K. Golland - Attainment

Leaning in closer to the monitor, I strain to hear what she is so worried about.

“I don’t want to risk losing Bryce,” she says sadly.

What. The. Fuck? Lose me? Why would she lose me? She will NEVER lose me? With my heart hammering in my chest, confusion plagues me as to why she would feel this way. As far as I am aware, I have never given her cause to believe I would abandon her. It doesn’t make sense to me.

“Alexis, why do you feel you could lose Bryce?” Yes, why?

“Because it’s happened before,” she exclaims, her voice now raised and sounding desperately troubled. “After giving birth to Charlotte, I waited too long to lose my baby weight and Rick...well...he obviously didn’t find me attractive anymore and went elsewhere. He went and had an affair with a younger, slimmer, prettier woman. God, Jessica, I don’t think I’ll cope if Bryce does the same. It will kill me. I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. I won’t let Chelsea take him away from me,” she shouts, desperation in her voice.

Fuck! Fuck me! The pieces all start to fit together.

Brayden’s little cry sounds through the monitor.

“Oh, baby boy, Mummy is sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” she sobs. “God, I’m so sorry.”

I hear another muffled sound together with Alexis sobbing in the background and it tears me apart. I want nothing more than to run to her and comfort her, to let her know I would never do what Rick did. EVER! And, I want to kick his fucking head in for making her feel this way.

“Alexis, Bryce is not your ex-husband...” You can say that again. “...he is undeniably in love with you and I can confidently say would never betray you like that. You need to trust him, but first and foremost you need to trust in yourself.”

“I do trust him. I just don’t trust Chelsea. She made it very clear to me after we lost Bianca that she was in love with him. I warned her back then to back off, but I know women like her, they wait like a snake in the grass. Wait for their time to strike. And she’s fucking waiting, I can tell.”

I run my hands through my hair, completely dumbfounded by what I am hearing. Am I that oblivious to Chelsea’s feelings? Does she only have eyes for me? Shit! If that is the case, no wonder Alexis is acting the way she is.

“Maybe you should tell Bryce how you feel,” Jessica suggests. “He has known Chelsea for a long time and is probably unaware of her true character. In fact, I can probably assure you that he is unaware of her true character.”

Alexis sighs. “I don’t think it will matter, Jessica. Where Chelsea is concerned he is like a brick wall.”

What? Am I?

“Okay, well in that case we work on you by making you feel better about yourself. We need to build up your confidence, starting with a trip to the hairdresser. I think you should organise a girly pampering afternoon with your friends.”

“That’s actually a great idea, but what about Brayden? I can’t exactly take him with me.”

“I think his father will cope.”

“Oh, I know that. Bryce has been an exceptional dad so far. He’s perfect. I have no qualms there. It’s just, he is so busy.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Call Lucy in if it makes you feel better. Or speak to Arthur.”

“Noooo. I’m not going behind Bryce’s back and interfering with his business. No way in hell. That is his domain.”

Brayden’s little cry pierces through the monitor again.

“Is he ready for a feed?” Jessica asks. “I’ll let you get back to it then.”

“He shouldn’t be, the little guzzle-guts. But thank you. Thank you for coming and talking to me.”

“Anytime, Dear. And remember what I said. Bryce is not Rick.”

“I know. I just...I get a bad feeling about Chelsea.”

“I can see that. If talking to Bryce about it is off the cards, take matters into your own hands and build your confidence back to the level it should be.”

“I will, Jessica. Thank you.”

Brayden cries out again, except this time he is letting Alexis know he wants a feed.

“Alright, hungry little piggy, I’ll get them out for you. God, you are so much like your father.”

I laugh. Yes, he is like me, wanting to latch on to her nipples every chance he gets. Except, I want to for a completely different reason.

“I’ll let myself out. Take care, and contact me if you need anything,” Jessica says as her voice trails off into the distance.

“Thanks, I will,” Alexis calls out.

Seconds later I hear what sounds like Alexis unclipping her bra, and then that unmistakeable sound of Brayden suckling. I’m totally jealous.

“Whoa, settle petal,” she giggles. “There’s plenty of milk in there and it’s all for you, buddy. No need to try and rip Mummy’s nipple apart to get it.”

Honestly loving to eavesdrop on their time together—but at the same time wishing I could see them both—I consider looking into a video monitor when I hear a knock on my office door. Knowing that it’s Jessica coming to say goodbye, I quickly switch off the monitor and call for her to come in.

I play dumb as she walks toward me. “How did you go?”

“Just fine, Bryce. She is definitely not suffering from postnatal depression.”

I nod and smile. “That’s great. So, what is the matter?”

“I can’t tell you, you know that. But what I can tell you is open your bloody eyes, especially where certain members of your staff are concerned. And pay her attention; tell her how much you love her. Tell her how incredible she is, and most importantly tell her how incredible she looks.”

I continue to nod and smile, knowing that these requests are like second nature to me. Making Alexis feel good about herself is one of my favourite pastimes. “I will,” I promise.

“Good. Call me if you need me. And by the way, Brayden is superb,” she states, smiling brightly. “If ever you need a babysitter, you know where I am.”

“Noted,” I say as she approaches the door and lets herself out.

Once Jessica is gone, I start to think about everything I overheard: the need for Alexis to get back to her pre-baby weight. The fear she has of losing me. The fuckwit ex-husband of hers and how he has destroyed her confidence. And, her thoughts on Chelsea’s true character.

Swivelling my chair to face the view of Port Phillip Bay, I take in the scenic vision that has many times before assisted in providing me clarity in determining a course of action. This time is no different from before as I decide what my next step will be. A step that involves planting a seed, and we all know how much I love gardening.

“You’re beautiful, you know,” I say as I break the silence while watching Alexis feed Brayden. “And I love you more than life itself. That will never change.” I walk into the room and sit next to them, picking up the soft guitar and nervously fiddling with it. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I guess I just don’t want her to be angry with me anymore. I feel like a complete arsehole.

Alexis gives me a critical look. “Did Jessica speak to you?”

“No, not really, she just ensured me that you weren’t suffering from postnatal depression.”

She stands up and walks over to the nappy change table. “I told you I wasn’t.”

“I know you did. But I had to be sure.” I put down the guitar, wanting to help her, wanting to make things right. “Here...” I say, stepping up next to her. “...let me.”

She moves aside and allows me to take her place.

“Hello, daddy’s boy,” I coo like an idiot, something I have absolutely no control over. Even when I try desperately not to talk to my son using my daddy-baby voice, it still comes out of mouth that way. God only knows how much shit Derek and the boys are going to pile on me when they hear. “Let’s change this wet nappy and get you all clean and dry, yeah?”

I lift the nappy to find the filthiest looking mushy substance known to man. Fuck, I can’t even begin to describe what colour it is.

After wiping his dirty arse and sliding a clean nappy underneath—just like Alexis showed me—I hold out the folded-nappy-of-death for Alexis to dispose of.

I then lift Brayden’s bottom to position him correctly and wipe his little fella clean. Just as I am about to secure the clean nappy, a fountain of yellow baby piss hits me square in the face.

What. The. Fuck?

I hear Alexis muffle her mouth with her hand, and even though my eyes are closed and painted with urine, I know she is about to burst into laughter.

“Did our son just piss in my face?” I state calmly.

Alexis, still trying desperately to stifle her outburst, croakily responds. “Um...yes, yes he did.”

“Right. Do you wanna hand me a towel, or a wipe, or a fucking tissue?” I ask, still keeping my tone calm.

“Sure.” She lets go of her bottled outburst and cracks up laughing. “I would love to.”

Seconds later I feel her wiping Brayden’s piss from my eyes, followed by my lips and the rest of my face. And, now feeling that it is safe to unseal them, I pry one eye open at a time to find one happy little boy squirming around underneath my hand.

“You think that’s funny, don’t you?” I ask him. “Pissing on daddy like that.”

“You need to keep his Mr. Doodle covered with either the nappy or a towel AT ALL TIMES!” Alexis reaffirms as she leans down and kisses Brayden’s head. “Otherwise this little cheeky critter will give you a golden shower. Won’t you?”

“Speaking of shower, that’s where I am headed now,” I declare as I walk toward the ensuite.