Tessa Teevan - Incinerate

“Please tell me you’re calling to say you’re on your way over. I swear, I have nothing to wear.”

“I’m getting ready to leave, and I’m going to need to raid your closet. I hope you have something that will cover my ass since I tower over you.” I’m only four inches taller than her five-foot-four frame, but let’s face it. Lucy’s wardrobe, excluding her teaching one, leaves little to the imagination. “Do you think you can do me a favor?”

“Sure, what’s up?” she asks. I know she’s going to be surprised at my question. She knows the gist of what happened between me and Knox. Strangely, she tried to make me see his side of things, a vast difference from when she wanted me to throw all of Drew’s crap outside our place.

“Can you get Kale to make sure Knox is there tonight?” I have no idea what I’m going to do when I see him. I just know I need to do something.

“I can try. Kale mentioned he hasn’t left the house except to go to work and to the gym. Want him to mention you’ll be there?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Just tell him to do whatever it takes to get him there, okay?” I request, knowing I sound desperate, but I can’t help it.

“Okay, okay, he’ll do it. Now get your ass over here and help me find something to wear.”

After hanging up the phone, I grab my stuff and say my goodbyes to Olivia and Dad, feeling more rejuvenated than I have all week. I don’t care what Knox says. I don’t care how long I have to wait. Because I will. I’d rather be with him while he’s working out his shit than be without him, and I’m kicking myself that it took me so long to figure it out.

Charlie

“CHARLIE, JESUS, calm down. Your leg’s shaking the entire table,” Lucy complains, but I can’t help it. We’ve been at the bar for over an hour and I still haven’t seen him. The only thing that’s making me feel a little bit better is that Kale’s not here either. I’m holding out hope that they’re together. I have no idea what I’m going to say when I see him or if I’ll even be able to say anything.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. You try waking up to that face every morning and then go without it for three days. There’s no quitting Knox Wellington. And trying to do it cold turkey? It’s been pure torture.”

Lucy stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. “You are so far gone it’s not even funny.”

Grinning at her, I take a sip of my beer. “I am. And now that I’ve been without him, I’m itching for my next fix like a fiend.” I know I sound cheesy as hell, but not being with him is turning my brain into mush. I can’t think of anything but him, and if I have to go another night sleeping alone, I’m probably going to go insane.

Lucy reaches her hand across the table and stops my drumming fingers. “I’m sure he’ll be here and you two can get whatever this is figured out. Kale said he’s looked like shit this whole week, and I’m guessing he’s been dying without you just as much as you’ve been, too.”

Is it wrong that I’m inwardly happy to hear that he’s being affected by our time apart? It’s not like I’m doing a victory lap or anything, but I know I couldn’t handle hearing that he was just fine, moving on without me.

Getting up to go grab another drink, I notice that Lucy only has iced tea. “Want me to get you anything?” I ask, but she just shakes her head no.

When I get back with a beer, I scan the room, still not seeing him. Checking my watch, I see that Chris’s band isn’t set to start for another ten minutes. I relax, willing myself to believe that he’ll be here.

“Is your stomach still bothering you?” I ask Lucy as she sips her tea.

She shakes her head, not looking at me as I hear her whisper something. But it’s too low for me to hear. “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

Her head turns towards me and she shocks me with what she says next. “I’m late!” she exclaims, a little louder than I’m guessing she planned because she’s looking around the room, making sure no one heard her.

Leaning in, I narrow my eyes at her. “What do you mean you’re late?”

“I mean I’m late, Charlie.”

Breathing out, I try to wrap my brain around what she’s saying. “Just how late is late?”

Lucy looks me straight in the eyes. “Two weeks. And I’ve been sick every morning since.”

Holy Mother of Shit. “Have you taken a test?” I ask.

She shakes her head, and I lean across the table to take her hand in mine when she answers me. “No, but I’m not an idiot. I’m late, I’m freaking out my morning students by running to the bathroom every thirty minutes, and my boobs are killing me. I don’t think I need a test to tell me what’s happening.”

Knowing Lucy’s sexual history, I’d normally be horrified, but she confided in me a while ago that Kale’s the only guy she’s been with since she broke up with her latest asshole boyfriend last spring.

“Is it—?”

She nods before I can even get the words out.

Falling back in my chair, I say the only thing that comes to mind. “Damn.”

She echoes my thought. “Yeah, damn. But the thing is, Charlie, I’m scared to take the test, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. I’m afraid I’m going to take it and learn that I’m not pregnant. Because for some reason, the idea of being a mom? It’s as thrilling as it is scary.”

Again, I say, “Damn.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “I know. It’s crazy. Who would’ve thought, right?”

“Well, whatever you do, I’m here for you every step of the way. And I’ll be the best Aunt Charlie ever, got it?” She nods as I continue. “But you’re going to have to find out officially. And you’re going to have to tell him.”

“I know. I will. It wasn’t until I was looking at my calendar today that I realized I was even that late.”

“Late? Jesus, I’m thirty minutes late and you two are already complaining? Give a guy a damn break. I had to make myself look pretty for the ladies,” Kale says as he approaches the table. Lucy’s eyes widen, but I shake my head, pretty sure he didn’t hear anything but the tail end of that conversation.

I look around and my heart falls when I realize he’s alone. He heads to the bar to grab a drink, and I notice Lucy’s pale face.

“You have to tell him, Luce.”

“I will. Let’s just get through tonight, and I’ll do it tomorrow.” I furrow my brow at her, but she insists. “I swear it. I already have tests under my sink, and I figure he’ll be coming home with me. Just…let’s enjoy tonight, okay?”

Nodding, I drop it when Kale returns to the table. A few minutes later Chris’s band takes the stage, and I watch the door during the first couple of sets, but he never shows up.

An hour and a half and few pitchers of beer later, I’ve all but given up when the band leaves the stage—all except for Chris. He settles in behind the keyboard, leaning into the mic.

“We don’t usually do this, but tonight we’ve got a special guest who’s going to be joining me on the stage.”

I’ve realized that Knox isn’t coming. Dejected, I turn around and pay attention to the stage, wondering who the mystery guest is.

The stage darkens as Chris begins to play the keyboard, and I immediately recognize the song as he leads into the intro. Moments later, I can hear a voice offstage begin to sing. My heart’s racing, and the moment he steps onto the stage, strumming his guitar as he plays in unison with Chris, he takes my breath away.

Lucy grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze, but I can’t look away. I can see his eyes scouring the audience until he finally sees me, locking his eyes on mine, and I know he’s singing to me. I’m enraptured as I listen to his smooth voice as it fills my ears, but I’m also confused. This isn’t our song. It’s not us. This is a song about giving up, saying good bye. This isn’t right, and suddenly I’m terrified at what he’s trying to convey.

His eyes are penetrating my soul when he sings that I’m the one that he loves, and I lose it because I know what’s coming next. I’m not sticking around to hear him say goodbye in public. I get out of my seat and I’m almost to the door when I hear the next line. He’s changed it up, and I turn, seeing that he’s left the stage and is coming towards me. Instead of saying Can’t Say Goodbye, he’s singing new lyrics, telling me he’ll never say goodbye.

Setting his guitar down, he stops right in front of me. His hand cups my cheek, forcing me to look at him. Chris is still playing the song, and I swear, the bar is silent as they watch Knox and me. He looks down at me, and I want nothing more than to lean up and kiss him, to let him know that everything between us is okay, but there’s something in his eyes that’s telling me not to.

When he pulls me into his arms, I feel his warm breath on my neck and against my ear as he sings only loud enough for me to hear. “You’re the one that I love, and I’ll never say goodbye. So say something, but please don’t give up on me.” It doesn’t exactly flow the way the original song does, but his words fill my heart. I’m overjoyed.

“Knox, what are you saying??” I ask, needing to hear it directly from him.

As Chris continues to play the song in the background, Knox presses his forehead against mine. “These past few days have been the worst of my life. I realized that I can’t live without you, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I know you were right. I had things I needed to deal with. So I did. I let it all go, sweetheart. Nothing about my past matters when it comes to spending my future with you. And that’s what I want. My future only consists of you, and there’s nothing else for me. I’m sorry it took me so long to say. I’ve been kicking myself for days for being an idiot.”