Jess smiled. “I know that. It sure didn't help me much while we were leaving New York. Mom had Peter, you had Mark. And I had shit.” She grinned. It didn't seem so awful now. She liked their school, and she had met a nice boy a month or so before. For the first time in her life, she had met someone she really cared about. He was twenty-one, and she had a feeling that her mom was going to have a fit, especially after what had happened with Val and Mark. But she knew that this was going to be someone special to her, and she sat staring into space with a distant smile.

“What are you grinning about?” Val had been watching her. “And you sit there with a happy smile. What's up?”

“Nothing much.”

But instantly Val knew. Jess may have gotten the better grades, but Val knew men. She zeroed in on her sister with narrowed eyes. “Are you in love?”

Jess looked at her with a smile. She hadn't want to tell her yet. “Not yet. But I met someone nice.”

“You?” Val looked stunned, and Jessie nodded, unwilling to say more. But Val didn't look impressed. “Just watch out.” They both knew what she meant, and Val had been right. She'd learned one of the toughest lessons of life, and she wouldn't forget.

Mrs. Hahn served them dinner silently that night, and Peter didn't get home till nine o'clock. Matthew was already in bed, tucked in by Jess, Pam, and Val, and Peter went upstairs to check on them. “Everyone all right?” They were a quiet group, but everyone nodded as he went from room to room. He had had a rough day but there was no one to tell, he stopped in the twins' room and stared at Jess. “Any word from your mom?” She only shook her head and he went back downstairs, just as Mel drove up San Francisco's California Street on Nob Hill, and checked into the Stanford Court Hotel. It was a refreshing change from the motels she'd been staying at, and the room was all done in gray velvets and silks and moiré, and she collapsed on the bed with a tired groan. She felt as though she had been driving for days and days and days, and she reminded herself to slow down a bit. She hadn't made her mind up yet, and she didn't want to lose the baby before she did. She had a responsibility to it, if it was going to live. She lay awake thinking about it that night, about how angry Val had been, Jess's fury over just how many changes she expected them to make … Pam's hostility and ploys for attention for herself, even poor little Matt's hurt, and Peter's expectation that she would have the baby in spite of it all, as an antidote to his constant bouts with death in the operating room. It all seemed terribly unfair. She had to have it, or not have it, for all of them. Once again, the issue was them and not herself.

She walked through Chinatown the next day, and then drove to Golden Gate Park, and wandered through the flowers. It was almost May … May … she had met Peter almost a year before, and now here she was, and when she got back to the hotel, she took her little phone book out of her bag, dialed 8 for long distance, and called Raquel. It was eight o'clock in New York and they hadn't heard from her in months, Mel didn't even know if she had a job. Or she could have been out, but she picked the phone up on the first ring.

“Hello?” She sounded as suspicious as she always did and on her end Mel grinned.

“Hi, Raquel, it's me.” It was like calling home from far away in the old days, and she had to remind herself not to ask how the twins were. “How are you?”

“Mrs. Mel?”

“Of course.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I just thought I'd call and see how you were.”

“I'm fine.” She sounded pleased. “How are the girls?”

“They're wonderful.” She wouldn't tell her about Val. She was all right now. “They like their school, everything seems to be working out.” But as she said it, her voice trembled and tears filled her eyes.

“Something's wrong!” It was an accusation this time, and Mel felt tears rise in her throat.

“Absolutely not. I was in San Francisco for a few days and I got lonely for you.”

“What are you doing there? You still working too hard?”

“No, it's not as bad. I only have to do the six o'clock.” She didn't tell her what an agony the job had been. “And I'm just here to take it easy for a few days.”

“Why? You sick?” She had always been to the point and Mel smiled. What was the point of fooling her?

“To tell you the truth, you old witch, I ran away.”

“From who?” She sounded shocked.

“Everyone. Peter, the kids, my job, myself.”

“What's happening to you?” It was obvious that she disapproved.

“I don't know. I guess I just needed some time to think.”

“About what?” She sounded angry at Mel now. “You always think too much. You don't need to think.” And then, “Is your husband there?”

“No, I'm here alone.” She could just see Raquel's face, and she wondered why she had called, but she had wanted to hear a familiar voice and she didn't want to call home.

“You go home right now!”

“I will in a few days.”

“I mean now. What's wrong with you? You going crazy out there?”

“A little bit.” She didn't want to tell her about the baby yet. She still needed time to make a decision about that. And there was no point telling anyone if she was going to get rid of it. In L.A., she could always say that she lost it because she worked too hard, and no one knew at work yet.” I just wanted to know if you were all right.”

“I'm fine. Now you go home.”

“I will. Don't worry about me, Raquel. I send you a big kiss.”

“Don't kiss me, go home and kiss him. Tell him you're sorry you ran away.”

“I will. And write to me sometime.”

“Okay, okay. And give my love to the twins.”

“I will.” They hung up then and Mel lay on the bed for a long time. Raquel didn't understand any better than they did. In her mind, Mel belonged at home, no matter what they said or did. It was her place. And the truth was that she thought so too.

She ordered room service that night, had a hot bath, and watched a couple of hours of TV. She didn't feel like going out. There was nowhere she wanted to go, and at eleven o'clock, before the news came on, she dialed, got a long-distance line, and held the phone in her hand for a long time. Maybe Raquel was right … but she didn't want to call unless she wanted to … She dialed the number, not sure yet if she'd hang up or speak to him, but when she heard his voice, her heart leapt as it had almost a year before.

“Hello?” She could tell that he hadn't been asleep yet. And she hesitated for one beat.

“Hi.” It was a cautious sound.

“Mel?”

“No. Chicken Delight. Yeah, it's me.”

“For God's sake, are you all right? I've been worried sick.”

“I'm okay.”

He didn't dare to ask, but he had to now. “The baby? Did you … did you get rid of it?”

She sounded hurt.” I told you I wouldn't do that until I told you what I'd decided to do.”

“And did you decide?”

“Not yet. I haven't really given it a lot of thought.”

“Then what the hell have been you thinking about?”

“Us.”

There was a long pause. “Oh.” And then, “S o have I. I've been a real sonofabitch, Mel. The kids think so too.”

“No, they don't.” She smiled. He had been breast-beating while she was gone, and that really wasn't the point. “That's silly, Peter. We both had a lot of adjustments to make.”

“Yeah, and I let you make them all.”

“That's not entirely true.” But it was in part, and he knew it now. She didn't totally want to take the truth from him. “One of us had to move, ourselves, our kids, had to give up our old lives. And it was impossible for you. It was my choice.”

“And I let it go at that. I let everything fall on you. I even expected you to step into Anne's shoes. It makes me sick when I think about it now.”

She sighed. He wasn't entirely wrong, but there was more to it than that, and she knew that now. “And in a way, I think I expected to continue my old independent life, to make all my decisions for myself without consulting you, bring up my kids the way I want, and coincidentally yours too. I expected you and your children to throw out all your old ways at once because I told you to. And that wasn't right.”

“It wasn't wrong.” He sounded desperately contrite and she was touched.

“Maybe we were both half right and half wrong.” She smiled.

He wasn't smiling yet. She wasn't home. And he still didn't know where she was. “Where does that leave us now?”

“A little wiser than we were.”

He wasn't sure what she meant. “And you, Mel? Are you going back to New York?” He heard her gasp.

“Are you crazy?” And then, “Are you throwing me out?”

This time he laughed. “I don't know if you remember this, but last time I looked you ran away. In fact, I don't even know where you are.”

She smiled at that. She had forgotten to tell him when she first called. “I'm in San Francisco.”

“How did you get there?” He seemed surprised.

“I drove.”

“That's too far, Mel.” He was thinking of the pregnancy, but he didn't want to tell her that.

“I stopped in Santa Barbara and Carmel on the way up.”

“Do you feel all right?”

“I'm fine.” And then she smiled as she lay on her bed at the Stanford Court. “I miss you a lot.”

“Well, that's nice to hear.” And then he finally dared to ask. “When are you coming home?”

“Why?” She sounded suspicious again and he groaned.

“Because I want you to clean the place and mow the lawn, you horse's ass. Why do you think? Because I miss you too.” And then he had an idea. “Why don't you stay there for a few more days, and I'll meet you there.”

Melanie's face suddenly burst into a smile. “That's a nice idea, love.” It was the first time she had called him that in a long while and he beamed.