have died, and on Monday when everybody came back to school, all they'd have found was this

skeleton clutching a violin and wearing a sweater tucked into its pants.

But that's just my opinion.

Friday, March 11, Lunch meeting of theAlbertEinsteinHigh School Housing for the Hopeful Brigade

I am starting to have grave reservations aboutWest Virginia , and not just because Michael hasn't once

asked me if I am planning on bringing my cherryChapStick (his favorite flavor). I mean, I know there are

poor people there and all, but it is still inAMERICA , for crying out loud.

But Dr. Gonzales just gave us this list of things we need to bring with us, and Lilly and Michael and Boris

and Tina and I are just sitting here, reading it, going,Hello , is this a joke? Like, what is a five-gallon solar

shower bag? Where would you even buy one of those? And what is with the potassium-rich, non-melting

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snack items? What are THOSE? What are we going to need potassium for? Don't they have grocery

stores inWest Virginia ? I mean, can't we just go to the deli and buy a banana?

Other things we are supposed to bring include:

Tool belts or cloth nail pouch

Hammer with claw

Gloves for handling rough lumber, hammers, shovels, etc

25-to-30-foot tape measure

Utility knife

Wire cutter and/or tin snips to cut bailing and chicken wire

Small nail puller or cat's claw

Carpenter's pencil

Smallsquare : combo, tri, or carpenter's

Small (short shank), sharp handsaw

Plumb line (optional)

Um, hello.I am a princess. I don't have any of these things. Need a scepter? I'm your girl. Nail puller?

Not so much.

And hello, you would think they would give us some lessons on, like, gypsum board or whatever, but

no. Instead, Dr. Gonzales just gave us these release forms that our parents are supposed to sign, saying

that they won't hold Housing for the Hopeful responsible in the event that we are maimed or killed on the

trip!!!!

Maimed or killed!!!!!

Tina Hakim Baba just raised her hand and wanted to know why the handout says we need to bring a

week's supply of wet wipes with us. Dr. Gonzales says because on cloudy days our five-gallon solar

shower bags might not warm up enough and so we should be prepared either to take a cold shower or

use wet wipes to clean ourselves.

Um, excuse me, but do wet wipes even work onb.o .? How am I going to make out with my boyfriend if

I SMELL?????

Ireally started panicking when Dr. Gonzales asked us all to turn to page 2 of the handout. That's

because page 2 said:

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· Drink plenty of sports drinks, Gatorade, or cranberry juice the week prior to departing. Drink

the Gatorade provided to you at the worksite to raise your electrolyte and potassium levels.

· There are a great many flying insects in this climate. You will need insect repellant.

· Don't pet the local animals since they often carry diseases. Wash your hands immediately if

you do.

· Don't drink the shower water or water from the local spigots.

Don't drink the water or pet the animals?Insect repellant?Gatorade?

Oh, my God, what have I gotten myself into????????

Friday, March 11, princess lessons, the Plaza Hotel

Grandmèrecan't believe Mom is letting me go toWest Virginia . She says she doesn't know who's

crazier, Mom for letting me go, or me for wanting to go in the first place. She read over the release forms

and told me she hoped I'd have fun in boot camp.

"It's not boot camp,Grandmère ," I told her. "It's a nonprofit, nondenominational organization

dedicated to eliminating substandard housing and homelessness worldwide."

"Then why,"Grandmère wanted to know, "does it say here that you need to rise every morning at six

A.M?"

"Because," I said, snatching the forms back from her, "that's probably when they serve breakfast."

Grandmèreshook her head. "The last time I got up at six A.M. was when the Germans were shelling the

palace, back during the war. Nothing short of anti-aircraft fire should get a princess out of bed before

eight. Anything earlier is indecent. It is not too late, Amelia, for you to join me inPalm Springs , where I

am going to relax from the stress of our daily princess lessons. It isn't easy, you know, teaching a young

girl all she needs to be regent, day in, day out. Are you sure you don't want to come with me? There's

no need to wear insect repellant in the desert. And there won't be any wet wipes. Just the beautiful

crystal waters of the hotel pool, and Belgian waffles from room service..."

"No!" I yelled, because the waffle part sounded really tempting. I bet nobody at the spa where

Grandmère is going ha to worry about their potassium level. "I am going to spend my Spring Break doing

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something good for mankind."And, hopefully, making out with my boyfriend. Oh, yes, and discovering

that I am a skilled shingle layer. Hey, you never know. "Remember Prince William? He spent a YEAR

after high school inChile helping the poor. I'm just going toWest Virginia , and only for five days. I think I

can gold out for five days of getting up at six A.M."

Grandmèrejust took a sip of her sidecar and pettedRommel , her semi-bald toy poodle.

"Suityourself ," she said. "But I hope this doesn't mean you are going to start going about in native

wear, like those bulky Chilean sweaters Prince William started wearing. You know how wool gives you

a rash."

I toldGrandmère they don't wear sweaters inWest Virginia , and she asked what they do wear, then,

and I had to admit I didn't know. That's when she stabbed a finger at me and went, "Ah ha! I'll tell you

what they wear inWest Virginia ! Gunnysacks! That's what they wear inWest Virginia !"

I toldGrandmère that contrary to what she might believe, the Depression is over and nobody wears

gunnysacks anymore.

But I don't know. I mean, what about that movieNell , starring Jodie Foster, where she played that deaf

mute who lived way out in the woods and was always going on about "dancin'een theweend "? I am

pretty sure that was set inWest Virginia .Or one of theCarolinas . Close enough. And she was wearing a

gunnysack.Or a housedress at the very last.

Oh, my God, I hope they don't expect us to dress like the natives in order to blend in! I don't own a

housedress! I don't even think you can buy one of those inNew York !

Friday, March 11, 11 p.m., the loft

I was so worked up about all the gunnysacks and Gatorade that when I got home I asked Mr.Gianini if

there was something he maybe wasn't telling me about his past trips with Housing for the Hopeful. Mr. G

has never actually been toWest Virginia before, but he went toMexico and someTexas border towns

with H for the H. He went, "Really, Mia, I can't say enough positive things about the experience. It really

taught me to appreciate all that I have."

Which is fine, but didn't really answer my question about the gunnysacks.He did say I could borrow his

hammer, though.

So I went online and instant messaged Michael, because after all, he is my heart's desire, and the only

person on earth who can soothe me when my soul turns fractious as an injured pony.

But even though he is my reason for living and all of that, Michael was totally unhelpful about the whole

gunnysack thing.

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LINUXRULZ: Mia, the people we are going to build homes for are poor, not demented. I am sure they

are going to be wearing something other than bags. I mean, it's not going to be like inDeliverance .

I have never seenDeliverance because I don't like movies where things jump out at people from behind

trees, but I pretended like I had, because I want Michael to think I am mature for my age. After all, he is

a senior and I am only a freshman. I have to do what I can to keep him from remembering I am only

fourteen and three quarter years old.

FTLOUIE: I know. But I mean, did you ever readChristy ?

This is kind of a stupid question to ask a guy, since the only guy I know who has readChristy is my

neighbor Ronnie, who is now a girl.But whatever. Michael is way well read, for a member of what my

mom likes to call the cult of patriarchy.

FTLOUIE: becauseChristy takes place in theSmokeyMountains , which are practically the same as

theAppalachians , and everybody in it gets typhoid because of the unsanitary conditions, including

Christy, and I am just saying, maybe that's why we're not supposed to touch the animals....

LINUXRULZ: Mia, stop worrying so much. If it were really unsafe, do you think Principal Gupta would

be going?

FTLOUIE: Principal Gupta does some very strange things sometimes. Remember when she agreed to

play OfficerKrupke in the drama club's production of West Side Story?

LINUXRULZ: Mia, instead of obsessing over the possibility of contracting typhoid and/or having to

wear a gunnysack, why don't you try to keep in mind the most important aspect of this whole trip?

I thought maybe he meant the fact that we were going to get to make out beneath theWest Virginia stars.