Marion Croslydon - Fast Forward

Curtis stepped in. “Mrs. Roberts, we ask you to disregard this meeting altogether. We don’t think any of the pseudo-facts brought up by Ms. Meyer and the Lorettis constitute a reason to re-consider Lucas’s adoption by Cassandra and Joshua.”

Trisha sighed. “I find the Lorettis’ approach under-handed, but I need to take a step back here.” I looked at her and I couldn’t keep the tears from welling up in the corner of my eyes. “In all good conscience, I’ll have to disclose these new facts to the judge.” Next, she addressed Curtis. “As birth parents, they could have applied for a joint custody. There have been several similar cases.”

Vince Loretti cleared his throat and we all looked at him. He’d turned awkward and kept shrugging his shoulders. When he talked, he didn’t sound like the moron he’d been to us so far. “Listen, we don’t want to cut off Lucas from you guys. We’re good, normal people and we’ve been married for fifteen years now. The boy likes you and my wife and I, um, we want to make him happy, so you could keep seeing him like you did before with his parents or Mrs. Sorenson.”

I wasn’t going to take any more of this shit and I jumped to my feet. At last Loretti shut up and even Andrea stopped ignoring me. My mouth opened but stopped the words from coming out. Next to me, Josh shifted on his seat and reached for my hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze. “I can’t—I can’t listen…” I stammered.

I rushed out of the meeting room, down the corridor and burst into the entrance hall. The receptionist threw me a worried look. I asked for the restroom and followed her directions. Even when I was inside, I couldn’t keep still and paced the room. There was a chaotic mix of voices inside my head, with that Meyer woman topping the chart. Denim skirt. Involved with this musician for the last six months. Divorce. Open adoption.

Open adoption. Open adoption. Again and again. I shook my arms along my body like I’d seen Shawn do before getting on stage. It didn’t work for me. My heartbeat was still out of control and my breathing was sketchy. I froze when I saw myself in the mirror above the sink. The person who stared back at me reminded me of Andrea with her about-to-crumble look.

I let out a heavy breath that came from months of uncertainty. When I took my next breath, I finally picked up the smell of detergent in the room and grimaced. My shoulders drooped and I walked slowly towards the wall. I lifted my forearm and rested my head against it. I wanted to glue my inner-self back together but I had no idea where to start. Inside I was like one of Lucas’s puzzle boxes: Filled to the brim with jagged pieces that should have formed a coherent picture, but didn’t.

I heard the door open and close behind me. I bit my lower-lip because I wasn’t going to engage with anyone, staff or client of Curtis, Curtis and Brown, LLP.

Josh

“Sorry it took me so long. I wanted to have a one-on-one with Trisha,” I said.

Cassie had her face hidden in her arms, facing the wall as if she’d just been punished.

“Not that it made any difference,” I sighed. “She wasn’t really up for an open-hearted conversation. All I managed to get from her was a promise she’d call Curtis sometime next week.”

Put like that, it didn’t sound promising at all. The water dripping into the faucet filled the silence until Cassie swiveled round and asked, “What are we going to do?”

“Maybe we should head back to D.C. I could change our flights and we might be able to get back later tonight or tomorrow morning.”

Her mouth popped open. “You’re giving up.”

“No. But we won’t have any more access to Lucas until the judge makes a decision. The Lorettis have been told the same thing.”

“They live next door to him and you want us to wait thousands of miles away?”

“That’s where our life is, Cass. My job, our home.”

“My home is where Lucas is.”

“If we sit here, we’re just going to get more and more upset. In D.C. we could keep busy. I do have a job after all…”

“Sorry” Her voice had turned into a high-pitched wail. I noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes. Had they been there this morning? “You are my home too but things are spinning out of control and I’m in full panic mode. We can’t just go and wait for Trisha and the judge to make up their minds.”

She’d delivered all that in one breath with her hands clasped at her chest. I let out a heavy breath and stepped backwards to lean against the wall. I covered my face with my hands then slid them through my hair while lowering my shoulders. I’d never felt like this. Never. Not even when she’d lied to me and told me she’d gotten rid of our baby. Not when she’d told me she was leaving me.

Defeat crashed over me so hard I could have fallen on my knees. “What do you want me to do, Cass? Dig up some dirt on the Lorettis? Do the same thing to them that they’re doing to us?”

A single tear tracked down her cheek. It was only one tear but it burnt my skin as if I was the one crying.

“You’re giving up,” she repeated. “We’re giving up.”

Her words killed something inside me and I felt the dead-weight deep in my soul. It really was like dying, with snapshots of my life flashing in front of me and Cassie in every one of them. Our chatter and laughter on the school bus. Our wild playing in the summer rain. Our clambering up the cotton tree at Sweet Angel Point. The softness of her profile etched against the Kansas prairie skyline.

Our first kiss.

Homecoming night.

“It was never meant to be.” The flatness of her voice dragged me out of the movie of my life. She gave a tiny shake of the head as her gaze was lost somewhere behind me.

Not meant to be? Adopting Lucas? Us?

“No. Everything about us was meant to be. Everything. The beautiful along with the ugly, and it’s all our doing.”

I wasn’t a seventeen-year-old boy anymore. I wouldn’t let our future slip through my fingers. I had a family to protect and take care of. A wife. A son. To hell with it, I wasn’t going to let anyone take them away from me.

And I’d be damned if I was going to give up on them in the restroom of an office somewhere in downtown Kansas City.

In one movement, I seized Cassie’s hand and darted out of the restroom. We rocketed out of Curtis, Curtis and Brown, LLP. I didn’t say a word all the way down the elevator. Cassie stood next to me. She placed her hand in mine and I felt the side glance she sent in my direction. Cassie didn’t do well with long stretches of silence, so I knew it must cost her not to say or ask anything right now. Once outside, we rushed to the underground parking lot because the temperature had dropped. We zigzagged between the rows of cars and made it back to our rental.

I led Cassie to the side of the driver’s seat and fished the keys out of my jean pocket. I handled them to her. Her only reaction was a frown.

So I took her hand, turned it palm up and placed the keys inside.

“You want me to drive?” She shrugged. “You’ve never trusted my driving.”

“I trusted your Chevy even less. That truck was a death machine. Still is, unfortunately.” The memory of teaching Cassie how to drive in that thing made my lips curl upward. “What I want you to do is go back to the motel, pack your stuff and make the two-hour drive to Steep Hill as safely as possible… despite your regrettable lack of driving skill.”

“Steep Hill? Without you?” She cocked her head sideways. “Why?”

This bit was going to take some explaining. “I need you to do as I say. For once, don’t question me, just… trust me.”

“Trust you to do what?”

“Trust me to do what needs to be done.” I focused all my strength into the next words. “Trust me to be your partner… your man.”

“But I know you’re my ma—”

I silenced her with a kiss, my palms cupping the back of her head, my fingers brushed through her hair. I wasn’t trying to be skillful with the kiss. It wasn’t meant to tease or turn her on. It was meant to… end the conversation. I parted from her and it felt like I’d stolen her breath away because she swayed.

“Rely on me, please,” I asked.

She nodded then took a step backwards. The sudden void between us made me want to reach for her again. She opened the door and got into the car. Next minute the engine was roaring and she directed the car out of the parking place. I sighed with relief: She hadn’t hit a car with the wild manoeuver. Cassie rolled down the car window and I bent forward to level my eyes with hers.

Her cheeks had a pink hue and her fingers a tight grip on the steering wheel. “I want you to know, I—you are…” she stammered. I saw the glimmer of tears at the edge of her eyes and I placed my hand on the window frame. Her own hand came to rest on top of mine and I kissed her knuckles.

The smile she gave me was at once feeble and strong. It flew inside me and I smiled back at her.

“I believe in you, Joshua MacBride. I have faith in you and I rely on you. You’re my hero. I should have told you that a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Stop right there, Cass. You’re taking cheesiness to a whole new level.”

“Maybe I watched too many of Gran’s rom-coms after all.” Her voice broke. “I just want you to know that I’ll be waiting for you. Whatever you’re about to do, however it turns out, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Cassie took back ownership of her hand and in a matter of seconds the car had entered the bend leading back up to street level.