I wanted to hate him.

I wanted to despise him.

He hurt me.

He used me.

Again and again.

But ultimately, I understood him.

I forgave him.

But I would never be able to save him.

* * *

Three life changing events came in quick succession.

The first happened when Clue charged through the doors of Obsidian’s fighting floor and almost knocked me on my ass. I’d been on my way out—about to leave Fox’s world forever—when she burst in out of nowhere.

I whirled backward, only to be caught by Corkscrew as he appeared right behind her.

One look from her tear-swimming eyes—I knew.

Something had happened to Clara.

“Is she okay? Tell me!” Panic lashed in my blood, flaying me alive. “Tell me, Clue! Now!” Nightmarish scenarios crushed my brain.

Clara dead.

Clara in a coma.

Clara gone forever.

My eyes grew wider; heart pounded harder. “She’s de—dead?”

Corkscrew’s fingers dug into my elbow, keeping me steady as Clue captured my cheeks and shook her head. Her almond eyes were red from crying, but she seemed calm. “No! She’s fine.”

She’s fine. Thank fucking God.

Panic gave way to undiluted anger.

“You gave me a fucking panic attack to come and tell me she’s fine?” I shrugged Corkscrew off, clutching my rapidly thudding heart. “I don’t understand.”

Clue shot a look at her backup support. Ben was the one who swallowed and said, “She collapsed at school.” His voice was soft and smooth, keeping me calm even as my body felt as if it exploded with shrapnel. “She suffered a seizure for three minutes. The school called an ambulance who took her to the ER.”

My brain swam. My worst nightmares were coming true. Too soon. It’s too soon!

Her coughing fit the other night and now this? Her symptoms had increased rapidly.

I’d have to ask Fox for the money now. I’d have to come up with a story that warranted him parting with another one hundred thousand dollars.

Clue stroked my shoulders, her warmth and support doing wonders for my scattered thoughts. “She’s alright. The doctors don’t know what caused it—”

I snarled. “Of course they know what caused it. Fucking idiots for not catching it sooner.” I clutched my chest as a huge ball of agony lodged in my heart. “They didn’t catch it, Clue. Because of their mistake, they sentenced my daughter to death.”

I’d always held such tight rein on my grief, but in that second I wanted to explode. I wanted to tear through the globe like an angry typhoon and wreck as much destruction as possible.

I wanted to destroy the doctors who ruined my life and my baby’s.

I didn’t want to put up with anything anymore. Fox had hurt me. Life had slapped me in the face. My past had almost ruined me. I just wanted out.

I’m not strong enough!

A massive sob bubbled in my chest and I bent over, sucking in gulping breaths.

If you start crying now, you’ll never stop.

“It’s okay, Zelly. It’s going to be okay.” Clue stroked my back, murmuring, “It’s a bitch of a situation, but she’s alright. Honestly to look at her you’d think she faked it just to get out of school. You don’t have to worry.”

I threw my hands up. “I don’t have to worry?” Tears shot up my spine in a tingling wake. “How can you say that? Every night I lie in bed, counting her breaths, making sure she’s still with me. One day, there will be no more breaths, Clue! Then what? What the hell do I do with my life?”

The regret and hatred for myself crashed like a tidal wave. Where had I been while Clue picked up my daughter from the ER? Instead of soothing my child, I was being fucked by a man who I had no hope of saving.

Your priorities are all screwed up.

I hate myself.

I’ll never forgive myself.

Everything that happened with Fox seemed trivial. So what if he hurt me? So what if I had some saviour complex? So what if it was my fault he’d snapped?

I’d pushed him too far, and I could only blame myself for the consequences. He hadn’t meant to hurt me—beneath the scariness, he was just a man looking for a way out—same as me.

His issues were vampiric, sucking my soul and energy dry until I was empty and shrivelled and on the very ledge of my wit’s end.

I had nothing left to give, but I had to keep going. I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting or indulging in tears.

Clara was the one who needed me.

She was all that mattered.

A whimper escaped, and Corkscrew gathered me into his large midnight arms. His body heat helped burn some of my unhelpful thoughts, granting me a moment of lucidity.

He and Clue barely knew each other, but he’d become a huge part of both our lives. Every night I’d return home, and he would be there. A fabulous cook, considerate houseguest, and completely besotted with Clue.

His deep voice vibrated in his chest. “It’s okay. We’re here for you if and when that happens. For now…Clue. Tell her.”

I went from slouched to stressed again in a second. “Tell me what?”

Clue took a step back. “After the ER, we headed home, but Clara threw a huge tantrum and made us come to you. She refuses to go home without you. I’d never seen her so upset or stubborn. She was a little spitfire.”

My ears rang, clanging with loud, terrifying bells. Please don’t say it—

Ben cleared his throat. “I know it’s not the best idea to bring a kid to an illegal fight club, but…well, she’s here.”

“What?” I screeched, attracting the attention of two burly men warming up in the boxing ring.

They brought my dying daughter to a monster’s house!

“She’s in the car waiting for you. Corkscrew came with me to get into the club. I figured we could all go home together.” Clue stroked my arm, trying to calm me. “It’s okay, Zelly. We’ll have a quiet night—just the three of us—like old times.”

I didn’t listen to a word she said. “You left my daughter in the car in front of an illegal club. How stupid can you be?”

My body was consumed with the thought of Clara being so close to the devil inside Fox. Two parts of my life I wanted to keep separate. Two parts that should never ever mix.

“It was the only way. We couldn’t exactly bring her in here,” Clue said.

No amount of hands could restrain me. I charged.

Slamming open the large, metal doors, I winged my way down the corridor toward the exit.

Please don’t let him be anywhere near her. I balled my hands, praying Fox was still in his bathroom, doing God knows what to bring himself back under control.

I couldn’t stomach the thought of him being around such a precious, breakable thing.

If he so much as looks at her.

Rage, hot and brewing, geysered in my blood. Every single motherly instinct vibrated on overdrive.

The second life changing thing happened when I threw open the front door.

My heart bucked as I charged from inside to out and skidded to a halt.

Oh, my God.

No. Please let it be a hallucination.

It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.

Clue swerved to a stop beside me just before Ben hurtled to a standstill next to her. “What the hell?” Clue muttered. “Care to tell me what the—”

I swallowed a scream, and I charged like a hundred cavalry. My arms were muskets. My legs were cannons. My voice was trumpets warning the enemy they were about to die. “Get away from her!”

Fox looked up, white eyes wide as I skidded to a stop. He didn’t move an inch as I bared my teeth like a feral cat and yanked Clara away from him.

Their hands snapped loose and Clara tripped, stumbling against my body. “Ow!”

I’d never felt so sick, so violent, so absolutely ready to draw blood. Panting, I shoved her behind my legs, barricading her tiny frame with mine. I faced the man I thought I could care for, the man I secretly wished I could love, and released all my animosity and capsized emotions.

“Don’t you dare touch her! What were you thinking? Just because you weren’t able to hurt me you thought you’d hurt my daughter? Shame on you!”

Fox flinched as if I’d slapped him, bowing his head.

Clara squirmed, breaking my hold to position herself in front of me. My eyes flew between her and Fox, counting the feet between them—assessing the risk if he were to tackle her to the ground.

Her bright, expressive eyes met mine. Fear and confusion painted her cheeks. “What are you doing, mummy? He wasn’t hurting me! We’re friends. We shook hands as that’s what new friends do. Remember? You taught me.” Her little foot stomped in the gravel. “He didn’t do anything wrong. Leave him alone!”

Her temper was alive and well. In a moment, I assessed her skin colour, her ease of breathing—searching for any sign she was closer to death than she was to life. But she practically glowed, looking rosy cheeked and fierce.

She’d never been a normal child. So bold and into everything; endless questions and no fear when it came to talking to everyone.

I looked over her head at Fox. He hadn’t moved. No matter how many times I blinked, I couldn’t remove the image of Clara’s tiny hand swallowed up by Fox’s large one. The same hand that’d strangled me and held me firm while he fucked me ruthlessly. The same hand that’d been scarred countless times doing things even he couldn’t live with.

Ignoring Clara, I hissed, “Fox. You heard me. Don’t you go near her again. This wasn’t part of the deal.”