“I love you so much, Mel. And I've been such a fucking ass.”

“No, you haven't. We've both been. So much happened in so little time. And our work puts so much pressure on us both.” He couldn't disagree with that.

“What do you want to do about the house? Do you still want to move? I will if you want us to.” He had thought about it a lot in the past few days, and he didn't want to give up the house he loved, but if it meant that much to her, and there really wasn't enough room for the twins, unless maybe they exchanged rooms with Pam, and he knew she'd have a fit. “What do you think?”

“I think we should stay where we are for a while, and let everyone settle down before we make any more changes at all, and that goes for Mrs. Hahn too.” He was relieved at what she said and he thought she was right. They all needed time to settle down now. So everything was resolved, except her miseries at her job, and what to do about their unborn child. “Do you really want to come up here?”

“Yes, I do. I feel like we haven't been alone for years. We even took the kids to Mexico on our honeymoon.”

She laughed at that. “Whose idea was that?”

“All right … mea culpa … but anyway, a romantic weekend sounds fabulous to me right now.”

“I'll do my best. Keep your fingers crossed.”

She did and he called her back the next day. He had gotten two surgeons on the team to split the weekend and cover for him. It had taken a little negotiation, but he had been so intense about it that they had both agreed.

“I'll be there in two days,”

“Good.” And she needed that much time to herself to think about whether she wanted an abortion or not. She really wasn't sure. “How are the kids, by the way?”

“Fine. And really beginning to appreciate you.” And so was he. He could hardly wait to see her on Friday night. It was like the days when she was living in New York, only worse, because he knew what he was missing now. And he told her so. “I miss you too, Mel, more than you know.” It had been a ghastly week for him. And Iris Lee had died that day, but he had expected it, and he didn't tell Mel that. They had their own problems now, without adding another thing. He was more worried about her, than his patients now. “Are you feeling all right?”

“I'm fine.”

And he didn't ask her if she'd made up her mind yet. And the next day she took a long walk in Muir Woods, and tried to think about what she wanted to do. Again and again she came back to what she had told Val … “I don't know if I could have done what you did …"I t was not a condemnation, whatever Val might have thought at the time. There was something about aborting a child at her age, married to a man she loved, with plenty of money between them both. There was no reason for it, no way she could explain it to herself, and perhaps there would be no way she could live with it. “But do you want the child?” she asked herself, and that was where she got hung up. She wasn't sure. But what an ugly luxury to dispose of a life because she wasn't in the mood, it didn't fit in with her job, it annoyed her other kids … and there they were again … the all-powerful others in her life, husband, children … what she owed them. What did she owe herself! And suddenly she heard her own voice in the woods. “I want this child.” She was so startled that she looked around, as though to see who had spoken those words, but she knew she had. She felt a thousand-pound weight lift off her heart and she smiled. She looked at her watch. It was time for lunch. She had to take care of the baby if she were having it … I want this child … the words had been so strong and sure, and so was she as she made her way back to her car, walking through the woods.





CHAPTER 31

“Oh, Mel…” Tears filled his eyes and he was beyond words as he clung to her. He didn't even care what she did about the baby now. He wanted her and only her … and no more so than she wanted him.