‘Are you all right?’ he whispered.

I nodded, leaning on the elbow that had hit the ground. Worried I must be crushing him, I tried to straighten to take my weight off him, wincing at the stinging in my elbow.

‘No,’ he said softly, his eyes glittering. ‘You don’t get away that easily.’ He pulled me close to him, his muscular frame taut against my softness, his cotton collar tickling my cheek. ‘That’s better,’ he murmured, wriggling his hips under me.

‘Heinrich, no! Not here where everybody can see.’ I felt the blood rush to my face, mortified. It was a warm summer’s afternoon and I could hear people milling about the park. ‘What if my mother finds out?’

I watched the gleam of wicked humour in his eyes disappear before he sighed. ‘Such a spoilsport,’ he said. ‘Give me a kiss.’ He drew me into a deeper embrace. He tasted of cigarettes and strawberries. Smoking was a habit he’d picked up on the front but now he only smoked at parties and when he was studying.

‘Now,’ he said, allowing me to slide onto the grass next to him. ‘Let’s have a look at that elbow. I think it requires some expert medical attention.’

‘My mother is so angry,’ I told him as he examined my elbow. I gazed at the ducks bobbing calmly on the stream, the sun filtering through the thick foliage of the trees near its bank, making the water glisten in the afternoon light. Part of me wished I had brought my camera. ‘She wanted us married before the end of summer.’

‘Is this what you want?’ Heinrich let go of my elbow and sat very still, as if bracing himself.

My heart fluttered and skipped a beat. ‘We agreed, didn’t we? You want to finish your studies and we both want to be working and independent before we marry. We want our own place without our parents interfering with our lives. You don’t want us to live at home, do you?’

‘We wouldn’t be very happy.’

I slowly released the breath I had been holding. ‘Of course we wouldn’t,’ I agreed, my heart resuming its normal rhythm. ‘Can you imagine either of our mothers telling us what to do all the time?’ I grasped Heinrich’s hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘We’ll be so happy in our own place. It doesn’t have to be much because it will be you and me.’

‘I know we will.’ Heinrich kissed my hand. ‘I want to get more work at the hospital and prove my worth before I graduate, so I have a better chance at a permanent position. After all, I’ll be cheaper than a more experienced doctor. I’d rather be here and really make a difference than at a field hospital. There are too many who can’t be saved on the front,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t think I can do that again. It destroys the soul.’

My skin prickled to hear him holding back tears. The familiar anguish I had seen him carry after two tours to field hospitals on the Eastern Front never truly faded and could resurface at any time; it was something he didn’t like to speak about but I had seen his torment.

‘It’s a good plan,’ I said, my voice strong for his sake. ‘It will see us through this war. With good management, we’ll both have jobs here in München. I’ll promise Mutti that as soon as that happens, I’ll begin planning this wedding. I need you here to do that – otherwise between my mother and yours, they’ll drive me crazy. You have to keep me sane!’

‘All right, all right.’ He laughed, raising his hands in defeat. ‘I promise to do my best not to go anywhere. Tell your mother that we’ll begin planning the wedding but we’ll set a date for after I’ve graduated, when I’m sure I’ll have work. I want us to have every chance of a long and happy life together.’

‘You haven’t asked me how I feel about letting go of my dream.’ A stab of pain pierced the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t believe that he’d offered me no support in the one thing I really wanted, the one thing I had worked so hard towards. My dream defined me and I couldn’t believe it had died before it had ever had a chance to live.

‘I’m sorry they won’t let you go,’ he said softly. ‘You know how it is for me with my parents, they hold me so tightly, so I understand your predicament… but I think it’s for the best. You know that your mother will never cope with you away. Ludwig’s death took such a toll on her, as does always wondering if the same will happen to Willi. I don’t know that she’d survive if something happened to you.’

I pulled my hand away, unable to look at him. He didn’t need to remind me that I was being selfish. Vati had already made me see reason. Shaking my head in irritation, I picked a flower stalk and flicked it at him, trying to hide the deep hurt that made my gut twist and ache. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘Come now, Lotte. It was never practical or achievable. How can we plan a wedding if you’re working away from München? Besides, women from our kind of background don’t need to work. If not for the war effort you would never have studied photography or considered a career.’

‘But I want to work,’ I interrupted, appalled that in these modern times, he would disregard a woman’s career as unnecessary. A thrill of panic rushed through me. I thought Heinrich understood my need to contribute to the war effort, to make my brother’s sacrifice mean something, but this was the first time he had ever told me that he didn’t really support my efforts to become a photojournalist on the front – or anywhere outside of München for that matter. ‘Did you show your mother my letter?’ I held my breath as well as his gaze, waiting for his answer, not sure how I would react if he said he had.

His eyes widened with hurt at my accusation. ‘No. I would never do that to you, I would never betray you. It was an accident.’ He grasped my chin, his blue stare penetrating. ‘You know that, don’t you?’

I nodded, sighing, and Heinrich released me. Despite his protestations, I felt numb – desolate and betrayed.

‘If anything happened to you…’ Heinrich’s voice caught. I jerked my head up in surprise, catching the glint of tears in his eyes as he turned to look at the stream. ‘You don’t know what it’s like but I do. If I didn’t lose you one way, it would be another. You would not cope with the things you’d see, with the terrible conditions, the human tragedy. It changes you, and I don’t want you to change. I don’t want you to go anywhere. I want you here, where you’re safe, whole and happy. Then I can get through anything that might be ahead and come back to you, knowing you’ll be waiting for me. I don’t want to lose you.’

I stared at him stunned. ‘I had no idea you felt that way,’ I whispered. We had never really articulated how we felt about each other. But we had known each other so long, I had been sure we both felt we knew each other inside out.

‘I can’t wait to marry you. I want to keep you safe, make you happy and give you everything. I want us to be together always.’ He kissed me passionately.

I couldn’t help but forgive him. Heinrich was my future and my decision was already made. ‘There’ll be other dreams,’ I said. ‘You and I have many adventures ahead of us.’

Heinrich grinned, his forehead touching mine. ‘With you, I can be sure of that! Life will always be an exciting ride with you by my side.’ He stood, holding out an arm to help me up. ‘Come, I have to get back to study.’

2

As I gazed at the imposing building of the regional command headquarters of the Luftwaffe, the bustle of the city faded away. Prinzregentenstrasse stood at the heart of München, where all its powerful players came together. It was an illustrious road – home to art, culture and the residences of the Bavarian Prime Minister and the Führer himself. Sculpted twin eagles sat above the main entry, nearly as tall as men, presiding regally over the work being done within those walls for the good of Germany. If anywhere could restore hope and confidence in Germany’s victory, it was here. A burst of pride rushed through me. I hoped that my rusty secretarial skills would be enough to prove my worthiness for the job my father had found for me. As my mother had reminded me over breakfast, my behaviour – and success – would reflect on the whole family. I thought of my camera, sitting, almost abandoned, in my bedroom. It was a beautiful machine, a Contax IIIa, one of the best cameras on the market. My father had presented me with it on my first day of photography school and I had imagined a long and illustrious career as a top photographer. Instead, I was going to be a secretary. Nervously, I smoothed down my blouse and skirt and made my way across the street.

An efficient man in uniform ushered me down a hallway and into a sizable office. The door closed behind me.

‘Come and sit down, fräulein,’ said a deep voice.

Momentarily blinded by the bright light streaming in from one of the long windows I had seen from the street, I blinked and turned to the large desk. An older man with a bushy grey moustache sat behind it, age spots marking the hands he had folded on the oak desk, reminding me of the old-fashioned, no-nonsense, Prussian officers. He gestured for me to sit. Feeling foolish already, I murmured my thanks and slipped into the chair opposite him, my cheeks beginning to burn.

‘My name is Colonel von Wissenbach and I run this section. We oversee the administrative, supply and maintenance requirements of all flying units at the airfields under our regional command. I know your father well. He’s told me you’re a hard worker, dutiful and obedient.’

I tried not to squirm at this assessment of my virtues and kept my mouth firmly closed.

‘The secretary of one of my technical inspectors has left us recently for family reasons and you come at the perfect time. Your father assures me you are bright and will pick up any technical jargon quickly, that you have some secretarial skills and will manage the job competently.’ He looked thoughtfully at me and his eyes became kinder, his official introduction complete. ‘Now, is there anything you wish to ask me?’