“I can’t talk to him right now,” I croak out. Addie nods and moves me into the shadows before marching out to confront him.

“No. Just no,” Addie says. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Griffin’s face is illuminated by one of the lights anchored to the eave of the house. He looks awful.

Guilty, yes, but there’s also sadness swimming in those eyes.

“Please, Addie. I need to talk to her.” He squints toward the darkness where I’m hiding. “Please, Sophie. Talk to me. Let me explain. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I take a step back, not wanting to be near him…not wanting to hear his excuses. Running behind a row of azalea bushes to the front yard, I trip every other step, trying to put some distance between us.

I hope Griffin doesn’t follow me. There is a small part of me that wants to take what I heard, twist it around until it’s something that doesn’t crush me. But I can’t quit hearing the disappointment in his voice. No matter what he says, he didn’t want to see me. He didn’t want to be here with me.

By the time I make it to my car, I’m shattered. Footsteps pound on the pavement behind me, and I brace myself.

“Sophie, please talk to me?” Griffin begs.

I’m facing the car. He’s right behind me, and I know Addie is somewhere behind him.

My mouth tightens. “I was so excited my parents let me stay home because all I could think was how fun it would be to hang out with you. Just the two of us. That’s what I was looking forward to. But you want a break. From me. Right? Isn’t that what you were looking forward to?”

His hand lands softly on my shoulder and he says, “Turn around and talk to me.”

I shrug him off. “Is that what you want?”

I can feel him struggling to find the words. “I don’t know what I want, Soph. Everything is so confusing right now. Things got so serious between us. It’s our senior year. We’re supposed to be having fun!”

I spin around. “Well, let me make it easy for you. You want a break? You got it. We’re done.”

He reaches for me, but I dodge his grasp. He seems frantic, and I can’t help but think it’s because of how this is going down. He didn’t get his trial run first.

“Wait, Sophie. Can we talk about this? I love you. I really do.”

His words are like a blow. I’ve waited and wanted him to say this to me for months.

I can’t do this.

I can’t stay here.

“Please stay and talk to me,” Griffin begs. I turn and get into my car.

Griffin finally retreats to the sidewalk as I start the engine, and Addie runs to the window. “Let me drive you.”

I give her a weak smile. “I’m fine. I’ll call you later, okay? I love you.”

She reaches in the window and gives me a quick hug. “I love you, too.”

Thankfully, Griffin keeps his distance.

Within minutes, I’m on I-20 headed to Shreveport.

***

By the time I get to Nonna’s house, I’m a wreck. I check my appearance in the rearview mirror and almost scream at the mascara-streaked stranger staring back at me. My nose is red, my eyes are swollen, and I’m pretty sure there’s dried snot crusted on my shirt.

Thankfully, most of the lights are off, so there’s a good chance no one is here but my grandparents. At this house, it’s not unusual to step over sleeping bodies just inside the door. Out of the eight kids my grandparents have, six live here in Shreveport, four of them within blocks of this house. Though you’d think it would mean they’d go home, that’s usually not the case. But tonight looks quiet.

I park my car on the street and grab my bag from the backseat, but I only make it to the front steps before I collapse. I can’t go in there like this. Nonna will call my parents, and they’ll be mad I didn’t come straight here. But they’ll also be upset about Griffin. They love him. Even with all of their crazy rules, they already treat him like he’s part of the family.

Using my duffel as a pillow, I lie back on the dark steps and stare at the full moon. There’s a huge part of me that wants nothing more than to curl up in my mom’s lap and cry.

A year. That’s how long I’ve wasted with Griffin. A freaking year.

What did I miss? We were both focused on school. We were both looking forward to college and making sure we got into the schools we wanted. I thought we both were happy with our relationship.

But apparently he’s not having any fun with me.

“You going to stay out here all night, or are you going to come in and tell me what happened?”

I nearly fall off the step when my grandmother’s face looms over mine.

“Nonna!” I jump up and stumble into her arms, almost knocking us both over.

She runs a hand up and down my back. I start to cry all over again.

“Oh my, come in and tell me all about it.”

We walk inside, hand in hand, straight to the kitchen. Her kitchen is the heart of this house. It’s a big open room with lots of cabinets and counter space. The fridge is one of those gigantic stainless steel ones that’s covered in pictures, and I know if I open it, the shelves will be packed with food. There’s a row of bar stools along the side of the island and a huge wood farm table stretching in front of a row of windows that look out toward the neighbor’s house. And there is always a vase of fresh flowers sitting in the center.

It’s my favorite room in the house.

Nonna leads me to one of the bar stools, then cuts me a piece of the most decadent chocolate cake I’ve ever seen. There’s never a shortage of goodies here, and tonight definitely doesn’t disappoint.

“I don’t think you’re crying about your mom and dad leaving, so I assume this is about that boy. What’s his name?”

“Griffin,” I mumble.

“Yes, Griffin. Tell me what happened.”

I pause before taking a bite of the cake. I’ve always been close to Nonna, but we’ve never talked about my love life.

She notices my hesitation and says, “I raised four daughters. I promise you I’ve heard my fair share of heartbreak sitting right here in this very spot.”

I let out an awkward laugh. Nonna prides herself on her ability to fix what’s broken when it comes to this family — no problem is too big or small. She just can’t help herself.

She pours me a glass of milk, and I watch her move around the kitchen. She’ll be seventy-five in a little more than a week, but you’d never be able to tell, thanks to an inconsequential number of gray hairs and a faithful skin-care regimen. And she’s still strong enough to carry the huge bags of potting soil and mulch at the nursery, even though Papa fusses at her.

I take a deep breath. “I know I told you I was at Addie’s house, but I went somewhere else instead. A friend was having a party. I wanted to see Griffin before I came here. I was going to surprise him by telling him I’d be around during the holidays.”

Nonna’s eyebrows shoot up. “Uh-oh. That rarely turns out well.”

I choke down a laugh. “You can say that again.”

Nonna settles in next to me and takes a big bite out of her own piece of cake as I tell her everything. When I’m finished, she rubs circles on my back, and I fold into her. “Sweet Sophie, I know this feels like the end of the world right now, but it’s not. Better to see how Griffin feels now before you waste any more time with him.”

She hands me a napkin and I wipe my eyes dry. “But I thought we wanted the same things.”

“Things change all the time. Maybe you thought you two were moving in the same direction when really you weren’t.”

Once I finish my cake, she walks me from the kitchen to the guest room upstairs. “This room is all yours until your parents get back. Tomorrow, you can help me at the shop. Busy hands will keep your mind from wandering. And Olivia will be happy to have the company. She’s been pouty now that everyone else is out of school and she has to work.”

I let Nonna tuck me in and baby me like she did when I was a little girl. It feels nicer than I remember.

She kisses my head and says, “It will all seem better tomorrow.”

Saturday, December 19th

I hate to call Nonna a liar, but it’s tomorrow and everything still pretty much sucks. My eyes are nearly swollen shut from all the crying, and I’ve got a headache that just won’t stop.

I glance at my phone. There are thirty-two missed calls and texts.

I scroll down to Addie’s name and send her a quick text: I’m okay. Call you a little later.

Then I pass over Griffin’s messages and open the conversation with Margot.

ME: You awake, Sausage Toes?

MARGOT: Of course I’m awake. I’m stuck in the bed All. Day. Long. But can’t get comfortable enough to sleep. How’s Nonna’s?

ME: Good. Have they cleaned between your toes yet?

MARGOT: STOP!!!

ME: You started it with the nasty pictures.

MARGOT: Change of subject. Tell me about the food. What did Nonna fix last night? The moms won’t let me have anything that isn’t organic and non-GMO.

ME: 3 layer chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate shavings on top. I had a gigantic piece.

MARGOT: You SUCK. I would give everything in my checking account for you to bring me a piece.

ME: I know all about the online shopping you’ve being doing, so I can guess what’s in your checking account and it’s not enough.

MARGOT: Well, heads-up if you talk to Dad later. He was mad you didn’t call when you got there.