Amanda Grange - Wickham’s Diary

'Now, John, you are not to worry; it looks far worse than it is. With the paper all strewn about, and bags and boxes everywhere, it looks as though I have been buying a great deal when in fact I have bought very little and all of it necessary, I do assure you.'

It almost worked. He stroked her cheek, but then he put her away from him and said, 'You must let me know exactly how much you have spent.'

'You surely do not mean me to keep track of every last penny?' she said in astonishment. 'I hope you do not mean to behave like an accountant?'

'My dearest, one of us must. We are not wealthy, you know. I wish we were, for your sake, but we must take care not to live beyond our income, and that income is not large enough to support your shopping trips.'

Mama tried to distract him, but he would not be fobbed off and at last she had to hand him the bills. He sat down and looked through them and heaved a heavy sigh.

'Darling dear one, don't sigh,' said Mama. 'I have my allowance, you know, and some little money from Mama, and I have not spent so very much more than that, and when you see what I have bought I am sure you will see why I could not leave the things in the shops. I will be very good from now on. I promise you.’

'That is what you said the last time,' he said.

'But this time I mean it,' she said, snuggling onto his lap and stroking his face. 'I do, really, John, I do. I am a trial to you, I know, but I will do better.'

Poor Papa! He never stood a chance!

'You could never be a trial to me,' he said, wrapping his arms around her.

She leant her head on his shoulder, but a minute later she was springing from his knee and saying, 'Then let me show you my new bonnet. You will love it, you know.'

She tried it on and he laughed and said. 'After all. what is the use of a pretty face without a few pretty things from time to time? I can find more work. I am sure. I have time enough. Mr Darcy does not make onerous demands on me. and some of my old clients will hire me to help them with their day-to-day cares.'

Mama kissed him on the cheek, and. having seen enough, I went upstairs where I mused on the fate of Mama and Papa and decided that, when I marry, it will be an heiress. Then I can have all the fine clothes I want, without having to worry about everything I spend.

Pemberley is full of people this month, for the Darcys have visitors. In general I like it when they have people to stay, for it gives me a chance to practise my charm, but this week's visitors are not to my taste. They are some distant cousins of the Darcys and there is not one daughter amongst the children, but instead there are only sons.

Mama was as disappointed as I was when she found out. for as she said to me, ‘You are sixteen now. George, you are of an age to start learning how to make yourself agreeable to girls. You see so few of them, what with being away at school most of the time and then having so little opportunity to meet any through your papa or me. that you must seize every chance you get. And this would have been a good chance. But never mind, make yourself agreeable to the boys, for there is no saying where a friendship with one or another of them might lead.'

I took her advice and I tried to make myself useful. I listened to their tales of hunting exploits and I looked impressed at their stories of romantic conquests, so that I believe the older boys liked me. But the younger boys were more troublesome, particularly as Darcy's parents wanted him to amuse them and of course I had to help him. He brought one of them along when we went fishing this morning. It annoyed me for a moment that he did not ask me if James might join us but then I shrugged, for I cannot expect him to ask me about everything I suppose.

We went down to the river and cast our lines. James did not know how to fish and tangled his line in the bushes and then made a nuisance of himself by fidgeting and saying he was bored. Fitzwilliam told him that he might go back to the house but he shuddered and said that, if he did, his tutor was sure to find him some work to do. He applied himself a little but soon something distracted him, for Georgiana ran down to the river, clutching her doll. She tripped over and dropped it and James, glad of an opportunity to leave off fishing, ran over to her and picked it up. But instead of returning it to her, he held it over her head and laughed as she jumped up and tried to take it.

I could see that Darcy was annoyed.

He said, 'Give it back to her,' but James continued to dance around, waving it over her head.

Georgiana began to cry.

'I said give it back to her,' said Darcy, putting down his fishing rod and going over to James in order to take the doll.

'Make me,' said James, in an infuriating voice.

'I won't tell you again,' said Darcy warningly.

'Good, for I won't listen if you do!' laughed James.

At which Darcy wasted no more words but knocked him down, took the doll, gave it back to Georgiana and then dried her tears. She threw her arms round his neck and gave him a kiss and then ran off to her nurse, who appeared at that moment. The nurse was out of breath, for she had run all the way from the house after Georgiana, but this did not spare her Fitzwilliam's ill humour. He scolded her for letting Georgiana out of her sight, saying that if he had not been by the river then his sister could have fallen in. The nurse looked abashed and hid her novel behind her back so that he should not see the reason for her negligence. She apologised and then she took Georgiana by the hand and retreated with her charge in tow.

We settled down to our fishing again. James had picked himself up and was much better behaved to Darcy. He had a bruise coming up on his cheek, but he said no more of being bored and tried to do as he was told, ending the morning by catching two very fine fish.

'So Fitzwilliam is giving orders already, is he?' asked Mama, when I told her of the incident. 'He has the natural Darcy authority. Study him. George. That authority will be useful to you in the future.'

'Mama, you know I have no authority!' I said with a laugh. 'I cannot give orders for the world! Anyway, why should I need to? As you are so fond of telling me, I have charm!'

'Impudent boy!' she said, ruffling my hair affectionately. But then she became more serious. 'Charm is a great asset in life, but there are certain people who will not respond to it at all. Amongst them are tailors, bootmakers, and tradespeople, people you will need to converse with in the future. They will grant long credit to a man who behaves as though he owns the world, but they will not give anything to a charming rogue, for they know that charm never paid a bill. You must study people carefully, George, so that you can decide which manner will best suit the people you are dealing with. Sometimes charm and sometimes authority. Try it now. Stand up very straight and look down your nose at me. Just think of Fitzwilliam. He has the true Darcy spirit. There is not a tradesman in the land who would refuse him credit, though he is only sixteen years old.’

I tried to assume Darcy's posture and expression, and Mama laughed and said that I did it very well, at which I collapsed into laughter beside her.

'I wish I were Fitzwilliam,' I said, when we had recovered. 'Then other people would have to study how to please me, instead of me studying how to please them.'

'My dear George, you would hate it if you were Fitzwilliam. He will grow up to inherit a lot of responsibility as well as his money, something you would not like at all. You are better as you are.'

I thought there was something in what she said. Even so, I would happily change places with Fitzwilliam. Then I could pay someone to take care of my responsibilities and I could spend my time enjoying myself.

The morning was hot and Fitzwilliam and I escaped from the schoolroom and ran down to the river, where we dived in and swam to our heart's content.

'I love Pemberley,' he said, as he swam lazily on his back, looking at the sky, which was a clear and cloudless blue. 'I could not be happier, knowing that one day it will all be mine. Do you love it, too?'

'Of course I do,' I said, thinking, One day, when I marry an heiress, I shall have an estate just like it.

'Do you think you will be the steward here, after your father?' he asked.

His words shattered my daydream. He saw me, not as a landowner and an equal, but as a steward, someone who would spend the rest of my life serving him. I felt myself grow red with anger and mortification, but, remembering Mama's advice, I thought of a way I could Turn the situation to my advantage.

'To do so I would need a good education,' I said. 'Papa went to university, you know, courtesy of a kind uncle, but I have no such relative to sponsor me.'

'As to that, I believe Papa means to send you to Cambridge with me. He thinks a great deal of your papa, you know, and he wants to help you because of it.'

'I had never imagined... that is very kind of him... I will try to be worthy of him,' I said, expressing myself surprised and suitably grateful.

Fitzwilliam smiled and said, 'I am glad we will be there together. It will be good to have someone there I know. All my cousins are the wrong age to be there with me, either just too old or just too young.'

I tried to think of Fitzwilliam at Cambridge and I wondered what he would do there, how he would comport himself. He would be unconsciously arrogant, no doubt, behaving as though he owned the place.