Not for the first time, Charlotte was glad for the presence of servants. The thought of her handsome husband nude…No. She would not think of such things. Not yet. If she allowed herself to take even a step down that path, losing him to Marshalsea prison would rip her soul to shreds.

Thus far, there had been no pressure to consummate their marriage. For his part, Anthony wished to wait until he felt he deserved her—meaning settling matters with his creditors in a way that left his freedom secure and his gentleman’s honor and reputation intact.

Charlotte was simply avoiding undue intimacy until she knew she could keep him.

Life had taken too much from her already for her to willingly let Fate rip a lover from her, too. Especially if it meant losing Anthony.

“I saw you holding court in the common area last night,” Anthony called from the other side of the privacy screen. “Have you given more thought to taking their money?”

She gritted her teeth. Servants were still in the room. Listening.

“Charging for your time, I mean,” Anthony clarified.

She knew what he meant. And now, so did the footmen freshening his bathwater. She doubted Anthony even registered their presence. She, on the other hand, knew all too well what it was like to be invisible. For everyone’s sake, private matters were best left private.

“Can we discuss this later?” she called back.

“If you’re worried about trade not being good ton,” he continued blithely, “You’re not ton and you never will be. Please try to be practical.”

She gritted her teeth. His words stung. She knew she would never be high society. She just wanted to be a member of regular society. To not give anyone any other reasons to look down their noses at her and judge her. Her nails bit into her palms.

Rather than open her heart in front of servants feigning deafness to the one-sided conversation, Charlotte threw herself diagonally across the mattress and closed her eyes. Deep breath in. Slowly let it out. She blocked out Anthony’s opinions and the sound of bathwater and instead concentrated on relaxing her toes inside her tightly laced half-boots. Then her ankles. Then her legs.

She imagined herself floating weightless as a cloud as each section of her body relaxed into nothingness. Her shoulders. Her neck. Now even her cares could slip away one by one, until all that was left was peace.

When she opened her eyes, the bath and the servants were gone and Anthony was at the mirror, folding his neck cloth.

He glanced at her in the looking-glass. “Were you asleep?”

“No.” She sat up and re-pinned a stray hair. “I just…turned off my senses for a bit.”

His forehead creased. “Which one? Sight?”

She shrugged. “Sight, sound, sensation. All of them.”

He turned to stare at her. “You can do that?”

She set down her pins. He was right. She would never blend with society. Not with a past like hers.

“When I was young, my mother taught me.” It was not a memory she enjoyed revisiting. “At first, I thought she invented the technique to keep me quiet and calm while she entertained her…guests. Sometimes there were sounds no mother would wish her daughter to overhear.”

Anthony paled. His voice softened. “And then?”

“One day, I was old enough to understand what the sounds meant. That some of my mother’s lovers treated her like a duchess while others…did not.” Her voice wobbled as she tried to tamp down the memories. “I realized the relaxation technique was a strategy she used to survive. When she had no choice but to close off her emotions, her hearing, her sensation, and try to live through another night. Another hour.”

Anthony’s expression was horrified.

To Charlotte, it was just life. One learned to live with the horror. Somehow.

“Her relaxation technique was the most helpful gift she ever gave me.” She lifted a shoulder. “Closing myself off has often been the one thing that helped me survive.”

He rushed to the bed and pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair as he held her close. “You don’t have to shut yourself off anymore. Now you have me. We’ll fight the world together.”

She didn’t relax into the warmth of his embrace. Her eyes pricked. She did not have him. He would be gone in little over a week. His supportive presence was ephemeral, his affection a temporary salve to a lifetime of wounds.

The idea of him—the intoxicating fantasy of being loved, or even cared about, now and forever—was the precise lie she needed to protect her scarred heart against.

A knock sounded upon the door. “Mrs. Fairfax? Your hackney is here.”

Grateful for the interruption, she sprang out of Anthony’s arms to open the door. A pair of footmen lifted their luggage and carried it out to the street.

Charlotte hurried to follow.

Anthony reached her side in an instant. He placed her hand on his arm, but asked no further questions. Perhaps he didn’t have any.

Or perhaps he’d realized some truths were better left unspoken.

As they crossed the common area toward the exit, footsteps rushed up from behind them and a strong hand nearly jerked Charlotte’s arm from its socket.

A wild-eyed Mrs. Rowden stood before her, tears streaming down her face.

“Mrs. Fairfax…Oh, Mrs. Fairfax.” The widow swiped at her cheeks.

Charlotte’s heart twisted. The poor woman. But no matter what the outcome, her advice had been sound. Once Mrs. Rowden knew where she stood, she could move on. “Your son responded to your letter?”

“Tea,” she announced with pride, as if that single syllable held all the power of the universe. “He’s invited me for tea, this very afternoon. It’s not an invitation to stay overnight, much less to spend a few weeks with them—but it is more than I dreamed. My grandchildren will be there. I’ll finally get to meet them.”

Relief coursed through Charlotte’s tense muscles. “That is marvelous. I was worried about you. I’m glad we ran into each other again so that you could let me know.”

“I don’t just want to tell you. I want to thank you.” Mrs. Rowden fumbled for her reticule and thrust the banknotes therein into Charlotte’s hand. “Money doesn’t begin to repay your kindness. You’ve given me my life back. You’ve given me my son’s life, and my grandchildren’s lives. Bless you, child. I will never be able to thank you enough.”

Charlotte’s head was topsy-turvy as Mrs. Rowden rushed off to prepare herself for her tea.

“That was amazing,” she mouthed as Anthony helped her into the coach and climbed in beside her. She still couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened.

He rescued the banknotes from her trembling fingers.

“I’ll be damned,” he breathed in obvious shock. “She gave you twenty pounds!”

Charlotte hadn’t even thought of the money. She was still floating at the experience of being seen. Remembered. Appreciated. Mrs. Rowden had not just sung Charlotte’s praises—she’d acknowledged her publicly, in front of everyone. She’d treated Charlotte like an equal.

“Twenty pounds,” Anthony repeated, his wide eyes stunned. “For one piece of advice.”

His words punctured her fog of pleasure. She seized the notes from his hand to count them herself.

Her mouth fell open. She clutched the bills to her chest. He was right. Mrs. Rowden had given her twenty pounds for helping her reunite with her son.

Charlotte stared out the window in a state of unreality as the jarvey set the hack in motion. Her mind bubbled with dizzy joy. Twenty pounds was as much as Anthony could earn doing odd tasks for an entire week. He was right. Counseling wealthy people was more than profitable. It was amazing.

What if she could pay off Anthony’s debt?

He didn’t want her money, said his vowels were his responsibility—plus their current finances couldn’t come close to resolving the matter—but what if someday she could? Perhaps not today, perhaps not in a fortnight, but even if the creditors took him away…she might still get him back.

But once he had his freedom, how would she be able to talk him into living far from London?

Chapter 13

By the time their hired conveyance pulled into Nottingham, Charlotte’s bones were exhausted from so many days of travel.

Her heart, however, was yearning to hope again. Not in a childhood dream of a long-lost father who would sweep her into a new life, but in the flesh-and-blood man seated next to her in the carriage. His unshakeable faith that good fortune was always right around the corner was baffling, but infectious. Perhaps this time, luck had found them both.

Impulsively, she turned to hold his strong, handsome face in her hands and pressed her lips to his. He cupped the back of her head as he responded in kind, his mouth as hungry as her own. She let him hold her close. There was nowhere else she wished to be.

One by one, she extinguished every sense except for their kiss. The clatter of the carriage disappeared until all she could hear was the beating of her heart. The jarring bounce of stiff wheels over uneven road vanished, as did the chill of the night air whistling through the carriage door. All she felt was the strength in his arms, the heat of his embrace. The dizzying taste of his mouth covering hers.

Another woman might wish such a kiss would never stop. Not Charlotte. She hoped it would occur again and again. That her future would be filled with a thousand passionate kisses, safe in the arms of this man. She would never take him for granted. His presence would always feel like she’d slipped into a dream. A place where she was the thing that mattered most. Where every kiss was a promise of five more to come.

She didn’t pull away until her lungs were out of breath and her heart was in grave danger of surrendering itself completely.