I would drag Esmeralda out of bed and make her peer through the banisters at the brilliant array, sometimes darting to the head of the stairs so that had any looked up I should have been in full view of them. Esmeralda would tremble with fear and I would laugh at her, knowing that I should never be sent away because above all Cousin Agatha must boast of her goodness to me. I would caper round our bedroom and make Esmeralda dance with me.

It was in the country that I became really aware of the great importance of the Carringtons. Even Cousin Agatha spoke their names with a certain awe. They lived in Trentham Towers, a very grand house on a hill—a mansion—and Mr. Josiah Carrington was a sort of squire in the neighborhood. Like Cousin William Loring, he had big interests in the City and had a London residence—in Park Lane in fact. Nanny Grange had pointed it out to us on several occasions. "That's the Carringtons' Town Place," she said in hushed tones, as though it were paradise itself.

They owned most of the Sussex hamlet and the surrounding farms, and Mr. Josiah Carrington's wife was Lady Emily, which meant that she was the daughter of an earl. One of Cousin Agatha's great ambitions was to live on terms of familiarity with the Carringtons, and as she was a woman who only had to want something to get it, she did, after a fashion. Cousin William's Sussex house was pleasantly Georgian with gracious portico and elegant lines. The drawing room was on the first floor and as it was large and lofty with a beautiful molded ceiling it was ideal for entertaining. Here Cousin Agatha "received" every Thursday when she was "At Home" in the country, and the dinner parties and the balls she gave were very well attended. She would be most disconsolate if for some reason the Carringtons were not present.

She was very gracious to Lady Emily and claimed great interest in everything that lady did while Cousin William and Mr. Josiah Carrington discussed "the Market" with equal passion.

Then there was Philip Carrington, who was about a year older than I and some two years older than Esmeralda. Cousin Agatha was very anxious that he and Esmeralda should be good friends. I remember our going to the country in the early summer and meeting Philip for the first time. Esmeralda had been formally introduced to him in the drawing room; I had been excluded. Then Cousin Agatha had instructed Esmeralda to take Philip to the stables and show him her pony.

I waylaid them on the way and joined them.

Philip was fair, with freckles across his nose and very light blue eyes; he was about my height and I was tall for my age. He looked interested in me, for I could see he had already decided to despise Esmeralda and was put out because he had been sent off with a girl, and a puny one at that.

"I suppose you ride ponies," he said rather scornfully.

"Well, what do you ride?" I asked.

"A horse of course."

"We shall have horses later on," said Esmeralda.

He ignored her.

I said: "We could ride horses just as well. They're no different from ponies."

"What do you know about that?"

So we bickered all the way to the stables.

He scorned our ponies and I was angry with him because I loved my Brownie passionately, but it is true that I never felt quite the same about the poor creature after that. He showed us the horse he had ridden over on.

"A very small one," I pointed out.

"I bet you couldn't ride it."

"I bet I could."

It was a challenge. Esmeralda trembled with fear and kept murmuring, "No, Ellen, don't," as I mounted his horse barebacked and rode it recklessly round the paddock. I must admit I was a bit scared, but I wasn't going to let him score over me and I had the insult to poor Brownie to answer.

Philip mounted then and performed some tricks for us to admire. He showed off blatantly. He and I sparred all the time, but there was no doubt that we enjoyed the sparring. It used to upset Esmeralda because she thought we hated each other.

"Mama wouldn't like it," she told me. "Remember, he's a Carrington."

"Well, I'm a Kellaway," I said, "and that's as good as a Carrington."

Philip had a tutor that summer and we saw a great deal of him. It was then that I first heard of Rollo.

"What a silly name," I said, which made Philip flush with fury.

Rollo was his brother, who was ten years older than he was. Philip spoke of him with pride. He was about twelve then, so Rollo was twenty-two. He was at Oxford and according to Philip could do everything.

"A pity he can't change his name," I said just to plague him.

"It's a great name, you silly thing. It's a Viking name."

"They were pirates," I said scornfully.

"They ruled the seas. Everywhere they went they conquered. Rollo was the great one who went to France and the King there was so worried he gave him a great slice of his country and that became Normandy. We're Normans." He looked at us disparagingly. "We came over here and conquered you."

"You didn't," I cried. "Because we are Normans too, aren't we, Esmeralda?"

Esmeralda was not sure. I gave her a little push. She had no idea how to deal with Philip. Not that either of us took any notice of her opinion in any case.

"We were better Normans than you were," said Philip. "We were the dukes and you were only the common people."

"Oh no, we weren't..."

And that was how it went on.

Once Esmeralda said to me: "Mama would be cross if she knew how you quarreled with Philip. You forget he's a Carrington."

I remember when Rollo came down from Oxford. I first saw him riding in the lanes with Philip. His horse was white and as I said to Esmeralda after he had passed he ought to have had one of those helmets with wings at the side, then he would have looked just like a Viking. We did not speak to him. Philip called a greeting to us as he passed, making it clear that he had no time to waste on two girls with such a magnificent creature about. Rollo himself scarcely looked at us.

He was invited to the house of course and a great fuss was made of him. Cousin Agatha practically fawned on him. Nanny Grange said afterwards that you'd think he was some sort of a god and that Madam had her claws out to pick him up for Miss Esmeralda. "He'll be the heir of all those millions, I suppose," she said. "Though I reckon Master Philip will have his little picking."

When we returned to London that year I saw more of Rollo. When he was on vacation he called on us with his parents. I used to love those occasions when the carriages lined the street and pulled up outside our door. There would be red-and-white-striped awning for the guests to pass under and people used to line up to see them arrive. I loved watching from the nursery window.

They were enjoyable days. I used to wake up every morning with a delicious sense of excitement. The servants would chatter about the guests and there was a great deal of talk about the Carringtons. Sometimes Cousin Agatha and Cousin William Loring went to Park Lane to dine. We would watch them go and greatly regret that the dinner party was not at our house.

As I have said, I lived a great deal of my life belowstairs, and when possible I would secret myself at the servants' table and listen. If Esmeralda were with me they would be self-conscious; they didn't mind me so much, perhaps because my fate would one day be similar to theirs.

I heard one of them say, "That Miss Ellen, she's neither the one nor the other. I reckon when she's older she'll be sent out governessing. I'd rather be a housemaid. You do know your place then."

Such a thought alarmed me only briefly. I was sure that when the time came I would be able to take care of myself; but at the moment my lack of status gave me the glorious opportunity to hover between stairs. They talked quite freely in front of me. I quickly learned that Her and Him were Cousin Agatha and Cousin William Loring and that She was parsimonious, saw the cook's housekeeping accounts every week and relentlessly queried every item and that He was frightened of Her and daren't raise his voice against Her. She was all for social climbing. Look how she ran after those Carringtons. Shameful! And they kept a good establishment, my word they did, both in Park Lane and in Sussex, and it had come to the cook's ears that She had made Him buy that Sussex house just because the Carringtons had their place there. Always plotting, She was, to move up the ladder.

I learned through a series of subtle winks and nods (which they thought I was not smart enough to interpret) that She was determined to link the family with that of the great Carringtons and them having boys and her having a girl, the method was as easy as pie to understand.

I was amazed. They believed they were going to marry Esmeralda to Philip or to the magnificent creature I had seen on his white horse! It made me want to laugh as I debated whether to tell Esmeralda. But there was no point in scaring her completely out of her wits. She was not always in full possession of them as it was.

Life was full of interest: Upstairs in our nursery quarters, where I could spy on what Cousin Agatha was constantly reminding me were my betters, and downstairs in the kitchen, where I could drink in secret information when they all grew rather sleepy after finishing the joint or the chicken pie washed down with cook's best elderberry or dandelion wine.

I was pleased too that my origins were mysterious. I would have hated to own Cousin Agatha for a mother, as I would tell Esmeralda when I was feeling mean. Perhaps Cousin William Loring would have been a kind sort of father, but his subservience to his wife did not make me admire him.