We got to know each other in every possible way as we drove to southern California before heading up to Napa. We stayed in a cute boutique hotel in downtown San Diego overlooking the gorgeous bay near the East Village. We stopped into a restaurant called the Cowboy Star. Jamie went off to the restroom while I took a seat at the bar. I ordered a martini called a Mae West from their cocktail menu, and then a few moments later I heard Jamie behind me ask for a glass of the Lawson Pinot. I turned around and smiled. “Good choice, sailor.”

He sat on the stool next to me and held his hand out. “I’m Jamie.”

“Kate,” I said, as I shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He bowed his head very slightly.

“That’s a very sexy wine you ordered.”

“Agreed. I know a little bit about it. I’m R. J. Lawson.”

“Get outta here.” I socked him in the arm.

He laughed. “It’s no lie.”

“But you said your name was . . .”

“Jamie. That’s right. That’s what my friends call me.”

“Jamie, huh? So we’re friends?”

“I’d like to be.” His gaze fell to my mouth.

I took a sip of my martini and worked very hard not to crack a smile. “Well, I’m Kate Corbin. I used to be a reporter for a newspaper, and I would have killed for an exclusive with you.”

“Sounds quite violent of you, Kate, but what the hell, I’m exclusively yours . . . Ask away.”

“I said I used to be a reporter.”

“Oh . . . I see. What do you do now?”

“I’m writing a book, actually, and I could use some inspiration.”

“How can I be of service to you?”

“Why don’t you tell me something about yourself that I won’t find on Wikipedia. Like, what’s next for you?”

“What’s next for me? Hmm . . . Just one thing?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Okay, I’m hoping that by some serendipitous miracle I will end up in bed with an angel tonight.”

Looking sharply at him, I shook my head. “Seems impossible, and anyway, what fun is that? Angels are so pure.”

“Okay, maybe a mildly naughty angel.”

“What will you do with her?”

He arched his eyebrows, leaned in, and whispered, “Would you like a preview of what I would do to her?”

“Yes!” I practically shouted at him. My heart was racing, and I could feel the beginning of that pulsing ache between my legs.

He shook his head back and forth very slowly. “No, we only just met. I think we should take it slow.”

“What?” My voice got really high.

“Yeah, I mean, telling you, a complete stranger, a reporter no less, my innermost thoughts and feeling . . . I don’t know, it just seems a little reckless.”

“Is that how you want to play it?” I said before downing my entire martini in two gulps. He didn’t respond. He just watched me as I looked at the time on my phone and then reached into my purse and grabbed a ten-dollar bill. I threw it on the bar, waved to the bartender, and hopped off my stool.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling it a night. I hope you find your angel.” I winked at him.

He followed me all the way back to the hotel and then stepped in front of me to open the large glass door.

“Ma’am.”

“Sir, are you following me?”

He walked beside me toward the elevator. “I’m stalking you,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m going to stalk you for the rest of my life.”

We stepped in and the doors closed. “Sounds terrifying.”

He pushed me against the wall and tried to kiss me, but I dodged his face back and forth. We started laughing. “For the love of god, let me kiss you.”

“I don’t kiss on the first date.”

“You had sex with me eighteen different ways on our first date.”

The elevator doors opened and I hurried out. “That wasn’t really our first date.”

“Okay, how about this, you stripped down and went skinny-dipping with me five hours after you met me.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m charming.”

“You have an ego,” I said as I slipped the key card into the door and pushed it open.

“I like it when you’re a tease.”

I flipped on the lights as the door closed behind Jamie. I threw my purse and coat on a chair and put my hand on my hip. “Okay, then I’ll be a tease more often.”

“I’m lying, I don’t really like it when you’re a tease. Now, get naked,” he said as he tore his clothes off.

I obliged.

We were still naked in the morning, with the covers pulled all the way up to our necks. We were lying on our sides, facing each other and smiling like two lovesick kids. “You know what I find entertaining?”

“Tell me.”

He scowled and then spoke in a deep, steely voice. “Watching you squirm.” He laughed maniacally and then sunk beneath the sheets.

“You will not tickle me!” I protested.

He turned me forcefully so that I was lying flat on my stomach, and then he bit my butt.

“Ouch!”

From under the covers, I heard him mumble, “Oh sorry, baby.” He tore the sheets away and then grabbed my arms and forced them above my head. The light from the window was blaring across the bed. He didn’t move for several seconds, he just hovered, holding my hands tight. My face was resting sideways on the pillow so I could just barely see him in my peripheral vision. “Am I hurting you?”

“No, but what are you doing?”

“Looking at you.”

“Looking at my ass?”

“All of you. Your shoulders and your hair sweeping across your back. I’m looking at your breast pressed against the bed.” He paused. “I’m going to lick that soon, just so you know.”

I giggled into the pillow. “I’m starting to feel a little vulnerable and self-conscious here.”

“Why? You’re beautiful, Kate. You have a beautiful body,” he said seriously, and then laughed. “And a really nice ass.” He bit my butt again.

“Stop! You’re making me crazy.”

“Am I? I’m just looking at you, at what’s mine.”

“Listen, sailor, you don’t own me. I’m not yours.”

“You’re right, I don’t own you.” He bent, still hovering, but his mouth came close to my ear. “I never want to own you, but you are mine. You’re mine to love as long as you’ll let me.” He released my arms and then turned me onto my back. Smiling, he said, “Can I kiss you now?”

He didn’t wait for me to answer.

• • •

It was sunny the day we reached the winery. We were greeted by Susan and Guillermo and a very excited Chelsea. I learned that Susan had already begun planning the wedding and making travel arrangements for my family and friends in Chicago. She really was like a mother to Jamie, someone I felt would always be a large part of our lives. Her children were grown, and although she often laid on a thick layer of tough love, I knew underneath it she was a soft, loving, and warm person who put a lot of value on family.

We settled into our life in the barn. Jamie said we should stop calling it the barn and start calling it our home. I loved him for that spirit. He built me a writing loft inside of it with a window that looked out onto the vineyard. I spent most of my days up there writing, and sometimes I would look out and feel like my life couldn’t possibly be real. I would sit up there and watch Jamie interacting with the other workers or operating some huge machine or just standing out among the sea of vines, staring up at the sky and marveling at his own life, the same way I did.

Just Bob had sent me on a bit of a journey that year, and I didn’t blame him for making me think I should be closed off to love. I thanked him for showing me the contrast. It’s hard to know how green the grass is if you’ve never been on the other side of the fence. That’s the whole point, right? Sometimes I think that if I were preaching on the L to me from a year ago, I would simply say, “Live your fucking life, Kate, and let yourself be open to love.” But then I realize that’s not the kind of advice people understand and take. Everyone thinks they’re living their life.

This is what I would really say: “Leave your life. Leave everyone you love, every care, every stress, every commitment. Live alone. Understand what it feels like to know that if you go into cardiac arrest, choke on a piece of hot dog, or get electrocuted, no one will find you. You’ll rot. No one will mourn you. Imagine this feeling haunting your thoughts for the rest of your life. You’ll wither and vanish, and some stranger will take care of your things and your burial, and you may not even get a placard. Imagine that, live it, and let yourself believe that you should be alone, and then go back to the people who love you.” That is what I would preach. That is the challenge I would present. Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and the readiness to show appreciation in return. On my journey, I learned what it felt like to live. To live is to be grateful.

• • •

The sky was cloudless and more beautiful than usual on the day of our wedding. Jamie looked gorgeous in a black vest over a white dress shirt. I watched him standing under an iron arch, waiting for the ceremony to begin. I was hidden behind the massive tent set up for our reception, but could see through an opening that the seats on both sides of the aisle were filling up. We didn’t have a wedding party, but we had invited all of the greatest people we knew. Susan, Guillermo, Chef Mark, and their families were there. On my side were all my new siblings and their significant others. Even my newly acquired grandparents and stepmother were there. I spotted Jerry and Beth and smiled really wide when I saw Dylan and Ashley take a seat.

I watched Jamie for several moments. Sometimes you can learn even more about someone by watching them from afar. His shirtsleeves were rolled up and his hair was tousled messily. He was absolutely adorable, smiling at all of the guests. I could see the excitement coursing through him, and I could tell that he was touched by how many guests had come all that way to California for us.