Amanda Grange - Wickham’s Diary

At last! A piece of luck. I heard by chance that the living I should have had is vacant, the incumbent having recently died. I decided I would write to Darcy and remind him of the fact. I told him that I had decided against the law and decided instead to follow my original plan of being ordained and going into the church. I told him. too. that my circumstances were exceedingly bad and reminded him that his father intended me to have the Pemberley living. Then I posted the letter.

I only hope he helps me soon, for I am tired of kicking my heels in here and want to be out in life once again.

I have had a reply from Darcy, and what a reply! To think that the boy I once went swimming with and fishing with could speak to me in such terms! He. who is no better than me. save for the fact that he was born into the Darcy cradle and not the cradle marked Wickham. How dare he? How dare he write me such a letter? How dare he refuse me the living and, what is more, say I am not fit to have it? How dare he refuse to help me. when it will cost him nothing? And how can he sit there in Pemberley, with not a care in the world, and leave me to the mercy of my creditors? I was so angry I wrote and told him that his father would be ashamed of him and sent the letter straightaway. Once my anger had cooled I regretted it. for it would do no good and would only rouse his resentment, but it was done and could not be undone.

I mastered my anger and wrote again to Darcy asking him to reconsider and reminding him again that it was his father's wish I should be provided for—reminding him. too. of the happy times we shared as boys. I only hope I said enough to make him change his mind.

Another refusal from Darcy. Damn him!

I have written now three times to Darcy and each time he sends the same reply: that I must not expect anything further from him. that he has helped me all he intends to help me. and that I must now face up to the consequences of my actions and mend my ways before it is too late.

To hear him preaching to me made my blood boil. I was about to write to him again, angrily, for what did I have to lose, when something happened which distracted me. There was, visiting the prison, a woman who had come to bail out her sister. She cast an approving eye over me and I smiled in return. She spoke to me, I bowed to her, and the upshot is that she paid my bills and I am now living with her in her house.

'Why should I not have a pretty face to look at?' she asked, as she introduced me comfortably to her friends. 'I was a good wife to my dear David, God bless him, and now that he's gone I want a bit of fun.'

It is a strange turn of events, and not one I wish to last, but for now, she is undemanding, generous, and appreciative, and it will do.

I have grown tired of living off Mrs Dawson and her friends and I must think of another way to live. If one last appeal to Darcy does no good then I must find an heiress. And, fortunately, I know where one is to be found, for Anne de Bourgh is in Kent, and so to Kent I am bound.

I arrived at the inn shortly after midday and took a room, then set about making discreet enquiries. I hoped to learn at what time Anne went out for her rides, so that I could happen to meet her and renew our friendship, but instead I learnt that the family were not at home.

I quickly conquered my disappointment and decided to look over the estate. I wanted to cheer myself by imagining my future as its lord and master. All problems of courting her under her mother's nose I chose, for the moment, to put aside.

I therefore set out, on horseback, and I was soon at the entrance to the park. It was magnificent. As I rode up the drive I could easily see myself as master of such an abode. The grounds would be ideal for house parties, for there would be plenty to do. Boating on the lake, fishing in the river, playing cricket on the lawn... and there was ample scope for children, too, with large trees to climb and all manner of outbuildings to hide in.

Indeed, by the time I had arrived at the door I already felt myself so much master of the house that I had no hesitation in going inside, where the housekeeper welcomed me warmly and said that she would be glad to show me round, for the family were in Bath on account of Miss Anne's health.

'It is a very fine house, Sir, the finest in Kent.'

'Is that so?'

'Oh, yes. Sir, the very finest, everyone knows it for such hereabouts. The de Bourghs have lived here for five hundred years, the name passing down through sons and daughters, for there is no entailment on the estate and so no difficulty about a female inheriting. The only stipulation is that the husband of any heiress of Rosings should take the family name.'

'Indeed?' I said, whilst thinking expansively. I shall be George de Bourgh.

'Oh, yes, indeed, sir, the family do not want the name to die out, you see.'

She stopped in front of the portraits hanging in the hall.

'That picture is of the present owner. Lady Catherine de Bourgh. The picture was to commemorate her wedding day.'

I looked at the picture of Lady Catherine, looking young and noble, and beside her Sir Lewis, a handsome young man with blue eyes and an amiable expression.

'And next to them is a portrait of their daughter, Miss Anne.'

I looked at the portrait and I was reminded of Anne as she was before her father's death, for although her pose was formal, there was laughter round her mouth and in her eyes.

If I could bring that Anne back I would have an amusing as well as a wealthy wife, and why should I not? As Mama was always so fond of saying, I could charm the birds from the trees.

We went into the drawing-room, and I admired its dimensions, which were truly impressive, and looked out onto the park. The view was discussed, and then we went over the rest of the house, or at least, all that was on display to visitors. 'Well, sir, what do you think of it, is it not the finest house you have seen?'

'It is excellent,' I said. 'I should not mind living here myself

She laughed, and I thought, We will laugh together when I return here as the master. It is a story she will tell to my children and grandchildren. When your father first came here, I showed him around the house and he said he should not mind living here himself His words proved to be prophetic, for he married Miss Anne and now he is living here.

When I had seen all there was to be seen I left the house, well pleased with my visit. I was so eager to have the place for my own that I decided not to wait for Anne to return; I decided to follow her to Bath.

I have put my time in Bath to good use and I have discovered that Lady Catherine is staying in Laura Place. Miss Anne takes the waters at ten o'clock each morning and I mean to see here there tomorrow.

I was at the Pump Room by a quarter to ten and I contented myself with strolling round until I saw Anne enter the room out of the corner of my eye. To my delight she was not with her mother but was instead with her companion. I walked over to the Pump, timing myself so that I arrived there with Anne.

'Why, if it isn't Miss Anne!' I said in feigned surprise.

'Mr Wickham,' she said, with real surprise.

'What a strange chance meeting you here. What brings you to Bath?'

'I am here to drink the waters. My health is not good, alas.'

'I am here for the same purpose. I have had one or two trifling ailments recently and my physician felt it would set me up to come to Bath for a few weeks.'

We both took our glasses of the water and I was forced to drink the noxious stuff. I tried not to grimace, and Anne did the same, and we laughed together.

'It is horrible, is it not?' I said.

'It is,' she agreed.

'Look, over there, there is a chair, Miss Anne,' said her companion, trying to get her away from me.

But I was not to be so easily shaken.

'Let me escort you,' I said.

I gave her my arm and led her to the chair. Her companion glowered at me but I ignored her sour looks and said, 'I was very sorry to hear about Mr Darcy—old Mr Darcy, that is. It was a sad loss when he passed away.'

'Oh yes, it was,' she said.

'He was always a great friend to me,' I said respectfully. 'I believe he loved me almost as another son, and in return I loved him almost as another father. He had high hopes for me, and it has been the purpose of my life to make sure that I realise his dreams. He gave me the benefit of a gentleman's education and a gentleman's life at Pemberley, and I will always be thankful to him for his generosity in both deed and spirit.'

She smiled and said he had always been very kind to her, and the companion looked somewhat mollified at the idea that I was a gentleman and an intimate at Pemberley.

We were just beginning to get along very well when Lady Catherine arrived, throwing a gloom over the whole party. Anne's expression, which had started to become more animated, closed entirely, and the companion seemed ill at ease.