Susan Mallery - Wife in Disguise

Del cooked steaks on a grill on the stove while Josie prepared the salad. He’d found a butcher-block cart that was the perfect height for her to use from her wheelchair. As she sliced cucumber, he checked on the meat.

Their conversation was as easy as their movements. Josie told herself not to read too much into the situation, but she couldn’t help hoping that Del thought things were going as well as she did. They’d been lovers now for three days…and nights. They’d been sleeping together in the same bed, reaching for each other in the darkness. Yesterday he’d come home for lunch, but they’d never exactly gotten to a meal. Instead he’d carried her into the bedroom and had made love with her. He treated her with affection, respect and tenderness, and she couldn’t help hoping that love was just around the corner. But she couldn’t be sure.

When he was at work, she sat alone berating herself for not having the courage to tell him how she felt. It should be so easy to say the words, to admit her feelings. He’d loved her once-couldn’t he learn to do it again? Or had there been too much time and damage?

“The kitchen cabinets are finished,” he was saying, speaking of the progress on her remodeling project. “I’ll be hanging them next week. In the meantime I’m getting started on the bathroom cabinets.”

“I can’t wait to see them.” She reached for a tomato. “How’s work coming on the master suite?”

“Great. We’re a couple of days ahead of schedule. Everything should be done in three weeks. Your new house will be all ready for you.”

His words should have made her happy, but they didn’t. She didn’t like thinking about moving out of Del’s home. She liked being here, with him. But she didn’t know how he felt. Was he enjoying their time together or did he want his old life back? When she was finally mobile was he going to give her a kiss goodbye and simply tell her thanks for the good time?

The thought made her chest ache. She hated that it took being in a wheelchair to make Del keep her around. That meant their living arrangement was all about convenience and not a matter of the heart. She’d been faithful about her physical therapy appointments and her exercises. She’d been resting, as well. Now all that was paying off. She was stronger than she’d been since the accident. When she stood in the shower, she no longer swayed like a drunken sailor. She knew that at her next doctor’s appointment she was going to get the all-clear to start using her cane again. Which meant there was no reason to stay here. She would have to move out and then what would happen?

She desperately wanted to ask but she was so afraid of his answer. She didn’t want to know that this had all been a game for him. A way to relive the past. She didn’t want to know that she no longer mattered.

She finished the salads and carried them to the table. Del turned over the steaks.

“What are you going to do with the house?” he asked, his back to her as he watched the grill. “Are you going to keep it or sell it?”

The unexpected question made her tense. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“You seem to be moving around better. I’m sure Dr. Sanders is going to be pleased when she sees you the first part of next week.”

It was as if Del could read her mind, she thought in panic. Was he making conversation or trying to get rid of her?

“I’ve been doing everything she told me,” she said weakly. “Doctors tend to like that in a patient.”

Del flipped the steaks again, then turned to face her. He wore his usual jeans and flannel shirt. The casual clothes emphasized his strength. When he folded his arms over his chest, the shoulder seams strained.

“I’ve liked having you here, Josie. We’re doing well together.”

“I agree.” She swallowed. She didn’t know where the conversation was headed and it made her nervous.

“I wish you’d contacted me when you’d first been hurt. I would have been there.”

“Why?” she asked bluntly. “We were divorced. We hadn’t seen each other in two years. What difference would my accident have made?”

“We’d been divorced for three years when you showed up here.”

“That was different. I wanted closure.”

Something shifted in his eyes, but she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Did you find it?” he asked.

She shrugged, still unable to tell him that she’d thought of him in that last moment when she’d believed she was going to die. “I wanted to know what had gone wrong between us. I guess I needed to tie up some loose ends.” She smiled. “You provided me with a detailed list of my faults, that’s for sure. I now have a very clear picture of everything I did wrong.”

He winced. “I’m sorry for all the stuff I said when I thought you were Rose. I was a jerk.”

“You were honest. It wasn’t fun to hear, but I needed the information. I like to think that I’ve changed since then.”

“In some ways. But your basic spirit and determination are alive and well. I’m glad.”

They gazed at each other. Something passed between them but Josie didn’t have a clue as to what it was. Her heart was too engaged, she thought. She wasn’t able to read his signals because she didn’t want to know anything bad.

He returned his attention to the steaks. “Annie May said you’d been talking about returning to teaching.”

“It’s crossed my mind. Not only do I have the training, I miss it.”

“She said something about special-needs kids.” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Is that what you want or is it all you think you’re capable of?”

She couldn’t help laughing. “Gee, Del, I thought I was the one who asked the blunt questions in this relationship.”

“Hey, I learned from a master. So which is it?”

She considered her answer before speaking. “I suppose in my heart I know that I could go back to what I was doing before. There might have to be some physical adjustments, but I would still be a good coach. But the idea of working with kids who have physical limitations is appealing to me. I’ve been through the surgeries, I felt what it’s like to try to walk when every cell of my body is screaming in pain. I’ve lived with the despair and dying hope. While I would love to take a basketball team to the state championship, I think I would do a lot more good helping a child have fun from a wheelchair.”

He put down his tongs, crossed the room and kissed her on the mouth.

“What was that for?” she asked as he returned to the grill.

“No reason.”

Maybe not, but the action had left her all tingly inside. She had to catch her breath before she could speak again. “I’ve spoken to my sister, Katie. She’s the physical therapist.”

“I remember Katie.”

“She said that there are lots of opportunities for what I’m talking about.”

Del felt himself being ripped in two. On the one hand he liked everything Josie was saying. Her words illustrated the changes in her and made him hope that they had a future together. On the other hand he didn’t know if she planned to pursue her new career here or somewhere else. Was she in his house because she wanted to be or because it was convenient? Was their newfound intimacy just a quick trip into the past, or had he managed to touch her heart?

The simplest way to find out would be to ask, but he didn’t want to hear the answer if it was no.

In the past few weeks he’d come full circle with Josie. At first he’d been attracted to a stranger named Rose. Then he’d been furious to find out she was his ex-wife. Now he was discovering new things about her that made him know he’d been crazy to think he would ever forget her or stop loving her. He wanted them to have a second chance, but this time he wanted it to work.

He turned the meat again. He was cooking them on a low flame to make sure they stayed tender. Josie had already prepared baked potatoes which were wrapped in foil and waiting on the table.

“We both made a lot of mistakes when we were married,” he said, not looking at her. “For a long time I thought all the fault was yours, but it wasn’t. I screwed up, too. At least half of the blame is mine.”

“Relationships are about sharing,” she teased.

He glanced at her. Fading sunlight caught her blond hair, bringing out faint traces of gold. Her skin glowed, her smile was tender. Just looking at her made his heart ache.

“You’re tough,” he said. “You’re stubborn. You’re not a quitter. I know I asked this before, but I still want to know why you quit on us.”

The laughter left her eyes and she sighed. “I don’t know, Del. I’ve asked myself that same question. I guess a lot of it is that I liked to be a winner and I could never win with you. All my life my dad had pounded the concept of being right, of winning, into me. Nothing else mattered to him. I didn’t know how to compromise, I didn’t know how to say, “We were both wrong.” Or if I’d said it, I didn’t know how to believe it. I literally had to get hit by a truck before I figured out that winning isn’t everything. That I don’t always have to be right.” Her mouth turned up at the corners. “I know I look really bright but occasionally I’m a slow learner.”

“It took Annie May reading me the riot act to figure out that I hadn’t exactly been the perfect husband. So I guess we’re even.”

She smoothed her skirt over her lap. “I’ve spent the past year figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. I’ve had to learn to depend on people. I couldn’t do it all myself. That’s been a hard and ugly lesson and I still forget it from time to time.” She paused. “I’m sorry I was so immature when we were married. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to talk things out.”

“I’m sorry I was a jerk who expected you to cater to his every whim.”