Between the film people and Serena—not to mention having to run off all the crazies who had been attracted by the rapidly spreading rumors of buried treasure—there really hadn’t been time to talk, I rationalized to myself.

Excuses, excuses.

“They’re lucky to have such good weather for the filming,” I said, looking at my rapidly freckling arms instead of at Colin. “Isn’t it great that it didn’t rain?”

“Mmph,” said Colin. It was a very expressive “mmph.” I felt him shift uncomfortably against the balustrade. “Eloise…”

“And the flowers look so pretty!” I babbled.

“Eloise.” Colin took me by the shoulders and very gently turned me around. There was nowhere to look but at him. Or, more accurately, the second button from the top on his button-down blue shirt. “We need to talk.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” I said. “Expression of emotion, state of the relationship, that sort of thing?”

I have mentioned that I’m very good at talking around things, right?

Colin let out his breath in a long exhalation that ruffled the hair on my brow. “Do you want to go back to the States?”

I tried to jam my hands into pockets that I didn’t have. Blast this good weather. “It isn’t so much about want,” I said slowly. “My career is there. My apartment is there.” Already, it was apartment, not flat. I’d gone back to Americanisms in my head. “I can’t presume on your hospitality forever.”

“Hospitality?” Colin’s laugh had an edge to it. “Christ, Eloise. You make me sound like a bed-and-breakfast.”

I licked my dry lips. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m presuming anything. I don’t want you to feel crowded.”

There was a long moment of silence. Colin pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose, the way he did when he was tired. I knew that gesture now, so well, just as I knew so many other things without knowing I knew them, like the way he tilted his head when he was thinking, or automatically removed the cushion before he sat down on the couch. I would miss him so much if I left. I would miss not just the conversations, but the essential Colin-ness of him, all those intangibles I got to take for granted, his laugh, his smell, the comfort of curling up against him at the end of the long day. No matter how good the phone plan, one could never get that back, not the same way.

“You’re welcome to stay,” Colin said, “for however long you like, in whatever capacity you like. How’s that for an invitation?”

“Can I have it engraved?” I have a very bad habit of trying to make a joke out of those things about which I feel most strongly. It’s a defense mechanism, I suppose, and sometimes an inconvenient one.

“There are silver platters, if you’d like one,” said Colin. “Although I believe they’re mostly silver plate.”

“No. Thank you.” I looked down at my feet, at the weather-pitted stone of the veranda, the stray tendrils of ivy creeping between the flags. “It’s a very generous offer. Even without the platter.”

Colin was a bright boy. He knew, even without my telling him.

“But,” he said.

“But,” I agreed. I balled my hands into fists, feeling my old class ring biting into my skin, like an anchor to my past. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer. And it’s not that I don’t want to be with you. Because I do. Really.”

Shaking back my hair, I glanced anxiously up at Colin, the breeze whipping strands of hair in front of my eyes, blurring my sight, making my eyes water. He nodded to show that he understood, although I could tell that he didn’t.

“I’m taking the job,” I said. My throat felt stiff and tight, reluctant to give voice to the words. “The one in the history department.”

Colin’s face revealed nothing. “Why?” he asked.

“It’s too soon.” I tried to make sense of it, as much for myself as for him. “I have a whole life in America. I can’t give it up on the strength of six months—no matter how wonderful those six months might have been. Might be,” I corrected myself hastily. “Might be.” It was too soon for the past tense.

When Colin spoke, his voice was very carefully controlled. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No!” I said, so vehemently that a bird whirled out of a nearby tree, shimmying past us in a whirr of feathers. “No. I want us to stay together. If we can. I just can’t—”

How to say it? Around us, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping and the actors acting, but I was stuck in my own private Hades, sorting through my personal pile of pomegranate seeds.

I held out my hands to Colin, willing him to understand. “I can’t make myself entirely dependent on you. It’s not fair to you, either. I don’t want you to feel burdened by me or feel like you couldn’t do what you would otherwise do because I’m around.”

“What if I want you around?” he said.

It was so tempting, so incredibly tempting. Long days in the library, fall drifting into winter, cold winter nights together in the den, mulled wine and chips at the Heavy Hart, occasional trips into London to see an exhibit or get dressed up and go out with his friends or mine. I could see it all playing out before me, an entire life in a snow globe, a picture of perfect domesticity.

At least, that’s how it looked from there. But would it be? I didn’t think Colin would let me pay rent. And even if he did, what cash did I have coming in without a teaching job? I’d be dependent on him from everything from the files I was reading to the roof over my head. And if we broke up—not a happy thought, but one that had to be considered—I would have lost a year of teaching, a year of positioning myself for the job market. I would be thought of as “that girl who stayed in England for a guy,” and, even though England was where my documents were, even though I might produce a better dissertation for it, I would be taken less seriously as a scholar because of it. Such is the way of the world.

I bit down on my lower lip. “But do you want me around twenty-four seven? Twelve months a year?”

Colin’s silence was all the answer I needed. I felt something ache a little inside, but there was no going back now. This was the right decision for both of us, no matter how painful it might be in the short term.

“You see?” I said. “It’s too much too soon.”

I watched him rub his thumb against his index finger. That was another Colin gesture, another thing I would miss when I was back in my tiny apartment in Cambridge, alone, listening to the radiator clank, wondering what I had been thinking.

He didn’t argue with me. Instead, he said in a low voice, “Will you stay for the rest of the summer?”

“If you’ll still have me.”

He held out his arms to me and I went into them, leaning my head against my favorite spot on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist in that dent that seemed to have been made just for them. Colin leaned his cheek against the top of my head.

“We’ll work it out,” he said into my hair.

“It’s only for one semester,” I said to the pocket of his shirt. “I could come back in the spring. If you still want me then.”

Colin lifted his head. I wiggled back just enough to look at him. He was thinking, the wheels turning. Tentatively, he said, “I’ve never been to Cambridge—your Cambridge.”

Something pinched in my chest. Or maybe it unpinched. I could feel the tears tickling the back of my eyes, threatening to fall, but they were the right kind of tears, the kind that happen when someone does something that touches you too deeply for mere thanks. I knew what it was to him to leave Selwick Hall, even for a little while. It was his project, his baby, his distraction from all those personal demons of which I was only just beginning have an inkling. I couldn’t imagine Colin away from England for too long, but…a visit would be nice. A visit would help bridge the gap. If he came to Cambridge in the fall and I came back to England around Christmas, between us, we might actually be able to make this work.

It was a far cry from the heady euphoria of the early days of our relationship, but, for the first time, I really believed that what we had might be real, that it might last.

I swallowed the lump at the back of my throat and smiled mistily up at him. Through the tears, I saw him wreathed in rainbows—not an image he would thank me for, my practical, down-to-earth Colin.

“I could show you around,” I offered softly. “It’s pretty nasty in winter, but you’re used to that. And there’s something nice about all that snowy brick right around Christmas.”

With a crooked finger, he moved a stray strand of hair out of my eyes, very gently, as though I might break otherwise. “You can show me your microfilm readers.”

“Everyone’s favorite tourist destination,” I agreed, and we smiled foolishly at each other, happy just to be together, with the sun beaming down on our bare heads and pots of flowers in artificial bloom all around us. In the gardens, someone was playing a harpsichord, a simple and beautiful melody.

“Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,” sang Balthazar. “Men were deceivers ever.”

Some men. Not my Colin.

“Will you be okay going away?” I asked. “With Jeremy treasure hunting?”

Colin made a face. “I can deal with Jeremy.”

“Is there any truth to this whole treasure thing?” I asked.

“Honestly?” Colin looked out over the scene playing out below. “Probably not.”

Hmm. This was Colin. If the answer was no, he would have just said no.

Emboldened by our new accord, I leaned over to get a look at his face. “You think there is, don’t you?”

Colin’s face twisted. “Well…I looked for it as a boy. I didn’t find anything.”