFE, COURTEOUS, AND RELIABLE.

PLEASE STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE.

While we were stuck in traffic in front of the Lincoln Tunnel, Lilly asked us what we thought Charlie

would do if Principal Gupta suddenly threw herself across the yellow line.

"Because Charlie is safe and reliable," Tina said, "he would probably go, `Miss! Stay behind the yellow

line!'

"Yes," I agreed. "But because he is also courteous, he'd probably put it like, `Please, miss! Stay behind

the yellow line! Thank you!'"

For some reason, this made us laugh until we felt like throwing up ourselves.

Only six and a half more hours to go until we get there.

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Saturday, March 12,10 a .m., somewhere along theNew Jersey Turnpike

Michael and I are finally sitting together, but we are not making out yet, because Michael does not

believe in public displays of affection, because, as he says, Some Things Are Private.

Which I fully understand and appreciate.I mean, it is not like I want him to go aroundFrenching me in the

caf , or whatever.

But you know,holdinghands wouldn't hurt.

On the other hand, it is sort of uncomfortable to hold hands for any extended period of time. Mine

always starts getting all sweaty. My hand, I mean. Michael's doesn't. His hands are never sweaty.

Maybe on account of him being a musician and all.

Maybe I am suffering from a genetic mutation. I mean, on top of my flat-chestednessand

lack-of-useful-skill-ism. Maybe I've got an extra-sweaty-hand chromosome, or something.

Anyway, Charlie, being safe, courteous, and reliable, hosed down Boris barf when we got to the Molly

Pitcher Service Area, and then we all got back on board, and with the windows down, you really can't

smell it that much. Principal Gupta gave Boris a good dose of Dramamine, and now he is unconscious

with his head lolling against Lilly's shoulder. I guess he wasn't kidding about motion-sickness medicine

causing him to lose his personality. We should give him some every day, if you ask me.

Still, even though Boris spent most of the beginning of the trip barfing, that hasn't stopped him and Lilly

from being the first couple to get caught making out. The were first spotted sucking face in the Roy

Rogers at the rest stop, and a sharp rebuke from Principal Gupta caused them to spring apart.

But just recently I looked toward the back of the bus, and they were at it again! Those two can't keep

their hands off each other!!!

I wish Michael would look back there, and realize maybe alittle PDA couldn't hurt...

Oh, my God, I am so tired. And my hair smells a little like Boris's barf. I can't wait until we get there,

and I can wash my hair, and then all the kissing can start.

Saturday, March 12, 5 p.m., Hominy Knob, WestVirginia

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Oh...my...God.

We're here. We finally arrived, and Charlie unloaded our bags, and then we had to pick them up and

carry them to...

OUR TENTS!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!! TENTS!!!!!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN TENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I realized, of course, that we'd be sleeping intents, I saw pictures of them in the brochure.

But the tents in the brochure had, like, wooden floors, and were raised off the ground. These tents have

no wood supports at all. And they are RIGHT ON THE GROUND. WHERE THERE ARE ALSO

SNAKES.

I have never slept in a tent in my life. Seriously, I am not trying to be a princess about this, but, I mean,

what about bears? And don't tell me there are no bears around here, because we are SURROUNDED

by woods, there is NOTHING but woods in West Virginia, and yeah, Principal Gupta keeps going on

about how beautiful it is, and look at the mountains and smell the clean, fresh air, but hello????

BEARS!!!!!!!!

And didn't she ever seeThe Blair Witch Project? I mean, I will admit I watched that entire movie with

my eyes closed, but it SOUNDED really scary, and I believe it took place, um, where? OH YES, THE

WOODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is it. We are all so dead.

Lars says not to worry, that he will make sure no wild animals or serial killers get into the tent Lilly and

Tina and I are sharing. But I don't know. That's what the people inThe Blair Witch Project did, and

look what happened to them! All they founded of that one guy was his finger! I do not want to find

Lars's finger! I do not want to loseLars, he is an excellent bodyguard with a good sense of humor. Plus

he doesn't mind when Michael and I make out. Do you know how rare that is in a bodyguard????

Anyway,West Virginia itself isn't so bad. So far we haven't met one person wearing a gunnysack or