Gudrun was flushed with the rain, her hair was blown in loose little curls, she was like a flower just opened in the rain, the heart of the blossom just newly visible, seeming to emit a warmth of retained sunshine. Gerald winced in spirit, seeing her so beautiful and unknown. She was wearing a soft blue dress, and her stockings were of dark red.
Winifred advanced with odd, stately formality.
'We are so glad you've come back,' she said. 'These are your flowers.' She presented the bouquet.
'Mine!' cried Gudrun. She was suspended for a moment, then a vivid flush went over her, she was as if blinded for a moment with a flame of pleasure. Then her eyes, strange and flaming, lifted and looked at the father, and at Gerald. And again Gerald shrank in spirit, as if it would be more than he could bear, as her hot, exposed eyes rested on him. There was something so revealed, she was revealed beyond bearing, to his eyes. He turned his face aside. And he felt he would not be able to avert her. And he writhed under the imprisonment.
Gudrun put her face into the flowers.
'But how beautiful they are!' she said, in a muffled voice. Then, with a strange, suddenly revealed passion, she stooped and kissed Winifred.
Mr Crich went forward with his hand held out to her.
'I was afraid you were going to run away from us,' he said, playfully.
Gudrun looked up at him with a luminous, roguish, unknown face.
'Really!' she replied. 'No, I didn't want to stay in London.' Her voice seemed to imply that she was glad to get back to Shortlands, her tone was warm and subtly caressing.
'That is a good thing,' smiled the father. 'You see you are very welcome here among us.'
Gudrun only looked into his face with dark-blue, warm, shy eyes. She was unconsciously carried away by her own power.
'And you look as if you came home in every possible triumph,' Mr Crich continued, holding her hand.
'No,' she said, glowing strangely. 'I haven't had any triumph till I came here.'
'Ah, come, come! We're not going to hear any of those tales. Haven't we read notices in the newspaper, Gerald?'
'You came off pretty well,' said Gerald to her, shaking hands. 'Did you sell anything?'
'No,' she said, 'not much.'
'Just as well,' he said.
She wondered what he meant. But she was all aglow with her reception, carried away by this little flattering ceremonial on her behalf.
'Winifred,' said the father, 'have you a pair of shoes for Miss Brangwen? You had better change at once—'
Gudrun went out with her bouquet in her hand.
'Quite a remarkable young woman,' said the father to Gerald, when she had gone.
'Yes,' replied Gerald briefly, as if he did not like the observation.
Mr Crich liked Gudrun to sit with him for half an hour. Usually he was ashy and wretched, with all the life gnawed out of him. But as soon as he rallied, he liked to make believe that he was just as before, quite well and in the midst of life—not of the outer world, but in the midst of a strong essential life. And to this belief, Gudrun contributed perfectly. With her, he could get by stimulation those precious half-hours of strength and exaltation and pure freedom, when he seemed to live more than he had ever lived.
She came to him as he lay propped up in the library. His face was like yellow wax, his eyes darkened, as it were sightless. His black beard, now streaked with grey, seemed to spring out of the waxy flesh of a corpse. Yet the atmosphere about him was energetic and playful. Gudrun subscribed to this, perfectly. To her fancy, he was just an ordinary man. Only his rather terrible appearance was photographed upon her soul, away beneath her consciousness. She knew that, in spite of his playfulness, his eyes could not change from their darkened vacancy, they were the eyes of a man who is dead.
'Ah, this is Miss Brangwen,' he said, suddenly rousing as she entered, announced by the man-servant. 'Thomas, put Miss Brangwen a chair here—that's right.' He looked at her soft, fresh face with pleasure. It gave him the illusion of life. 'Now, you will have a glass of sherry and a little piece of cake. Thomas—'
'No thank you,' said Gudrun. And as soon as she had said it, her heart sank horribly. The sick man seemed to fall into a gap of death, at her contradiction. She ought to play up to him, not to contravene him. In an instant she was smiling her rather roguish smile.
'I don't like sherry very much,' she said. 'But I like almost anything else.'
The sick man caught at this straw instantly.
'Not sherry! No! Something else! What then? What is there, Thomas?'
'Port wine—curacao—'
'I would love some curacao—' said Gudrun, looking at the sick man confidingly.
'You would. Well then Thomas, curacao—and a little cake, or a biscuit?'
'A biscuit,' said Gudrun. She did not want anything, but she was wise.
'Yes.'
He waited till she was settled with her little glass and her biscuit. Then he was satisfied.
'You have heard the plan,' he said with some excitement, 'for a studio for Winifred, over the stables?'
'No!' exclaimed Gudrun, in mock wonder.
'Oh!—I thought Winnie wrote it to you, in her letter!'
'Oh—yes—of course. But I thought perhaps it was only her own little idea—' Gudrun smiled subtly, indulgently. The sick man smiled also, elated.
'Oh no. It is a real project. There is a good room under the roof of the stables—with sloping rafters. We had thought of converting it into a studio.'
'How VERY nice that would be!' cried Gudrun, with excited warmth. The thought of the rafters stirred her.
'You think it would? Well, it can be done.'
'But how perfectly splendid for Winifred! Of course, it is just what is needed, if she is to work at all seriously. One must have one's workshop, otherwise one never ceases to be an amateur.'
'Is that so? Yes. Of course, I should like you to share it with Winifred.'
'Thank you SO much.'
Gudrun knew all these things already, but she must look shy and very grateful, as if overcome.
'Of course, what I should like best, would be if you could give up your work at the Grammar School, and just avail yourself of the studio, and work there—well, as much or as little as you liked—'
He looked at Gudrun with dark, vacant eyes. She looked back at him as if full of gratitude. These phrases of a dying man were so complete and natural, coming like echoes through his dead mouth.
'And as to your earnings—you don't mind taking from me what you have taken from the Education Committee, do you? I don't want you to be a loser.'
'Oh,' said Gudrun, 'if I can have the studio and work there, I can earn money enough, really I can.'
'Well,' he said, pleased to be the benefactor, 'we can see about all that. You wouldn't mind spending your days here?'
'If there were a studio to work in,' said Gudrun, 'I could ask for nothing better.'
'Is that so?'
He was really very pleased. But already he was getting tired. She could see the grey, awful semi-consciousness of mere pain and dissolution coming over him again, the torture coming into the vacancy of his darkened eyes. It was not over yet, this process of death. She rose softly saying:
'Perhaps you will sleep. I must look for Winifred.'
She went out, telling the nurse that she had left him. Day by day the tissue of the sick man was further and further reduced, nearer and nearer the process came, towards the last knot which held the human being in its unity. But this knot was hard and unrelaxed, the will of the dying man never gave way. He might be dead in nine-tenths, yet the remaining tenth remained unchanged, till it too was torn apart. With his will he held the unit of himself firm, but the circle of his power was ever and ever reduced, it would be reduced to a point at last, then swept away.
To adhere to life, he must adhere to human relationships, and he caught at every straw. Winifred, the butler, the nurse, Gudrun, these were the people who meant all to him, in these last resources. Gerald, in his father's presence, stiffened with repulsion. It was so, to a less degree, with all the other children except Winifred. They could not see anything but the death, when they looked at their father. It was as if some subterranean dislike overcame them. They could not see the familiar face, hear the familiar voice. They were overwhelmed by the antipathy of visible and audible death. Gerald could not breathe in his father's presence. He must get out at once. And so, in the same way, the father could not bear the presence of his son. It sent a final irritation through the soul of the dying man.
The studio was made ready, Gudrun and Winifred moved in. They enjoyed so much the ordering and the appointing of it. And now they need hardly be in the house at all. They had their meals in the studio, they lived there safely. For the house was becoming dreadful. There were two nurses in white, flitting silently about, like heralds of death. The father was confined to his bed, there was a come and go of SOTTO-VOCE sisters and brothers and children.
Winifred was her father's constant visitor. Every morning, after breakfast, she went into his room when he was washed and propped up in bed, to spend half an hour with him.
'Are you better, Daddie?' she asked him invariably.
And invariably he answered:
'Yes, I think I'm a little better, pet.'
She held his hand in both her own, lovingly and protectively. And this was very dear to him.
She ran in again as a rule at lunch time, to tell him the course of events, and every evening, when the curtains were drawn, and his room was cosy, she spent a long time with him. Gudrun was gone home, Winifred was alone in the house: she liked best to be with her father. They talked and prattled at random, he always as if he were well, just the same as when he was going about. So that Winifred, with a child's subtle instinct for avoiding the painful things, behaved as if nothing serious was the matter. Instinctively, she withheld her attention, and was happy. Yet in her remoter soul, she knew as well as the adults knew: perhaps better.
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