Maya Banks - Colters’ Daughter

She needed this face-to-face with Max. She needed closure. Seeing him hurt. A lot. A damn lot. But with the way they’d parted, seeing him again was the only way she was going to truly get over him.

Feeling marginally better, she steeled herself, took a deep breath and strode from her truck to Max’s room and knocked crisply on the door.

She had but a moment to wait. Max opened the door and stood holding the edge, his gaze stroking up and down her body like he was memorizing her—or reacquainting himself with her.

Some of her courage died when she realized the close quarters they would be conducting their conversation in.

“Come in,” he said quietly.

She shook her head and his eyebrow went up in surprise. No, he wasn’t used to her saying no. When had she refused him anything?

The ache was back in her throat and she swallowed desperately against it.

“I think we should go somewhere public.”

“You want what we have to say aired in front of others?”

“We can be in public and still have a private place,” she said with a frown.

His hand tightened on the wood of the door and he cursed under his breath. “Do you think I’d hurt you? Do you honest to God think I’d ever hurt you?”

She shrugged. “You’ve already hurt me.”

His breath hissed through his lips, and she saw some of his composure slip as fury brewed in his eyes. “Physically, Callie. Physically.”

She wouldn’t lie. “No. I don’t think you’d hurt me. That’s not what this is about. I just don’t think a hotel room is the best place for us to talk about anything.”

His eyes narrowed and then gleamed with quick understanding. “It isn’t me you’re afraid of, is it? It’s yourself.”

“Leave me my pride, at least,” she whispered. “When have I ever been able to resist you? You know it. I know it. There’s no reason for you to be so smug about it.”

“Goddamn it,” he swore. He swung the door open and gestured inside. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. You have my word on that. It’s your pride I’m trying to salvage by having this conversation in private. I don’t really give a damn if people know how I feel about you. But I’d never humiliate you by airing our business in public.”

Feeling chastened, she stepped inside his room and edged over toward the one chair by the desk. She didn’t want to be anywhere near his bed. It was unmade and the indention from where he’d slept was still outlined in the mattress and on the pillow. She’d bet anything his scent still lingered.

He sat on the edge and faced her, his eyes still glittering. For a long moment he simply stared at her. Then shadows crept over his face. “I’ve missed you.”

She flinched and turned her face away, determined not to break down in front of him.

“Look at me, Callie.”

The soft command in his voice was her undoing. It brought back too many nights where he’d commanded her over and over. She turned back to see answering grief in his eyes and it left her feeling unsettled.

“I need to explain why I left you in Greece.”

She sucked in her breath and waited silently. It didn’t really matter why he left. What mattered was why he’d never come back. Why he hadn’t called. Why he’d done nothing to make her think any differently than he’d dumped her flat.

“My mother had been ill for quite some time. Even though she was ill, none of us expected her to have such a dramatic turn for the worse. She should have had years yet. She didn’t.”

Callie remained silent, unsure of what she was supposed to say. So she said nothing at all.

“My sister tracked me down in Greece. It was the first time I’ve ever purposely been out of contact with my family, or my business for that matter. I wanted nothing to intrude on my time with you.

“She told me I needed to come home…to say goodbye. My mother was dying and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I went home and held my sister while our mother slipped away from us.”

“I’m sorry,” Callie said, not knowing what else to offer.

“I know I hurt you, Callie,” he said quietly, pain echoing in his voice.

She curled her fingers into tight fists. “You couldn’t tell me any of this then? What was so wrong with telling me why you had to go home? Did you think I wouldn’t understand?”

He shook his head. “No, I never thought something so badly of you. I knew if I told you that you’d want to come with me.”

His answer shocked her into silence and she stared at him as hurt crashed through her all over again.

“Damn it, Callie, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what? Like it sounded like you had no desire for me to meet your family? What was wrong, Max? It’s okay to fuck me all over Europe but heaven forbid your family is exposed to me?”

His eyes warned her she was going too far, but she continued on recklessly, her anguish blinding her to all else.

“I loved you, Max. I thought you loved me. Of course I would have wanted to go back with you. I would have wanted to be with you, to support you during such a horrible time. That’s what love is all about.”

She shuddered violently and clutched her arms over her chest as she hugged herself against so much hurt.

“I waited,” she said painfully. “I waited for a month. I wouldn’t go anywhere because I was afraid you’d come back and I’d be gone. I wouldn’t let myself believe that you’d dumped me after all we shared. After I trusted you.”

Max rubbed a hand over his face and closed his eyes.

“I finally had no choice but to leave because I was out of money. You never called. You knew where I was and you never even so much as called to say what happened. To tell me you weren’t coming.”

“I was wrong,” he said softly. “I was grief-stricken. My sister was inconsolable. We’re the only family each other has. It took time to see to my mother’s affairs. There were matters to settle. I had to ensure my sister’s well-being. I knew I would never let you go. I knew that once I was able, I’d track you down no matter how long it took.”

“Well, here I am,” she said, spreading her arms, her hands palms-up. “As you can see, I’m fine. Your duty is done. You can leave now.”

“You’re not fine. Any fool can see that. You’ve lost weight. You have bruises under your eyes.”

She shrugged. “I’ve moved on. I appreciate you coming all this way to let me know you didn’t really mean to dump me and that you never gave me a thought during your haze of grief.”

“That was cruel even given the circumstances,” he bit out.

She raised her gaze to his and did nothing to shield her emotions from him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t see inside her. He’d always been able to see to the very heart of her.

“Cruel? If you loved me, Max, you would have at least sent a goddamn message. Five seconds. You can’t tell me you couldn’t tear yourself away from your sister and your mother’s affairs for five seconds! I would have understood. I would have waited, no matter how long it took.”

“I didn’t want you to wait. I needed time to think!”

“Ah, now we get to the truth,” she said scornfully. “You had cold feet. You jumped. I jumped. And it was too fast and you got scared.”

His eyes blazed and anger rolled from him in waves. “You don’t have the market cornered on hurt, Callie. Yes, goddamn it. We moved way too fast. We burned each other up. I’ve never had a relationship that was as volatile and as passionate as ours. I worried I pushed you too hard, too far, too fast. You’re young. I’m older than you. I needed time to sort a hell of a lot out, including us.”

“Then you should have had the decency to at least tell me that over the phone,” she said softly. “Because from where I stand, you took the coward’s way out.”

“Look at me and tell me you were certain about us. Tell me you had no doubts and that you were prepared to submit to me for the long-term.”

She met his gaze and calm descended. She no longer shook. In a clear, steady voice, she said, “I had no doubts. I would have come back with you. I would have stayed. I would have done anything you wanted.”

His eyes clouded and his hands curled and uncurled. He dragged a hand through his dark hair and she noted that his fingers shook. His reaction surprised her. He was always so cool and in control. He was a deeply passionate man, but not much shook him except the two of them when they came together. They were explosive, and yes, as he’d said, volatile.

“I made a mistake, Callie. But I’ll be goddamned if both of us suffer the rest of our lives for it. I don’t give a damn that you think you’re over me or that you’re moving on. I’m not over you and I’m damn sure not moving on.”

He stared straight into her eyes, his face lined with ruthless determination. “Get used to seeing me, Callie. Because I’m not going anywhere until matters are settled between us. To my satisfaction. And to my satisfaction means you back in my bed where you damn well belong.”

“You honest to God think I’m going to fall back into bed with you just because you arrive with some legitimate excuse for breaking my heart? Yeah, it sounds ridiculous and cheesy. But the truth is you destroyed something inside me, Max. I’m not sure you’re the one to fix it.”

He pressed in close and grasped her shoulders in his strong hands. “I’m the only damn one who can fix it, Callie. Me. No one else. You gave yourself to me. Well, I’m not letting you take yourself back. You’re mine. I won’t let you go. I can’t let you go.”

She stared helplessly at him, unsure of what she was supposed to do or say. She was still angry. She wasn’t ready to let go of that anger, because the alternative was more grief.