Every muscle in my body froze solid.

“What did she just say?” Stevie asked.

“She did not just say that in front of me,” Kitty Sue said.

“Holy crap,” Dolores said.

“Oh… my… gawd,” Tod said.

“You fucking bitch,” Ally said.

“This is more like it,” Tex said.

I started to come out of my chair, intent on ripping Cherry’s face off, when the lady at the table behind us spoke.

“Excuse me, we’re trying to eat,” she told Cherry.

I looked at the lady. She was Kitty Sue’s age, hair died a stern brunette, petite and soft in the middle.

“Pipe down, you old bag. I’m having a conversation,” Cherry said to her.

Like I said, first class bitch.

The woman looked to her husband who was sitting across the table from her. “Did she just call me an old bag?”

He looked scared, Menopausal Martha had obviously been unleashed.

She looked back to Cherry. “You can’t call me an old bag. I’m only fifty-two. Fifty is the new forty,” she told Cherry.

“Old’s old, and you’re old,” Cherry told her and then turned to me. She opened her mouth to speak again when a pea flew through the air and settled in Cherry’s Farrah Fawcett locks.

Uh-oh.

This was not good.

Cherry felt it and started batting at her hair like she was being swarmed by killer bees.

Once the pea flew out, she turned to the older woman. “Did you just throw a pea at me?”

In answer, the woman picked another pea out of her fried rice and threw it at Cherry. It bounced off Cherry’s chin and landed on the floor.

“Food fight!” Tex boomed and I turned and shushed him.

“What going on here?” We all looked at Dragon Lady who was front of the house at Twin Dragons. She was absolutely cool, cool, cool, gorgeous, slim, her black hair always pinned back in an elegant bun and she was a top notch artist with eyeliner.

“Nothing,” I said, trying to be peacemaker and salvage the night so I could have more drinks and get to my sesame chicken.

“She called me an old bag,” the other lady said, foiling my plan.

Dragon Lady turned to Cherry. “Did you call her old bag?”

“She is an old bag. Jeesh, what’s the big fuckin’ deal?”

“That not nice,” Dragon Lady said.

“And! This table was minding their own business and she just walked up and started talking about…” the lady’s voice dropped to a whisper, “blow jobs.”

Dragon Lady’s turned to Cherry and her eyes narrowed frighteningly.

“You harass my customer with dirty talk? What you problem?” she asked.

Then, out of nowhere, a bowl of egg drop soup came flying through the air, the bowl collided with Cherry’s head, the soup dripping down her hair and shoulder.

We all turned to see Marianne standing and panting, her hands fists at her side.

“You slept with my husband!” Marianne screeched.

Oh Lord.

At this announcement, the lady Cherry insulted threw the whole plate of fried rice at Cherry and it scattered in little tiny bits everywhere. Cherry screeched at the top of her lungs then several more bowls of soup were hurled at Cherry (all of them by Tod and Stevie who were pretty good aims).

Then Marianne ran around the table and tackled Cherry and they went down, rolling, grunting and pulling hair. Ally and I tried to separate them while the lady who Cherry insulted jumped on top of all of us and we were wrapped up in the mayhem. Cherry’s two friends got caught in it mainly because we rolled into them and they toppled over like bowling pins.

I don’t really remember much after that except Dragon Lady screaming, “Help! Police!” and running away.

Cherry and me somehow ended the scuffle together, rolling around in soup and fried rice, kicking, biting and pulling hair when I was hauled up with two hands under my armpits.

I turned to see Tony Petrino, a uniform cop I knew, but not well. We’d seen each other at a couple of parties and once spent hours drunk in lawn chairs trying to decipher the hidden meaning to the words to Don McLean’s “American Pie”.

He dragged me straight out the front door and to the side of the restaurant where the parking lot was. Then he turned and unclipped the strap to his weapon..

“Back away, big guy,” he said to Tex.

“I’m with her. Bodyguard,” Tex replied.

Tony looked at me, eyebrows raised.

“It’s true, kinda,” I said, because it was. “Are you gonna arrest me?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “No fucking way. Your Dad and Malcolm would have a cow and I’m not arresting Lee Nightingale’s girlfriend. He’d have my balls. I like my balls where they are. Get in your car and get out of here.”

Tex and I didn’t wait around, this, as pertains to my current life, was a gift from the gods.

I thanked Tony, we got in the El Camino and we took off. Tex turned into the Sonic a few blocks down and we parked at a menu speaker.

I looked around. I loved Sonic. They were the only fast food restaurant I knew that served tater tots.

But Sonic was a franchise.

“Tex…”

“I know, I know. But I saw it on a commercial. I’m hungry and they bring food to your car. No one’s gonna let us in with you wearin’ wonton soup and fried rice.”

This, unfortunately, was true.

“I’m sorry about the El Camino, it’s gonna smell like hot and sour. I’ll pay to have it cleaned.”

Tex shrugged. “Better ‘n’ normal, I say.”

Then he asked me what I wanted, he barked our order into the speaker and I did my round of calls to the girls and boys of my circle, making sure they were okay, uninjured and unarrested. When I knew all was well in the world and I’d eaten tater tots smothered in frightening orange cheese chased by a chocolate malt, Tex fired up the Camino and we headed to Cat Land.

* * *

I took my second shower with the cat (named Rocky) watching me from the toilet seat. In my buying frenzy, I’d forgotten sleepwear so Tex gave me a clean flannel shirt and sweat pants, neither of which fit nor even came close but something was better than nothing. I shoved my Chinese Food clothes in a plastic bag and tied the handles tight.

Tex gave good sleepovers, after my shower, he got out his hooch, which burned when it went down but seriously took the edge off. He also got out a bag of corn chips and one of those huge-ass bars of chocolate with almonds. We snacked and camped out in front of the television and watched whatever was on, including commercials, which in the Age of the Remote was unheard of. Tex’s big console TV appeared to be purchased during America’s Bicentennial and didn’t have a remote and neither of us felt like getting up to change the channel every ten minutes.

Finally, Tex gave me a sheet, a pillow and a blanket and introduced me to Tiddles (a fluffy gray who settled on my belly), Winky (a sleek tiger-kitty with white feet who settled between my ankles) and Flossy (a tuxedo who settled in the crook of my arm). Tex put lights out and, as was per usual, I fell asleep.

I had a weird dream that started with the dial of a rotary phone, something I hadn’t heard in years.

Then, in my dream, I heard Tex say quietly (yes, quietly, this was how I knew it was a dream), “This Nightingale Investigations?” Pause. “Yeah, this is Tex MacMillan. Tell your boss I got somethin’ of his.”

Then the phone was replaced in its cradle.

I knew this was a dream, it had to be a dream because Tex would never give me up.

Never.

* * *

The next thing I knew, I was being lifted in the air and cats were flying everywhere.

I opened my eyes and saw Lee. He was adjusting me in his arms but looking over me at something.

I turned my head to see Tex coming towards us with my plastic bag, purse and shopping bags.

“Say it ain’t so, Tex,” I whispered.

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,” Tex returned.

I looked out the window then back at Tex. “The sun’s been down for hours.”

In the quiet voice of my not-so-dream, Tex replied, “You know what I mean, darlin’.”

I made an annoyed noise because really, what do you say to that? I hated not having a comeback.

Lee was quiet through this exchange and started walking to the door.

Tex followed.

“I can walk, you know,” I told Lee.

“You can also run,” Lee replied.

“Not in these sweats, I can’t. They’re seven sizes too big.”

Lee didn’t answer, he also didn’t put me down until we got to the passenger door. He pressed me inside, slammed the door and he and Tex put my stuff in the trunk.

Tex waved as we drove away.

Traitor.

I said nothing all the way to the condo. Once Lee pulled up the parking brake in the garage, I got out and shuffled on bare feet to the elevator, clutching the sweats at the waistband.

Lee grabbed the plastic bag filled with my Chinese Food clothes, my purse and my shopping bags from the trunk and followed me.

We remained silent all the way up the elevator and Lee let me in the condo. I went straight to the bedroom to the drawer where Judy the Housekeeper put my undies. I dropped the sweats, put on some panties, left the flannel shirt on and slid into bed, on my side, with my arm wrapped around the edge and my hand tucked between the mattress and box springs. I was holding on for dear life, there was going to be no cuddling tonight.

I heard laundry noises, obviously Lee was taking no chances with my Chinese Food clothes and was relegating them to the washing machine without delay.