According to the itinerary he'd been able to outline from the bits and pieces of information he'd discovered this morning, he'd learned that today was Rob and Valerie's last night at a high-dollar Paris hotel, and they were due to check out and fly back to the states tomorrow. Their international flight was due to arrive at O'Hare in the early evening.
There was nothing to indicate foul play, or that Valerie was in any kind of danger, and that had relieved Liz the most when Steve had spoken to her. Yet he couldn't help but wish that Liz would embrace a bit of anger when it came to Valerie and the way she continually manipulated her emotions and, on some level, her life. But that was the heart of the problem with Liz-she was too caught up in doing the responsible thing, too intent on pleasing her aunt and uncle causing her to sacrifice her own happiness in the process and give up any chance at a future: with him. That had been abundantly clear when she'd sneaked out of his bed last night.
Her withdrawal had also been evident in her tone when he'd talked to her on the phone a while ago. She'd been all business, as if they'd never been intimate. She never strayed beyond their conversation about Valerie, never acknowledged the fact that he was in love with her and had told her as much the night before. He supposed it was easier for Liz to ignore that fact, to pretend it didn't exist, than to deal with all the emotional repercussions that came with such a deep, heartfelt revelation.
Releasing a long exhale, he pulled another case file to follow up on, determined to move on to the best of his ability. He spent the next couple of hours making calls on another missing-persons case, tracing leads, and searching Internet files for information he needed in another state.
The speaker on his phone buzzed, followed by his secretary's efficient voice. "Steve, Liz Adams is here to see you."
An odd sense of déjà vu washed over him. It had been a week ago that she'd come to his office seeking his services, which had been the beginning of an affair that had turned into so much more for him. While her visit this afternoon was unexpected, from all the signals she'd sent out thus far, he doubted she was here to continue their relationship or profess her love in return. But he was curious to know what had brought her by his office when they'd pretty much wrapped everything up with Valerie and the case over the phone.
"Go ahead and send her back to my office." Standing, he rounded his desk just as Liz entered the room.
He smiled at her, and she smiled in return, though the gesture didn't completely erase that damnable wariness that was back in her eyes, shining like a beacon and warning him to keep his distance. So he did, no matter how much he ached to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms and hold her.
They were beyond polite pleasantries, and there was no sense skirting around the reason why she was there, so he jumped straight to the heart of the matter. "What brings you by?"
She absently adjusted her purse strap over her shoulder and straightened, her demeanor much too formal considering how informal they'd been with each other the past week. "I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me, and for finding Valerie. It's a huge relief to know that she's okay."
And what about the fact that your self centered cousin doesn't give a damn that you’ve been overwhelmed with worry and concern for her welfare? He bit back the sarcastic remark, knowing he'd only get a defensive explanation from Liz in return. One that would undoubtedly involve that never-ending promise she'd made to her aunt and uncle, feeling guilt over her past actions, and trying to make up for her disappointing marriage to Travis.
"If I remember correctly, finding Valerie was a joint effort," he pointed out instead, doing his best to keep a tight rein on his frustration. "I couldn't have gotten the information on Rob as quickly as I did without you getting invited to one of The Ultimate Fantasy parties."
"Regardless, I appreciate your advice and guidance along the way. I can't imagine going to that party last night without you being there."
She shuddered, and he knew she was thinking about the two men who'd nearly taken advantage of her, and would have if he hadn't shown up after his meeting with Trixie.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shifted on her feet. "After I talked to you on the phone, I went to The Ultimate Fantasy and quit, and I wanted to say good-bye to Roxanne, who is the only woman who really befriended me. I'm glad to be out of there, but I feel so bad for her and her situation."
Steve realized she was babbling, talking faster than normal, and suddenly seemed nervous. She was here for another reason, he knew, and when she opened up her purse and withdrew an envelope, he steeled himself for what was to come.
She held the unmarked envelope out to him but wouldn't look him in the eye. "I also wanted to stop by to give you this."
He thrust his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, refusing to take what she was offering. "What is it?" he asked, even though he knew what was inside that sealed envelope.
Her shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. "It's my paycheck from The Ultimate Fantasy, signed over to you. It's a good amount for a week's worth of work, including my cut from the party last night. I also had some extra money at the end of the month from the cafe, so I took a draw and included a check for that in here, too. Between both, it's a decent amount, and should help to pay off what I owe you."
His entire body flashed hot with irritation, and his jaw clenched so tight, he was certain he'd grind his teeth to dust. He'd had more than he could take of her obligation to him, and resented the fact that she believed she could wrap up their relationship all neat and tidy with a check to pay for his services.
"I don't want your money, Liz. Or your gratitude, either." He curled his hands into fists in his pockets, looking from that envelope that stood between them to her face. So beautiful. So vulnerable. So fearful of taking a chance on them. "What I did for you, I did because I wanted to. Our agreement might have started out with a loan, but what I want and need from you now isn't money or your appreciation."
He wanted, needed, her love.
Her eyes widened with surprise at his frank, straightforward approach, along with deeper insecurities that controlled too much of her life. But she remained silent.
"I'm disappointed that you think this is all about owing me anything," he went on, figuring he had nothing left to lose. "Then again, you measure everything in your life based on responsibility, guilt, and obligations to everyone but yourself, so why should this be any different?"
She stiffened defensively. "You have no idea what my life is like."
"That's insulting, considering how intimate we've been and all that we've shared. I understand your life, and you, better than you think," he said, unable to hold back the roughness in his tone. "When are you going to stop hiding behind the guilt and obligation to your aunt and uncle for them taking you in after your parents died? Not to mention a responsibility to a cousin that doesn't deserve it?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, her denial coming much too quickly.
"I believe you do." He leaned back against the edge of his desk, hating that he was causing her pain, but knew it was necessary in order for her to get past all the emotional issues she'd carried with her since she was orphaned as a child. "It's easier and safer for you to be the responsible one and strive to please everyone else than risk getting hurt. I don't want to hurt you, Liz; I want to love you. But you have to let me in."
She shook her head jerkily. "I can't give you what you need," she said, her voice raspy and loaded with burdens. "I'm just getting the cafe back to where it should be, I've got Valerie to look after, and after everything with Travis-"
He held up a hand, bringing her excuses to a halt. "We all have issues to deal with, sweetheart, and it's all in the way we handle and resolve them." And she obviously hadn't resolved hers, and possibly wasn't willing to. "You need to live your life for yourself, not everyone else. And that means taking chances and making choices that make you happy."
Not touching her was killing him, and he finally reached out and ran his knuckles down her warm, soft cheek. "You're so busy taking care of everyone else, but who takes care of you, Liz? Who is there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on, a smile to get you through the day, or a hug to soothe your fears and make you feel like you're not alone?"
She had no answer, and that saddened him. "Let me be that person for you," he whispered. "Trust me, and trust your feelings."
She swallowed convulsively but made no reply.
Picking up her hand, he placed a kiss in her palm, felt the tremble of her fingers against his jaw, and knew he'd said everything he could. The rest was up to her. "When you're ready to take a chance on me, on us, you know where to find me."
She set the envelope on his desk and glanced at him one last time before she turned and left. It gave him no satisfaction to see the well of tears in her eyes, or to watch her walk out of his office and his life.
Liz had never felt so alone and miserable in her entire life, even while being surrounded with her employees and customers at The Daily Grind. She'd kept her mind and hands busy the entire day in an attempt to work off the restless, anxious, edgy feeling that had settled within her since she'd walked out of Steve's office the previous afternoon. But now, curled up on the couch in her apartment and drinking a cup of hot tea while she waited for her cousin to finally walk through the front door, she had too much time to think. Too much time to replay her conversation with Steve in her mind. Too much time to question herself, her actions, her life, and her future.
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