Kristen Ashley - Rock Chick

“Girlie, you fuck this up and I’m calling the boys in the white jackets. You let something that fine slip through your fingers, you deserve a padded room. Especially if he’s good at relationship stuff. Most especially if he’s serious about you. No one who looks like that and fills out a pair of jeans like that is good at relationship stuff. I don’t care if he runs through the seven circles of hell.”

Tod had a point.

I put the roses down on a side table, I needed to do something normal. If I didn’t do something normal, I was gonna get a first class ticket on the first plane to San Salvador. I was beginning to realize the allure of San Salvador.

“I need to finish my macaroni salad and make brownies. Wanna help?”

Tod shrugged.

“Sure, you watch Chowleena, I’m going next door to get my gun.”

“Your gun?”

“Hunk of Burning Love is out there fighting a war for you so someone has to protect you. I’ll be right back.”

Tod left to get his gun and I threw a doggie biscuit to Chowleena.

This new turn with Terry Wilcox meant my life was officially fucked up.

I could have a meltdown but instead I made macaroni salad.

I’d save the meltdown for later…

Hopefully when I was in Grand Lake.

Tod and I finished the macaroni salad and made the brownies and because we were both pumped up on adrenalin by being held at gunpoint and shot at, we made chocolate pecan pie. The whole time we did this, I fielded phone calls. Some of them were (obviously bogus) Rosie or Duke sightings, most of them were from girlfriends and the conversations with my girlfriends were all the same.

Question: Was it true, had I hooked up with Liam Nightingale?

Answer: (a hesitant) Yes.

Option: (pick one or multiple choice) Squeal / Shout / Curse / Scream / Shriek (usually the word: Ohmigod!)

Question: Had we done it yet?

Answer: We’re taking it slow.

Then a lot of yelling about what was taking me so long, questions about how Lee kissed (“you have kissed him, haven’t you?”), more resurfacing of the nasty bra-bow rumor, etc. I thanked God that I had such a long apprenticeship at being cagey and a master liar because it sure came in handy.

After all of our grueling activity, Tod and I headed up to my balcony with the phone and an egg timer and collapsed into lounge chairs.

I didn’t trust myself not to fall asleep and get burned to a crisp, so we set the timer and every fifteen minutes we turned.

Unfortunately, we eventually forgot to set the timer, the phone finally went silent and I fell into an unscheduled Disco Nap. Fortunately, I was not the kind of redhead with freckles all over that burned within seconds of the sun touching my skin. Not to mention, I’d re-dosed with factor 8 before hitting the lounge and was already nursing a pretty deep base tan.

I was lying on my stomach and I felt something on my shoulder. I whirled around on my lounge chair and brought my hands up in the karate position that all of Charlie’s Angels used.

Lee was crouched beside me.

“I thought I told you to stay in the house,” he said, his voice was low but not angry, his eyes were on my hands and I could see the corners crinkled in a semi-smile at the sides of his cool sunglasses.

Since I didn’t need to karate-chop him, I dropped my stance.

“I did stay in the house. Then the house got boring and we couldn’t get a tan in the house. Anyway, Tod’s protecting me.”

We both looked to Tod who was on his stomach on the lounge. His gun was unattended on the balcony floor and Chowleena was lying on her side in the shade under Tod’s lounge. They both were fast asleep.

Oopsie.

“He’s from Texas and he’s a drag queen. He has quick reflexes,” I assured Lee.

Tod opened an eye and looked between me and Lee.

“Am I off duty?” he asked Lee.

Lee nodded.

Tod got up, taking his gun with him, patted his leg to call Chowleena and said to me, “Got a fund raiser tomorrow night, you on Drag Duty?”

Tod and the rest of the drag community of Denver often did fund raisers where they lip-synched their hearts out and gave their tips to charity. Stevie and I were Tod’s alter-ego, Burgundy Rose’s official drag hags. It was the only true workout I got, lugging around Burgundy’s sequined dresses. They weighed a ton. As Tod said, “They don’t call it drag for nothing, girlie.”

I nodded to him. “If I’m alive, wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”

Tod’s eyes moved to Lee. “It’s a drag show for charity. You bringing Indy?”

Lee stood and since Tod was no longer wearing his high heels, he went from looking down on Lee to looking up. Tod’s gaze didn’t waver.

“If I’m not workin’, I’ll be there.”

Tod looked again to me. “Swear to God, you fuck this up, I’m calling the white jackets.”

Then he and Chowleena left.

“You find Rosie?” I asked Lee, coming out of the lounge.

“No.”

“The diamonds?”

“No.”

“Is Duke back?”

“Yes.”

“Is he safe?”

“Yes.”

“No diamonds?”

“They’re gone.”

“Fuck!” I stomped my foot. “Who has them?”

“That’s a good question.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I snapped again. “Did you talk to Terry Wilcox?”

“Yes.”

“How’d that go?”

I had lifted my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun so I could look at him. During my questioning, Lee was looking beyond me to the alley and into the backyards of my neighbors. When he answered, his eyes shifted to me.

“I gave him your excuses for missing dinner on Wednesday.”

“What were those?”

“You’d be with me and I’d be fucking your brains out.”

My vagina went into spasm and my knees went week.

“How’d he take that?” I asked, trying to pretend I wasn’t about to collapse.

“He wasn’t pleased.”

“Erm, can you explain what you meant earlier by ‘declaration of war’?”

“Only if we do it inside, we’re exposed up here.”

I grabbed the phone, the timer and my sarong and walked into the bedroom. I threw everything on the bed and tied the sarong around my hips. Lee closed the door behind him and pulled off his shades.

He walked up to me, tossed his sunglasses on the bed and untied the sarong from around my hips.

“I just tied that,” I told him, grabbing for it.

He ignored me and threw it on the bed, out of my reach and put his hands on my hips, drawing me to him.

“I thought you were gonna tell me about this war thing,” I reminded him.

“Simple. He wants something. That something belongs to me. He begins his campaign to get what he wants and I begin mine to keep it.”

I was trying not to be pissed off but it was hard.

“I don’t belong to you.”

“I know that and you know that but men like Coxy don’t know that. He acquires things, even humans, especially women. His men don’t work for him because they respect and trust him, they do it because he pays them a lot.”

Okay, that made sense.

My hips were against his hips and his hands were going up my back, pulling the rest of my body into contact with his.

I ignored it.

“Have you dissuaded him from this war?”

“Not likely.”

“What happens now?”

“I deal with it. You hear from him, see him, you tell me.”

I could do that, that sounded easy.

Lee’s hands made it to my shoulders and my entire torso was pressed against his.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Lee’s head came down and his lips were on my neck.

“Quarter to two,” he said against my skin.

“Ohmigod!” I shouted and tried to pull away but Lee’s arms tightened and brought me back. “I have to take a shower, we have to get to Dad’s. I’m supposed to be making the hamburger patties.”

“Your father can make the hamburgers. We’re gonna be late.”

I stared at him in horror. “Late? We can’t be late! Dad loves you, Lee, but he’s not exactly jumping for joy that we’re together. We can’t be late the first time we go home for a barbeque!”

Lee’s face changed and his eyes became warm.

“Are we together?”

Oh crap.

I started thinking fast.

“We’re not, not together.”

“I’m not entirely certain what to do with that.”

I explained, “We’re not exactly together and were not, not together. We’re in together-limbo. We’re test-driving together to see if we want to buy it.”

“We go to your Dad’s late, I could convince you to buy it.”

I was pretty certain he was right so, in self-defense, I put my hands against his chest and pushed.

He didn’t budge.

I changed tactics.

“How are you so sure you want to buy it?”

“I’m sure.”

“How are you sure?”

“Trust me, I’m sure.”

“How?”

“I have an idea, why don’t we shower together?” he suggested.

“That isn’t telling me how.”

“No, but it would be showing you.”

“So ‘how’ is a showing thing, not a telling thing?”

“’How’ is show and tell, I just feel in the mood to show.”

Grr.

On to Plan C.

“When you show me the how, do you want me to have my mind on hamburger patties?”

He smiled his killer smile.

“Your mind wouldn’t be on hamburger patties.”

I was pretty certain he was right about that too.

This took me to Plan D.

“Lee, give me a break. It’s my Dad and I promised him I’d be there early to help.”