Tara Sivec - Worn Me Down

“Your mother is fine. That’s not why I’m calling. I received a very troubling call from the chief of police today,” he tells me.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, knowing exactly what this is about. Austin has been calling some of his contacts all day trying to find out where William is. Looks like news travels fast. I should have warned Austin that my father plays golf with the chief of police.

“I’ve been told there’s some sort of manhunt going on for William,” my father continues.

“Dad, it’s not a manhunt. We’re just trying to find out where he is, that’s all.”

My explanation falls on deaf ears.

“Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me, and for William? Chief Jackson called me out of courtesy, figuring I already knew what this is about considering it’s my own daughter who has involved the police in her childish nonsense.”

I shouldn’t be surprised that my father is still taking William’s side. No matter how many times I tried to go to my parents for help, they didn’t want to listen. They didn’t want to believe that the golden boy they loved more than their own son would be such a monster. It still hurts to hear my father so blatantly dismissive of my problems.

“I’m sorry you think that being abused by your husband for ten years is childish nonsense. But hey, don’t worry about your granddaughter or me; you just keep on worrying about yourself and your fucking reputation. I’ll take care of myself and my daughter on my own, just like I always have,” I fire at him angrily.

“I don’t even know you anymore, Gwendolyn. I don’t understand why you would do this; why you would turn into such an angry, foul person. You need to stop this foolishness once and for all. William is a good, hardworking man and he was a wonderful husband and father. He has been absolutely destroyed since you left him, and now this. If this gets out, he’s going to be ruined. His career will be over. Do you really want to do that to him?”

Gone is the anger I felt coursing through my veins just a moment ago. My father’s words roll right off of me and I suddenly feel nothing. I’m so tired of trying to plead my case with the people who should be supportive of me no matter what. I always thought my parents would stand by me and protect me. And then, one day when I needed them the most, they turned their backs on me. It’s time for me to do the same.

“Good-bye, dad,” I tell him softly.

“So, you’ll call this whole thing off? I knew if I spoke to you myself you’d see reason,” he informs me haughtily.

“No, I mean, good-bye. Don’t ever call me again. If you can’t stand up for your own daughter, then you can go to hell.”

I pull the phone away from my ear and end the call before he can say anything in reply. Tossing my phone on the couch, I head back down the hall to see Austin tiptoeing out of the spare bedroom, pulling the door closed softly behind him.

“She’s out like a light. Who knew little girls would be so excited listening to a story about princesses with AK-47’s and stuffed animals being blown up by RPG’s?” Austin says with a quiet laugh. “I washed the sheets on the bed. You can sleep in there and I’ll take the couch.”

I shake my head back and forth adamantly. “Oh, hell no. You are not sleeping on the couch in your own home. I’m perfectly fine sleeping on the couch or with Emma.”

“This isn’t even my house, it’s a rental,” Austin argues.

“Too bad. I’m not kicking you out of your own room,” I tell him, walking around him to the linen closet at the end of the hall. When he left to drop Ellie back off at her hotel a little while ago, I found that the closet was stocked with pillows and blankets for anyone who rented the place.

Filling up my arms with two blankets and two pillows, I close the door with my hip and walk past him. Austin shakes his head at me in frustration as I walk by.

“You are too damn stubborn for your own good,” he tells me as I turn the corner at the end of the hall and head over to the couch.

Emma is a bed hog and I know within ten minutes of getting into bed with her, I’ll be clinging to the edge trying not to fall off, so the couch it is.

I know I’m stubborn and I like to get my own way. I spent so long doing what everyone else demanded of me that it feels good to put my foot down and do what I want, even if it’s something as silly as sleeping on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed right down the hall with a very attractive man in it.

At two in the morning, I’m sorely regretting the idea of sleeping on the couch. It’s hard and uncomfortable and I’ve been tossing and turning since I laid down, but I know that has nothing to do with why sleep is eluding me. The phone call from my father has been playing over and over in my head all night. I tried to block it out, to forget how hurtful his words were, but I couldn’t. Why do I always put my trust in the wrong people? Looking across the dark room and down the hallway, my eyes gradually adjust to the blackness and I see the outline of Austin’s door. Do I trust him? I know that he’ll do whatever he can to keep Emma and me safe. I trust him with our lives, but what about my heart? Every time I’m with him, I feel myself weakening where he’s concerned. I feel myself drawn to him, wanting more and it scares the hell out of me. I’ve grown accustomed to people in my life letting me down. Even Brady, who I trusted more than anyone else in the world, left me alone and he never looked back, never caring enough to find out about my life or the hell I was going through. I understand why he did it; he had to get away and make a clean break, leave before our parents turned him into someone he never wanted to be – them. Understanding it doesn’t lessen the hurt, but he’s done everything he could to make it up to me and I love him for that.

Austin is quickly worming his way into my heart and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t stay away from him no matter how hard I try. The way he kissed me in the kitchen this morning was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I know he’s not the type of man who would want to settle down with a single mom and I feel like a fool for even entertaining that thought. I don’t want or need another man in my life complicating things, but I’m a grown woman and I have needs that my own fingers just can’t fulfill anymore. I know he wants me; I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me and I’ve felt the evidence of his need between my legs twice now. Just thinking about the night in Brady’s kitchen when Austin pushed me up against the fridge has a tingle of desire blooming between my legs. Rubbing my thighs together, I think back to just how close I was to coming.

Sliding my hand underneath the blanket, I press my fingers to my clit over the top of my underwear and close my eyes, remembering the push of his tongue through my mouth and the hardness in his jeans rubbing against me. I touch myself with thoughts of Austin’s hands and Austin’s mouth on me, but after a few minutes, I yank my hand away in frustration. It’s not the same and it’s just not doing it for me.

Without thinking about what I’m doing, I fling the blanket off of me and push myself up from the couch. I quickly pad barefoot down the hall wearing nothing but a tank top and my lacy boy shorts, leaving my drawstring yoga pants draped over the arm of the couch. When I get to Austin’s door, I hesitate with my hand on the knob. If I open this door it will change everything. Austin will either turn me down and it will be a huge mistake, or he’ll give me what I’m asking for… and it will still be a huge mistake.

Fuck it.

I can’t sleep.

And it’s not because I know Gwen is just a few feet away sleeping on my couch, although that doesn’t help. Hanging around a kid lately has made me think about the past. It’s not something I ever willingly think about.

Fifteen foster homes by the time I was eighteen and could get the fuck out. Never once did anyone read me a bedtime story, play with me or treat me with anything other than indifference. I look at Emma and think about what Gwen went through and I’m so fucking amazed. Emma is happy and sweet… for a kid. Gwen made sure none of the horrors she went through touched Emma and she got her out of that house before it could.

I wish someone would have given two shits about me growing up and done something similar. Having Emma sleeping in my spare room and Gwen wandering through the house today makes me want things I never thought I would. It makes me tired of always being alone and never having anyone to come home to after a tiring mission. Gwen would never be satisfied with a man who came and went all the time; she deserves a man who will cherish her and be there for her every step of the way. I’m a fucking idiot for even entertaining these thoughts.

The click of my bedroom door pulls me away from my pity party and the moonlight streaming in from my bedroom window illuminates the room just enough that I can make out Gwen standing in the doorway. Her legs are bare and the white tank top she’s wearing practically glows in the dark. I can see it hugging tightly to her chest as my eyes take her in from head-to-toe.

I hold my breath and don’t move, watching her as she quietly closes the door behind her and comes over to the bed. She hesitates for a moment at the edge and I wonder if she’s going to turn and run out of the room. I have no idea what the fuck she’s doing in here, but I can’t form any words to ask her. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth and my dick throbs as I stare at her standing next to my bed wearing practically nothing. I hear her take a deep breath and watch her bite her bottom lip. Slowly, so as not to freak her out, I lift up the edge of the blankets – a silent invitation for her to join me.