I lie in the bed for a moment, my breath slowly returning to almost normal as I wait for Nico’s return.  But then I hear voices and I realize that whoever it is has no fear of the irrational man that went in a frenzy to get rid of them.

I fix myself as best I can and head to the living room to see who’s arrived.  My hair is fingered back in place and my shirt is readjusted, but there isn’t anything  I can do with the heat on my face.

“Ma, you didn’t need to bring Vinny by the house.  I wouldn’t have forgotten to pick him up.  And I told him that twenty times in the last twenty four hours.”   Nico catches me in the doorway and gives me a look like he may injure someone before the fight, but for some reason I only find it funny.  He’s cute when he’s frustrated.

“Hi Mrs. Hunter.  Hi Vinny.”  I smile and the two step around Nico who was blocking their passage for entry.  Nico looks at me like I’ve just welcomed the devil into his home, instead of two of his biggest fans.

“You’re wearing the t-shirt!”  Vinny is excited and smiling.

“Of course I am.  It’s the coolest t-shirt I own.”  I wink at him and the all-confident boy turns shy for half a second before turning to face Nico.

“You like it Nico?”  It’s sweet how the boy wants Nico’s approval, I just hope Nico doesn’t flatten his enthusiasm because they interrupted a private moment.

Nico looks at me and takes my shirt in again, as if he is seeing it for the first time.  His eyes go hooded and no response is really needed.  The kid smiles as he watches Nico, knowing Nico couldn’t be happier.

“Yeah kid.  It’s perfect.”  He takes a deep breath and exhales.

* * *

All of Nico’s brothers and their wives are already seated when Vinny, Max, and I finally find our seats. Between my friends and his family, we fill almost two rows.  My stepfather managed to pick up the security job for the fight, and it makes me feel bad that I can’t invite mom too.  I’ve told her about Nico, but even that made her nervous.  There is no way she would be able to handle a live fight.  Too many bad memories.

My stepfather spends a few minutes at our row and I get to introduce him to Nico’s family.  It’s an odd feeling blending our families together, but when I take a minute to look around, I realize everyone feels right at home.  My stepfather is chatting away and laughing with Nico’s mom and oldest brother, and Vinny and Max are in their own little world.  It brings a warm feeling to take it all in…I haven’t felt like I had a family in so long.  It’s not my mom’s fault, I just wouldn’t let anyone in.  I didn’t even realize it until Nico snuck into my heart and opened it wide for others.

The announcer steps into the cage and my body goes tense.  It’s really going to happen now.  I’ve pretended that it wasn’t, that I had time before I had to go through watching Nico do this.  But there’s no more time left.  What if he freezes again, only this time he gets hurt?  Or if he hurts the brother?  Will he be able to live with himself after what happened last time?  I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.

“Elle?”  I hear Regina speak, but I can’t respond.  I’m frozen in place, staring at the announcer like I’m waiting for something to happen any second.  “Elle!”  Regina grabs my arms and snaps me out of my trance.  “Are you okay?  You’re white as a ghost.”

I nod my head, but she isn’t buying it.  She knows me too well.  “Come on, let’s get out of here.  This is too much.” My arm is in her hand and she’s already starting to pull me in her direction.

“No!”  My voice comes out louder than I anticipated and I’m suddenly grateful for the announcer who just sent my mind into a tailspin. He’s drowning me out with his loud words fired off in rapid succession, but their meaning doesn’t register with me.  I force myself to look at Regina so she knows I’m okay.  “I can’t leave.  I need to be here.”

Regina searches my eyes like she’s looking for something.  She still looks nervous, but she stops tugging at my arm.  “Okay, okay.  Let’s sit then.  Drink some water.  Please.”

I take the water to make Regina happy and try to focus on what the announcer is rattling on about.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for.  The match to end all matches, more than a year and a half in the making.  The man, the myth, the legend, ladies need no introduction, the one, the only Nico ‘The Laaaaaady Killlllller’ Hunter.”

The crowd goes insane.  Vinny and Max are standing on the top of their seats jumping up and down so hard that I think they might break the chairs.  Nico’s mom, who is normally subdued, is screaming with hands on either side of her mouth.  And his brothers are high fiving, fist pounding, and jumping up to smash each other with their own chests.  The moment of insanity does wonders for my nerves, I can’t help but smile at our crazy gang.

I’m impatiently waiting for Nico to enter the room, but I don’t have to turn to know the minute he steps into the arena.  The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and the room that I didn’t think could get much louder ratchets up ten decibels.  The sound is almost deafening.  I turn to watch him make his way down the aisle, but it’s difficult to see him behind the dozen bleach blonde women in bikinis and high heels who are marching down the aisle in front of him.  Each carries a sign over their head bearing various testaments of love to “The Lady Killer.”

I try in vain to see his face as he passes, but I’m too short for his sizeable entourage.  It’s not until he steps in the cage do I get a clear shot of his face. One of the brazen, scantily clad bikini girls makes a big commotion bending over in exaggerated form and kissing him on the cheek.  It’s only his side profile, but I catch his jaw clench and I smile to myself knowing the kiss was a setup and clearly unwelcome.  And then he turns, and his eyes land directly on me.  There is no search through the crowd, our eyes just find each other, like metal to a magnet, inexplicably pulled to each other without effort.  He just needs to see I’m really here, but it’s just reinforcement, he knew I was here the minute he walked in the room.

After a few minutes, the crowd finally dies down enough for the announcer to speak over them, although they’re still going pretty strong.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, in the blue corner tonight, we have a man set for revenge.  He’s been waiting eighteen months for his chance to take back his family’s honor…I give you, Trevor ‘The Aaaaaaaa-vennnnnnnnnn-ger’ Crispino.”

Unlike last time, the crowd doesn’t boo.  Even Nico’s family falls silent.  There are some cheers from his fans, but most say nothing and I don’t know if it’s out of respect for Nico, his contender, or his late brother.  Either way it sends a chill up my spine at the mere mention of the horror that was his brother’s last fight.

After a few more mind-numbing announcements, the two men are sent to their respective corners.  It’s funny how my reason for worry changes, yet the worry stays the same.  The last time I sat in this room I was worried that watching men come to blows would be a trigger for me.  Something that would dredge up the memories of the past that I’d worked so hard to tuck away.  But as I sit here today, I’m still worried about Nico’s fight, yet it no longer has anything to do with my own self-preservation.  All of my worry is for the man in the ring, how he’ll manage to handle striking a face that is all too familiar.  The similarities are haunting and it isn’t even my nightmare.  I worry that he’ll freeze and get hurt, or that he won’t and the emotional damage will take its toll later.  Either way, it’s hard to see a win for Nico at the end of this fight, no matter who comes out the victor.

I hold my breath as the fight begins and the two men meet in the middle.  I want to look away, save myself the pain of watching it all unravel before my eyes, but I can’t seem to allow myself to blink for fear of missing even a second.  Nico strikes first, not giving his opponent time to even acclimate before knocking him back three steps with a thundering hit to the left side of his jaw.

As much as I struggle seeing the two men fighting to win something back, something that was taken wrongly from both of them, there is a sense of relief that Nico seems to be back to fighting the way that made him a champion.  But my relief is short lived.  Not ten seconds after I finally exhale, letting out the breath I had been holding, Trevor lands a kick to Nico’s chest and Nico stumbles, his back hitting hard against the unyielding cage.  His back arches with the contact, and I see his face register pain, but he quickly recovers.  Sitting so close, I can see the toll each blow takes on their faces.

By the end of the first round, both men have taken and delivered harsh blows dealt with brute force strength.  I don’t claim to have any experience judging a match, but, to me, Nico is the clear leader as they take their seats in their respective corners.  His blows are stronger, more precise.  And he has the ability to recover faster from the ones he receives.  But all in all, it doesn’t appear to be an unfair fight.

Again in round two it’s Nico who comes out blazing.  He strikes fast and furious and lands a series of kicks which almost knocks Trevor to the ground, but his opponent somehow remains on his feet.  Trevor regains his footing and takes aim at Nico, with a windup and punch that Nico manages to avoid by weaving, leaving Trevor plunging forward with the sheer momentum of the hit that never lands.  Nico sees an opportunity and seizes it, pounding brutally on the man’s back before he has time to recover from his missed punch.  It’s all too much, too fast, and Trevor falls forward, landing first on his knees, before both arms go wide and he plummets face first into the mat below.  For no more than a split second, he lays still on the ground.   But that’s all it takes. I watch as something passes over Nico’s face and everything changes.