Maya Banks - Whispers in the Dark

 “Her name is Shea,” he said quietly. He wasn’t betraying her because Swanny had already heard him calling her name on more than one occasion.

 “Yeah, I gathered that much. The question is who is she and…well…who is she?”

 “I don’t know.”

 Swanny sighed and rolled to his back to stare up at the sky. “Has anyone ever told you what a frustrating son of a bitch you are, Nate?”

 “I thought I imagined her. Right up until the time she emailed my brothers to let them know where to find us.”

 “How the hell did she do that? There weren’t any women that I saw in that hellhole.”

 “That’s just it. She wasn’t…there. She was here,” Nathan said, tapping the side of his head. “She talked to me in my head. I don’t even know where she was.”

 Swanny turned back to his side and stared at Nathan, mouth agape. “You mean like psychic shit?”

 “Well, she wasn’t telling me my future,” Nathan said dryly. “She’s telepathic and she can…”

 “She can what?”

 “She took my pain away. Took it on herself. And when I was tortured, she took that too. She suffered. I hated it.”

 “Holy fuck,” Swanny breathed. “You’re serious?”

 Nathan nodded even though he wasn’t sure Swanny could see.

 “That’s some freaky-ass shit, man. You didn’t imagine it? Like as a coping mechanism?”

 Nathan made a dry sound of amusement. “I would have said absolutely yes except for the very real email that my brother received telling him exactly what I told Shea to tell him.”

 Swanny went silent. For a long while he lay there motionless as if grappling with whether or not to believe Nathan.

 “Where is she now?” he finally asked.

 “I don’t know,” Nathan muttered. “She was in trouble. She wouldn’t say much. She was too determined to shield me from pain and get me the hell out of there. She was afraid, though. I could feel her fear. I felt it tonight.”

 “Damn.”

 “Yeah.”

 “What are you going to do?”

 Nathan leaned back and pulled the sleeping bag around him as he settled down once more. “I don’t know. What can I do? I know nothing about her. Just her name, and she begged me not to tell anyone about her. If I tell what I know, I could endanger her. I don’t know enough to find her.”

 “That’s fucked up.”

 “You don’t think I’m batshit crazy?”

 “Nah. In a weird way it makes total sense. I have no idea how it’s possible. Maybe we’re both crazy. But I know what I felt. I know that whatever she did, she saved us both. Instead of spending time worrying that I lost my marbles, I’m just going to be damned grateful she did what she did.”

 Nathan chuckled. “You certainly have a way with words, Swanny. The hell of it is you make complete sense.”

 “I do that every once in a while.”

 Nathan laughed again, and some of the tension seeped from his bones, leaving him exhausted and barely able to remain awake.

 He relaxed and closed his eyes, but he was haunted by the music of her voice and memory of her warmth and gentle touch.

 I’ll find you, Shea. Somehow, someway, we’re going to meet again. Even if it’s just in my mind.

THE tie was choking him and it already hung loose around his collar. He hadn’t been inside the high school gymnasium more than five minutes when his skin started to itch and his airway was constricted.

 Outside, a gentle rain fell, preventing the commencement ceremonies from being held in the stadium. So Nathan was trapped inside a stifling hot gym with several hundred other people.

 His mom tugged him toward the seats that Sam and Sophie had saved for the family. It was actually an entire section where the Kellys had gathered along with “extended” family and friends.

 Swanny was sitting this one out. That and the huge family celebration that would be held at Nathan’s parents’ house afterward. He still wasn’t comfortable being around so many people. The scar on his face drew a lot of stares, some much bolder than others.

 On the way up the bleachers, Nathan was treated to several hugs, exclamations, slaps on the back and welcoming smiles. Hometown hero and all that shit. He felt like a huge fraud.

 Getting captured by the enemy didn’t make him a goddamn hero.

 He tugged at his tie some more until the knot rested well below the collar line and then he unbuttoned the top button. Feeling like he could breathe again, he took the seat next to his mom and smiled acknowledgments at the rest of the family. He didn’t miss their looks of surprise at his presence, since none of them had invited him. Only Rusty had. They’d assumed he wouldn’t come.

 Joe was sitting toward the end, bouncing Charlotte on his knee. When he saw Nathan, he stood and handed the baby back to Sophie and maneuvered his way down to sit by Nathan.

 “Hey, man. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

 “Rusty wanted me to come,” Nathan returned.

 “We all did. I’m glad you came.”

 Nathan nodded, not knowing what more to say.

 “You look like shit, man.”

 Nathan frowned and turned to look at his twin. Obviously Joe didn’t suffer the same affliction of not knowing what to say.

 “When was the last time you slept? You were looking good when Swanny first got here. You were smiling and joking again. Now you look like you haven’t slept in a week and are about to freak out being closed in with all these people.”

 Nathan shrugged. He couldn’t deny either assertion.

 “What’s going on with you, Nathan? I keep waiting for you to snap out of it. I get that what happened was bad. But you’re not getting better. In fact, I swear you look worse now than you did three months ago.”

 Though Joe sounded frustrated, his words were tinged with worry. A worry that Nathan saw reflected in his family’s eyes every time they looked his way.

 “This isn’t the place,” Nathan said in a low voice.

 “No, it’s not. But where is? I can’t talk to you. You’re always working on that damn house, and if I come out and try to talk to you, you just hammer those goddamn nails and ignore me or you answer in one or two words. You’ve shut me out just like you’ve shut the rest of the family out. I’m not just one of your brothers, Nathan. I’m your twin.”

 Nathan’s jaw ticked and he turned to stare at his brother. “What do you want from me?”

 Joe’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. “I want you to start acting like a goddamn human being instead of a fucking corpse. You didn’t die but you’re determined to act like you did. I get that this fucked you up. I get it, okay? But it’s frustrating as hell to watch you slip further and further away. At least talk to me—someone—and let us know how to help.”

 Nathan glanced down the bleachers to see the rest of his family discreetly and not so discreetly watching the interchange between him and Joe. Then he turned back to his brother.

 “Look, man—”

 He was interrupted by the request to rise for the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem. As he rose, his mom slipped her hand in his and squeezed. Just a reminder that she loved him. God, he loved her too. He glanced at the rest of his family—his brothers—standing with their wives. Van next to Sophie, holding Charlotte, as the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner” faded. Seth, the sheriff’s deputy and honorary member of the Kelly family. Garrett next to his fiancée, Sarah, his expression content as she nestled against his side.

 This was as ordinary as it got. Just another family gathering. The very thing he’d prayed so hard for when he’d been in captivity. Just another chance to see his family. Just be.

 He smiled, and when the seniors made their entrance, his smile grew larger. He squeezed his mom’s hand back and then pulled his hand from her grasp and wrapped his arm around her.

 “I love you, Ma,” he said close to her ear.

 She turned and smiled. “I love you too, baby.”

 The joy and relief in her eyes were crushing. He wasn’t the only one suffering. Logically he knew that. Had known it all along. But maybe he hadn’t known just how much his family had suffered since his return—and before—when they had no idea if he was alive or dead.

 He would be better. He absolutely would work not to close himself off from his family as much. But first…First he had to make peace with the issue of Shea.

 Frank Kelly had the huge barbeque pit out and the mouthwatering scent of hickory filtered through the air. In the sprawling backyard, shaded by oak trees, people laughed, talked and joked. The rain had long since stopped, and the sun had peeked from behind the clouds.

 Rusty was enjoying being the center of attention—positively this time. It hadn’t always been the case in her young life. Nathan knew she’d worked hard to overcome the circumstances of her childhood. She’d found a home with a family who loved and accepted her.

 He watched as she carted Charlotte around, accepting congratulations and hugs from the family as well as the number of family friends Marlene had summoned for the occasion.

 Everyone looked happy. Content. Enjoying the day and celebrating a rite of passage for a girl on the brink of adulthood. It should be a fucking perfect day, but here he was, on the outside, worrying about Shea. An invisible, probably imaginary manifestation of his tortured mind.

 Except those goddamn emails.

 He shook his head. He couldn’t forget her. His life would be easier if he could. He could move on, work out his issues, enjoy being with his family, go to work with his brothers. Enjoy life and living.