“No!” she said sharply. “We must end this now. You mustn’t wait to see if I’ll change my mind, and having an affair will only prolong the pain. Find joy in all the things you were deprived of. A year from now you won’t be interested in an aging spy.”

“I’m tempted to spank you,” he said with exasperation. “You worry about my state of mind, yet you’re so daft that you don’t recognize what an extraordinary and beautiful woman you are.” He began kissing his way down her throat, stirring sensations she’d thought exhausted. “Can I at least convince you that you are incredibly desirable?”

She opened her legs and he settled between them, his hardening length sliding along her exquisitely sensitive flesh. As she rocked against him, she said huskily, “You make me feel like the most desirable woman on earth.”

“Because you are.” He buried his face in the angle of her shoulder. “Ah, God, Cassie! If we only have tonight, let us spend every moment of it well.”

“We will,” she breathed as she drew him into her. “We will.”

When passion and words were exhausted, Grey cradled her spoon style, her back against his chest so she could feel the strong beat of his heart. She wondered if she’d ever feel so close to another man again.

Perhaps. Her time with Grey had changed her in fundamental ways. She could now imagine a life beyond war. If she survived, she’d buy a home in Norfolk to be near her family. Perhaps she might even marry someday. But just now, it was impossible to imagine loving any man but Grey.

She was half asleep when Grey began to sing, the soft words and melody barely audible. She hadn’t heard him sing since finding him in the dungeons of Castle Durand. She’d been surprised as much as by his strong, rich voice as by the amazing bawdiness of his song.

His voice was still rich, but this time he sang of love, or rather lost love. Her throat tightened as she recognized the haunting song from her childhood.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

Remember me to one who lives there

She once was a true love of mine.

The verses continued in the series of challenges to accomplish impossible tasks before love could be achieved. Aching, she closed her eyes against the sting of tears.

Remember me to one who lives there

He once was a true love of mine.


Chapter 40

Grey had faced more difficult challenges than bidding Cassie a civil farewell as she left him forever, but he couldn’t offhand remember when. He prayed that he would be able to maintain his composure rather than break down and confirm her worst suspicions of his mental stability.

The whole Sommers family had gathered in the front hall to say good-bye to Cassie and her cousins. She wasn’t dressed for glamour this morning, but the rich dark brown of her beautifully tailored morning gown was a perfect complement to her glorious auburn hair and porcelain complexion. When she turned to him to make her farewell, she looked more regal than the queen of England. It was hard to remember that they had lain naked and passionate in each other’s arms the night before.

While Richard and Neil gave effusive thanks and farewells to the earl and countess, Grey took the opportunity for a few last private words with Cassie. Close up, he saw shadows under her eyes. Not surprising, given how little sleep they’d had. He probably looked much the same.

“If I can get through this without breaking down into strong hysterics, surely I’m cured of my prison madness,” he murmured, trying for a light note. “Though, to be honest, the only thing preventing me from sweeping you away and locking you in the attics is the knowledge that you’d break my arm or something even more valuable.”

Her eyes lit with wry amusement. “I don’t doubt that you’re well on the way to recovery, Grey. Soon you’ll be breaking every female heart in the beau monde.”

“Oddly enough, that’s not my ambition.” He studied her face with such desperate ferocity that his gaze should have scorched her pale redhead’s complexion. In a remote corner of his mind, he understood why she believed they must go their separate ways. An even smaller part of him agreed. But his heart, body, and soul believed otherwise.

“Time to go, Cat!” Neil called.

“Good-bye, my lord and companion in adversity.” Cassie raised her hand and brushed Grey’s cheek with feather lightness. “I shall never forget you.”

His control snapped and he crushed her into a desperate embrace. “Don’t go, Cassie!” he whispered into her ear. “Stay.”

For an instant she hugged him back just as hard. Then she broke away, her face flushing. “Live well, Grey. Be happy.” She turned and walked out of Summerhill.

Taking his heart with her.

Cassie didn’t relax until the coach was well away from the estate. Not that she expected Grey to come galloping after her and sweep her onto his horse. Surely he knew better than to try. But with him, she could never be quite sure.

When they reached the main road east toward London, she finally settled back. Four people in the coach meant they were warm, so she removed her bonnet. Richard sat beside her. The facing seat held Neil opposite Cassie, while Hazel, looking invisible as only Kirkland’s agents could manage, sat across from Richard.

Richard had been silent until now, but he said abruptly, “I saw what Wyndham did as we were leaving. Has he behaved dishonorably to you, Cat?”

“Dishonorably?” she asked incredulously. “What do you mean?”

Looking embarrassed but ready to call Grey out, Richard asked, “Did he lead you to have expectations that he didn’t fulfill?”

Caught between amusement and irritation, Cassie said coolly, “If you’re practicing to be head of the family, don’t. I am quite capable of taking care of myself.”

“But is he doing right by you?” Richard persisted. “I’m serious, Catherine.”

She studied her cousins for a dozen turns of the carriage wheels, wondering if they could understand the reality of a spy’s life. They’d probably be shocked—they were the sons of a vicar, after all. Better not to try to explain the complexities of her situation. “Wyndham wanted to marry me. Most people would consider that honorable behavior.”

“And you didn’t want to?” His voice was puzzled. “I don’t understand. You seemed very fond of each other.”

“It’s complicated.” She closed her eyes, cutting off discussion. She didn’t understand, either. But she knew she was right. Grey was not yet ready to take a bride. When and if he became ready, it wouldn’t be her.

Once more the trip to London was made at the quickest pace that a hired coach and frequent changes of horses could manage. Even so, it was midevening by the time they reached London. At her request, Hazel was set down near Kirkland’s office. Cassie suspected the agent would report about Wyndham’s return home.

As Hazel climbed from the coach, Cassie said, “Many thanks. You made my visit to the West Country much easier.”

Hazel smiled. “I enjoyed it. Perhaps we’ll meet again at Exeter Street.”

When the coach began moving again, Neil observed, “Not the usual lady’s maid.”

Cassie smiled. “I’m not the usual lady.”

St. Ives House was only a short ride away. As Neil helped her from the coach, she studied the façade. This block of houses was handsome and well proportioned. As a child, she hadn’t been brought to London often, but she remembered the house well.

“Is it difficult to be here again?” Richard asked as she took his arm.

She nodded. “I stayed here only a few times, but I have fond memories of the place. So I’ve avoided it.”

“You never came by when you were in London?” Neil asked, surprised.

“Never.” Her mouth twisted. “I buried everything to do with my childhood, and never looked back.”

“That’s not going to happen again,” Neil said firmly. “We won’t allow it.”

“Bossy brothers,” she said with a smile. “Even when I was eight years old, I didn’t take orders well.”

Richard grinned. “Can’t I briefly hope that you’ve become more biddable?”

“A waste of time. Best turn your thoughts to not shocking your parents too much,” she advised. “When Lady Costain saw Wyndham without warning, she fainted.”

“Good point. I’ll go in and prepare them. Neil, give me a couple of minutes to set the stage before you bring in Cat.”

“Shall do.”

The footman who admitted them gave Cassie a curious glance, but he was too young to have known her. “Welcome home, sirs. If you wish to pay your respects to Lord and Lady St. Ives, they’re having tea in the salon.”

“Send up a supper for three people,” Richard ordered. His step quick, he climbed the stairs to the salon.

Neil took Cassie’s cloak and bonnet, adding, “Prepare a room for our guest.” When the servant bustled off, he asked Cassie, “Ready to meet more relatives?”

She smiled crookedly as she took his arm. “I now have more sympathy for Wyndham’s nerves about going home after long absence.”

“Since you weren’t expecting Richard and me, you didn’t have to worry first,” he agreed. “But this won’t be bad. Now march lively!”

She laughed and obeyed. As they climbed the stairs, she tried to remember her cousins’ birthdays. Richard was about a year older than she, Neil a year younger. Close enough that the three of them had run around together like a pack of heathens. The vicarage was much more relaxed than the manor house, and Cassie had spent much time there, sitting in on lessons taught by her uncle.

The house appeared similar to the way she remembered it, with a number of furnishings that she recognized. Yet there were enough changes, particularly new artwork and upholstery, that it no longer felt like her parents’ house. She was glad of that.