J. Salsbury - Fighting to Forget

The ride kicks in, and she kicks her legs, releasing the most feminine squeal I’ve ever heard. “This is awesome!”

I’m entranced, watching the pure joy and excitement radiating from her expression: intoxicating, inspiring, and so fuckin’ beautiful it makes my chest hurt.

What the hell is this girl doing to me? Something shifts inside me, a slight movement that should be so obvious and yet I have no clue what the fuck. All I know is that being around Mac is like a drug. One hit was just enough to get me jonesing for more.

A lot more.

~*~

Mac

“That was amazing!” I’m jumping up and down, shaking out my hands from the adrenaline rush of hanging off the top of the Stratosphere next to Rex.

“You liked that, huh?” He’s so relaxed, as if he just rolled off a massage table rather than a high-speed extreme ride.

“Like it? I loved it!” I grab his forearm. “Let’s do it again.”

He tilts his head, flashing a crooked smile. He’s not jerking away from my touch, and if I thought he’d let me, I’d lean in and suck his bottom lip into my mouth. This is the most relaxed I’ve seen him since our encounter in Jonah’s hallway, and I don’t want him retreating on me again, so I keep my advances to myself.

“That was only a warm up.” He jerks his head toward the direction of a platform surrounded by bars and cables. “You game for bigger and better?”

I don’t know what he’s talking about, but there’s nothing I’d say no to when it comes to Rex. “I’m always game when it comes to you.”

He blinks and his grin falls a fraction, but not as if he didn’t like what I said, more like he didn’t understand it. I stay quiet, allowing him a moment to process my words.

The urge to unload my secret wiggles its way to my forebrain. He needs to know who I am, and there’s a part of me that wants to tell him, hoping it’ll help me to move on from the guilt and shame I’ve been lugging around my entire life. All those years I thought he was dead, knowing that it was my fault for being so stupid. I was so damn young and naive. If I’d just done what I’d promised and gotten him out of there, then there’d be no secrets to hide, no shame to drag along. Being with him like this makes me want to unload all that heavy weight, throw it out there and revel in the freedom of unburdening. Fear, straight-up belly cramping, sweat-inducing fear has me biting down against the truth.

I told myself that I’d confess and beg for his forgiveness if I ever got the chance. And this is my chance. But what would my confession do to this? To us?

“Right, well . . .” His voice’s low and gravelly, like it is when he’s on stage. He dips his face close to mine. “Let’s see you back up that sweet mouth with a little action.”

Sweet mouth. My stomach quivers, and I press my knees together at the effect his words have over my body. He snags my hand and leads me back inside. After a short exchange with some of the staff who clearly know Rex well, we’re putting on jumpsuits and getting strapped into harnesses.

“I’m not bungee jumping off the top of the Stratosphere, am I?” Being on a thrill ride is one thing, but strapped to a cord and jumping from a building might be pushing my limits a little too far.

He’s in his gray jumpsuit and harness but still looks smokin’ hot and manly as hell. “Nope, no bungee.” He tugs on a few of my straps, making sure I’m secure, and the simple act warms my chest. “Just jumping.”

“Jumping.”

He nods.

“Off of the Stratosphere.”

He nods again.

“Landing?”

His deep blue eyes meet mine. “On the ground.”

“Oh God.” I tug at the straps that now feel suffocating. “Oh God, oh God, oh God.”

He hooks his fingers beneath my chin and pulls my eyes to his. “You’re gonna love it. Didn’t you ever dream about flying when you were a kid?”

My breath catches in my throat. As a kid, the only thing I ever dreamed of was Rex. “I guess.”

His eyes dance around my face, and I can’t help but feel as if he’s reading my thoughts. “The rush you’re about to experience—falling at forty miles per hour—it feels like flying.” The last word is spoken with such fascination I have to wonder if he dreamed of flying when he was a kid, escaping into the great expanse of the sky where no one can touch him, hold him against his will, keep him locked away.

“Whoa, hey, if you’re not ready for this, we don’t have to do it.” The tenderness in his voice combined with the way his eyebrows are dropped low tells me he’s actually reading my expression and confusing my thoughts for fear.

I sniff back my emotion and smile. “No, I’m good. Promise.”

He studies my face, not looking convinced. I smile bigger to alleviate his worry.

It must do the job because his expression relaxes and he smiles back. “I’ll go first, and when you jump, I’ll be there waiting. Don’t worry; I’ll catch you.” The way he whispered those last words as if he were sharing a deep secret to the meaning of life, settles my nerves. “You ready?”

I nod for fear that speaking may give away the emotion I’m feeling.

We walk out together, hand in hand, to the jump platform. He doesn’t look at me, only releases my hand and follows instructions. They hook a large cable on to the back of Rex’s harness and motion for him to the edge. He turns to look at me from over his shoulder and mouths, “See you at the bottom.” Then he’s gone.

On instinct, I rush forward, hands outstretched to snatch him back to solid ground.

The attendant pulls me back by my harness. “Whoa! Not yet. Wait ’til he’s on the ground.”

Seconds pass before I hear the static voice over the attendant’s walkie-talkie, saying that Rex is safely on the ground.

“All right, you’re up.”

I walk to the edge so that the toes of my boots are hanging off of a 1,000-foot drop. Every ounce of fear dissolves. Not a single wave of nerves or flutter of a butterfly. My mind is zeroed in one thing, getting to Rex.

And knowing he’ll catch me.

With the final okay from the attendant, I close my eyes. I open my arms wide and tilt my face toward the warm desert sun. With a deep breath, I bend my knees and push off. Swan diving forward, I free fall into nothing. My stomach rockets into my chest, igniting a furious rush of adrenaline. Madness unfurls within my body, but outside is quiet save for the rushing wind as it whips through my hair. Dropping, dropping, dropping in a peaceful descent.

He was right. It’s like flying.

I’m tugged down to the earth by gravity and the pull on my heart toward the one person who’s ever owned it. The tension on the cord slows my descent, but before I can open my eyes to see how close I am to the ground, I hit solid muscle, and two arms wrap tightly around my body.

I absorb the shock of his strength, and my arms lock around his shoulders as tight as they can. My hold on him is equal to his on me, and I vow right then that I’ll never let him be taken away from me again.

“You caught me,” I say, out of breath from the rush and the feelings that are strangling me.

“I told you I would.” His lips are so close I feel his lip ring against the shell of my ear.

The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them back along with a rush of emotion that’s threatening to burst the floodgates.

I love you, Rex.

Mac

It’s a quiet ride back to Jonah’s house after our date at the Stratosphere, but the silence between us isn’t awkward. I can’t speak for what’s got his lips on lockdown, but for me it’s my all-consuming thoughts of having his arms around me and his breath at my ear, reminding me that he kept to his word and caught me, that with him, I’m safe.

We walked into that casino divided and walked out joined, brought together by a shared experience and so much more. At least, that’s how it feels on my end. And his lack of chit-chat leads me to believe it may be the same on his.

I gaze into the side mirror and watch the Stratosphere slowly fade into the distance. The sun setting behind the mountains bathes everything in purple and orange, the color of contentment.

He let me in. It may not seem like much, but his taking me there was important. I knew from the way those who knew him looked surprised to see me that he opened part of himself to me. And that, for a guy like Rex, is not insignificant.

His truck turns down the long expanse of the Slade’s driveway and stops at my bike, which is parked where I left it. He parks but leaves the engine running. It’s over. Time to go home.

With a deep breath, I turn toward him and almost gasp.

He’s gripping the steering wheel, eyes fixed on me with predatory intensity. But, he’s smiling. “I’m not ready to go home.”

I shrug a shoulder and fight the urge to smile. “Then don’t.”

“Where should I go?”

“Come over to my place.” Rex in my house? Dammit, did I leave my dirty clothes on the floor? That’s all I need is to invite him into my room only to see my dirty panties.

His eyebrows drop low. “Tubby there?”

“Shouldn’t be. Last I heard he was gone on MC business.” Probably killing people. “We could hang out by the pool.”

“You have a pool?”

The boyish excitement in his question has me grinning. “Yeah.”

“I’ll follow you.” He throws the truck into drive, and I catch myself from leaning across to give him a kiss on the cheek.