Dyan Sheldon - The Crazy Things Girls Do for Love

But there are even more icebergs on this dark, cold sea than perhaps Maya thought.

As she returns to the table with her black coffee and plain, dry bagel, she can’t help noticing that the boys all wear grins as they read through her project, and Mallory and Shayla are laughing out loud. Alice, too loyal to laugh, just looks bewildered.

“Whoowhee!” whoops Brion. “Geekdom rules!”

“Is this the kind of thing they talk about at their meetings?” asks Shelby.

“That must be why you joined,” mutters Jason. “The stimulating conversation.”

Mallory and Shayla are the last to look up.

“I don’t know how you can spend more than two minutes with them. Look at this stuff!” Cream cheese drops from Mallory’s bagel onto the page in front on her. “They’re all out of their tiny minds. I mean, talk about conspiracy theories – this bunch makes those guys who think we never walked on the moon seem sane.”

“Are you going to publish this in the school paper?” asks Shayla.

Maya sits down. “Publish it?”

“Well, yeah…” Shayla glances at Mallory. “It’s a satire, right? Of the nerds’ club?”

“It’s not a satire.” Maya half smiles, in case Shayla is just pulling her leg. “It’s my project? To get everybody ready for Earth Day? I’m just stating a couple of facts.” The book Maya got from the library is full of facts.

“Facts?” hoots Mallory. “Are you saying that you think this stuff’s true? That, like, pretty much everything we use is destroying us and the planet?”

“Not everything,” Maya explains. “But those are the facts. Petrochemicals are in practically everything. Even our—”

“Oh dig you,” teases Finn. “Petrochemicals are in practically everything. A couple of days ago you wouldn’t have known the difference between a petrochemical and a candy bar!”

“You are joking, aren’t you?” Shelby looks around the table, grinning. “I mean, yeah, we all know some things are pretty toxic. Pesticides and stuff like that. But deodorants? Talcum powder? Food?”

“I’m not joking,” says Maya. “Everything in there is true.”

Shelby’s grin seems to have gotten stuck. “But this makes it sound like we’re taking our lives in our hands just mopping the floor.”

“You know, you really should’ve come with us last night,” says Jason. “You’ve been spending way too much time with the lunatic fringe.”

“But it’s all true,” Maya says yet again. “There’s a lot of stuff that you don’t want to swallow or breathe in or put on your skin. Even our—”

“Oh, come on, Maya…” Alice is giving her a hopeful, if not actually encouraging, smile. “Are you saying that my shampoo, soap, shower gel, make-up and body spray are all really bad for me and the environment? How is that possible?”

“Well, they are if—”

“So what are we supposed to do?” asks Mallory. “Stink like a pair of old gym socks? Go around with our teeth falling out and our faces all naked?”

Shayla would like to know what they’re supposed to wear. “You’re saying that all my clothes are made from oil? And dyed with poisons? So what’s the big solution, Maya? Should I wrap myself in leaves?”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” says Maya. “I mean, you guys are already Green. I’m just—”

“Stating a couple of facts that make us look as evil as baby-seal killers,” says Shayla.

Alice says loyally, “Oh, come on, Maya isn’t blaming us.”

“Of course I’m not,” agrees Maya. “That would be blaming the victim.”

Shelby clutches his heart. “Oh, now we’re victims!”

Alice sets down her cup, looking hopefully at Maya. “But don’t you think that maybe you’re getting a little carried away? I mean, all these things…” She gestures at the pages of Maya’s project. “The manufacturers and the government and everybody, they wouldn’t let us buy that stuff if they thought it was doing so much damage.”

Maya opens her mouth to say that, as far as she can tell, they are letting us buy that stuff, but Mallory doesn’t give her a chance.

Mallory holds up one hand. “Let’s just back up the truck here.” She looks at Maya. “What about you, Maya? You drink bottled water. You wear clothes and make-up. You use soap and shampoo.”

“That’s right!” Shayla slaps the table. “You used to eat fish and chicken all the time! And you ride around in a car throwing toxic emissions into the atmosphere just like everybody else!”

“I never said that I was perfect,” protests Maya.

“No, only Cody Lightfoot’s perfect,” mutters Jason.

But Maya doesn’t hear him because the others are all laughing so much.

Kristin said that Sicilee was bluffing.

“Yeah, sure you are…” Kristin laughed as though she’d never heard anything funnier. “We have met, you know, Sicilee. There is no way you’re going to start walking to school. I mean, my God, if the sedan chair was still around, you’d be carried into homeroom.”

“Oh, really?” In contrast, Sicilee wasn’t laughing at all.

Kristin made one of her most childish faces – the one where her mouth goes all lopsided and sarcastic and her eyes roll back. “I know you, Sicilee. The only way you’re walking to school is in your dreams. You’re going to get your mother to drop you off a couple of blocks away and pretend that you hiked from home.”

“You’re being really unfair, Kristin.” Sicilee pouted. “It just so happens that when I said that I’m going to walk to school, I meant that I’m going to walk every step of the way. You know, on my feet? Left, right, left, right? That kind of thing?”

“As if…” said Loretta. “And I bet that at night you’re going to do your homework by candlelight and knit yourself a sweater.”

“No, I know what she’s going to do after that,” chimed in Ash. “She’s going to start wearing other people’s old clothes!”

Sicilee’s expression soured. Is it possible that her friends have always been so cynical and sarcastic, and she just never noticed?

“I should bet you.” Sicilee swung her hair over her shoulder. “We’ll just see who laughs last.”

Kristin, Loretta and Ash were, of course, totally right to be sceptical. Sicilee had every intention of getting her mother to drive her to some secluded road near the school – and then stroll down to join the other intrepid walkers like Cody as if she really were a committed environmentalist on a carbon-free journey.

Life, however, is full of unforeseen complications, and the unforeseen complication in this case proved to be Dr Margot Kewe.

“But I heard you tell your friends that you’re walking to school from now on,” said Sicilee’s mother. “I didn’t have the impression that you meant just a couple of blocks. I thought you told them that you’d be walking all the way.”

The woman has the hearing of a bat and the memory of an elephant.

“Yeah, I did say that – and of course I’m going to walk all the way,” explained Sicilee. “Eventually. But I meant when the weather’s better and it’s not so cold. For now, I figure that if you could just drive me to, like, the top of Vanzander—”

Her mother frowned. “But you’re going to tell the girls that you walked from home?”

“Only for a week or two.” Sicilee hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip and rocking in place as if torn between honesty and loyalty. With a tortured sigh, honesty won. “The truth is, they’ve been giving me a really hard time lately, Mom. You know, about being Green? They think it’s all a major big joke. And way uncool. You should hear the things they say to me.”

“They probably feel a little jealous and resentful.” Dr Kewe nodded sagely. “That often happens when one member of a group does something different. Separates herself. It makes the others feel threatened.”

Sicilee stifled another tortured sigh. “Yeah, Mom, I know. But—”

“I’m sure they’ll get over it,” her mother reassured her. “Surely what’s much more important is that you’re doing the right thing. And your father and I certainly don’t think it’s a joke. We’re very proud of you and all the positive things you’ve been doing since you joined your club.” The posters. The lights turned off when she leaves a room. The water not left running for hours while Sicilee brushes her teeth and puts on her make-up. The hardly worn clothes stuffed into bags and hauled to the car for the thrift store. The interminably long baths replaced with short showers. The new willingness to wear something two – even three – times before putting it in the laundry. “And didn’t you say just the other night that the environment is more important than comfort or convenience?”

Sicilee blinked. “I was just quo—”

“No, honey, I’m very sorry, but no can do. It’s a shame your friends don’t understand how serious you are and won’t support you, but I think it would be extremely irresponsible of me to do what you’re suggesting.” Her mother didn’t sound all that sorry. “I can’t possibly undermine your commitment by enabling you to cheat.”

“Yes, you can,” said Sicilee. “And anyway, it wouldn’t really be cheating. It’d be being flexible. And it’d just be for a little while. I swear as soon as it gets warmer—”

“I’m not going to lie for you, Sicilee. What if Kristin’s mother says something to me about how wonderful it is that you’re walking to school?”

Hearing of a bat, memory of an elephant and mind of a criminal lawyer.

“Mrs Shepl?” Sicilee squawked. “Who’s going to tell her?”

“You don’t think she might notice that you’re not sharing rides to school with Kristin any more?” Sicilee hadn’t thought of that of course. “And naturally I’ve told her all about you and your club. She’s very impressed at how socially responsible you’ve become.”