My mind went blank. What could I ask? A million things and nothing of real consequence, I thought. ‘No, colonel. I just want to thank you for this opportunity. I’ll do my best and hope you will be pleased with my work.’

The colonel nodded. ‘If there is any problem, make sure you come to me. It’s the least I can do for your father.’

‘Thank you, colonel. There won’t be any problems, I know it.’ I stood quickly, pleased the interview was over. ‘Heil Hitler!’ I said, giving the Nazi salute.

‘Heil Hitler,’ responded the colonel. ‘Fräulein Weiss will show you to Oberinspektor Drescher’s office. Good luck, Charlotte.’

I found Fräulein Weiss waiting outside the colonel’s office. She was a civilian auxiliary like me, dressed smartly in a navy skirt and white blouse, her red hair pulled into a tight French roll. I was glad I had dressed with care that morning: a blue blouse to match my eyes and black skirt that was modest but smart and my third-last pair of silk stockings.

Fräulein Weiss smiled brightly as she guided me to my new superior’s office. ‘Good to have another woman on the team,’ she whispered conspiratorially. ‘These men think they know everything but it’s us women who keep it all together. If you have any trouble with the work, let me know. I’ve been here two years now. By the way, call me Bettina.’

I nodded, thankful for some support. She showed me into another office, much smaller than the colonel’s, and less bright too, with only a small window allowing in the late summer light.

The man behind the desk rose gracefully to his feet, standing tall and lean. He was young, perhaps thirty, with a face that was smooth and unlined. His dark hair was slicked back and his green eyes watched me intently as I crossed the room. Even in his stillness, I felt the intensity of his presence, a charisma that pulled me inextricably towards him, like a moth to a flame. Not at all the middle-aged, overweight bureaucrat I was expecting. A hot flush crept up my throat and into my cheeks, setting them on fire.

‘Fräulein,’ Oberinspektor Drescher said, extending his hand.

Feeling already flustered and off balance, I was thrown that he didn’t offer the standard Nazi greeting of ‘Heil Hitler’. Gingerly, I offered my hand across the desk. He grasped it in a thoroughly modern, firm handshake but his touch somehow left me feeling breathless.

‘Oberinspektor Erich Drescher.’ He gestured to the chair. ‘Please sit.’

I sat, abruptly realising I was staring. I shifted my gaze. The Führer’s picture hung on the wall behind the desk, looking down at us imperiously. A shiver ran through me. I was finally doing something to help my country – not what I had hoped, but this was a start and better than moping around at home. I glanced back to the Oberinspektor. He was beautiful in a classical way, with his aquiline nose, chiselled jaw and high cheekbones, reminding me of the statues I had admired of the ancient gods scattered around München. But those eyes; I could get lost in his eyes.

‘Fräulein von Klein, thank you for coming in so quickly.’

Startled out of my thoughts, I nodded and smiled, unsure of what I had missed.

He must have seen the confusion on my face because he said, ‘My secretary left rather suddenly and as you can see, I desperately need the help of an organised and efficient assistant.’

The desk was covered in mountains of files. ‘How long have you been without a secretary?’ The nerves blossomed in my belly once again, like a hundred butterflies taking flight. I kept my gaze on the silver stitching on his tunic collar and the silver pips and oak leaf that distinguished him as one of the administration officers.

He sighed. ‘Two weeks. Our department’s requirements come far below those of other, more important divisions, and we’ve had to carry on as best we can until now. But I believe you come highly recommended.’

My pulse quickened. I had a lot to live up to but I discovered that all I wanted to do was to please this man, to make his job easier, to make him proud of my efforts.

‘I will do my best, oberinspektor.’ I sat straighter in my seat and looked directly at him, overcoming my nerves and daring him to tell me differently.

‘Very good, fräulein. I should explain a little of what we do here. We ensure that all our assigned aircraft are maintained and fit for their operational purpose. You will organise my schedule and record the maintenance and supply data of each flying unit that we manage. I’ll need your help to compile and review requests, orders and reports regarding maintenance procedures, required specifications, quality control regulations and supply requirements. Additionally, you will accompany me at times to various airfields in our command to supervise or conduct inspections.’

I swallowed hard. There was a lot to do and I wasn’t sure I knew how to do any of it.

‘I will guide you through your tasks today. I hope you’re a quick learner because I have work coming out of my ears.’ He smiled, lighting up an otherwise serious face.

I clenched my fists in my lap, silently berating myself for my silly schoolgirl fancy. I had to work with this man – I couldn’t lose focus and show my incompetence on my first day.

I took a deep breath. ‘Thank you, oberinspektor. I’m ready to learn.’

‘Let’s begin then, shall we?’

*

The first week was horrendous. I constantly felt awkward, not sure how to behave around someone I found so attractive. Despite my intense desire to please the oberinspektor, I felt that I did everything badly and far too slowly to be of any real help. My typing skills themselves weren’t bad but I had trouble even getting up to the speed I needed and fell woefully behind. Thank God in Heaven I wasn’t employed purely as a typist because I would have been asked to leave by the end of that first week. My shorthand was only a little better but I could manage the telephone calls and appointments well enough.

The oberinspektor was patient with me. He was a good teacher, explaining everything carefully, answering my questions no matter how stupid they must have seemed to him, overlooking my minor mistakes and calmly alerting me to the major ones and giving me time to fix them. I was trying my very best but I felt I was letting him down and it crushed me more than it should.

Bettina assured me that it was normal to feel inadequate and overwhelmed as she helped me through those first weeks, showing me shortcuts to the procedures, different ways of remembering the routines and the best ways to organise the schedules. ‘You don’t need to follow the way he has shown you,’ she said to me more often than I could count. ‘There’s a much quicker and easier way to do that.’

‘But this is the way he wants it done,’ I whispered the first few times, horrified.

But Bettina always waved her hand. ‘Bah! He won’t care how you’ve done it, as long as it’s done right. Let me show you.’ I wished I could be that confident and in control.

Most evenings in those first weeks, Heinrich would meet me after work to walk me home. I moaned to him constantly about how terribly I was doing.

‘I remember the first time I had to intubate a patient,’ he told me one day after I rattled off a litany of mistakes I had made. We were strolling hand in hand through the Englischer Garten. ‘Of course, I had learnt how to do it in my tutorials but this was a real patient needing this procedure in my first hospital term. The doctor in charge was called away to an emergency and the nurse thought I knew what to do.’

‘What did you do?’

‘Well, I pretended I knew what I was doing and I prayed to God that I looked confident and got it right. Luckily for me, I did. The patient suffered little discomfort and the nurse walked away satisfied.’ Heinrich thrust out his arm in a gesture of victory.

I sighed. I wasn’t sure I could pretend to know what I was doing; I wasn’t as confident as him.

Heinrich bumped me gently as if the jolt would put me in a more positive mindset. ‘Come on, Lotte. Where’s your spirit? People have always looked up to those like us. The trick is to look like you know what you’re doing, do the best with what you have until you’ve learnt enough to do better the next time. It will come together for you, I promise.’

‘Are you sure?’ I asked. ‘You’re so good at everything you do and you know how I am. Everything has to be done right the first time or I get so cross with myself.’ I didn’t tell him that I worried constantly that my father would walk into the apartment with a thunderous expression on his face after receiving a telephone call from Colonel von Wissenbach.

Heinrich slipped his arm out from mine and settled it across my shoulders, as if bringing me under his wing. ‘Look, when I was posted to the field hospital for the first time, I had some hospital experience but not much. I had to learn everything by watching others when I could and by just doing it myself. Experience is the best teacher. Soon I was doing the basic procedures with my eyes closed. Trust me, you’ll be an expert before long and your superior will think himself lucky to have the best secretary in the department.’

I nodded and put my arm around his waist, snuggling in closer to his side. A cool breeze had whipped up suddenly, a sure sign that summer would soon be over and we would begin the long haul through winter. I would have been a much better photographer, I thought bitterly.

*

Heinrich and Bettina were right. Over time, I began to relax and the work came more naturally to me. Work became less of a chore and I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment at the end of each day. I also noticed the oberinspektor’s hunched shoulders gradually drop and his perpetual frown soften as the strain on him lessened. Constantly aware of his presence, my heart leapt as I realised that my hard work was making a difference to him. Much to my chagrin, I felt my eyes often slip across to him throughout the day, watching him surreptitiously, unable to stop myself. I was ashamed of my infatuation. I was engaged to Heinrich whom I would soon make a life with, but the oberinspektor had stirred something within me that I had never felt before. He captivated me in a way Heinrich never had. It left me feeling unsettled.