“Even after my memory grew so hazy with the drugs they gave me, I held on to Ethan. His name. His image. As time went on, I convinced myself he wasn’t real and that he was just my own personal warrior or angel. Take your pick. But he got me through my darkest days. I convinced myself that he would save me. Maybe it was all I had. It was either cling to that belief or just give up. I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“That’s not everything,” Nathan muttered. “We talked. I mean really talked. And the thing is…Boy, does this get crazier by the minute. The thing is, I couldn’t have imagined her because she emailed Van.”

 Rachel pulled sharply away. “You mean the email he got telling him you were in Korengal Valley? The one telling him to talk to Joe?”

 “That’s the one.”

 Rachel pursed her lips and blew out her breath. “Okay, so when you say you talked to this woman, you mean like she was in the next cell? Or she was part of the group of people who kept you prisoner?”

 It would be so easy to say yes. He should say yes and just forget this whole conversation. He’d refused to even discuss the email with his brothers. They were frustrated as hell because they wanted answers, but if they even brought it up, Nathan shut down.

 “Nathan?” she prompted when the silence grew longer.

 “Look, just forget it. It’s not important.”

 She reached forward with surprising strength and pulled his hands toward her. She clasped them and stared up at him, her expression fierce.

 “It is important. Talk to me, Nathan.”

 He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for listening, Rachel. Really. But this is something I’ve got to work out on my own.”

 He saw the frustration in her eyes but also her understanding as he pulled away. Then she pushed forward and hugged him again.

 “We love you, Nathan. We all do. Just remember that.”

 The door to the patio opened and Ethan stepped out but then hesitated when he saw Nathan and Rachel.

 “Hey, man, get your own woman. I should have known you’d be off sweet-talking mine.”

 Nathan grinned and relaxed. This he could handle. Typical banter. He hadn’t realized how much he just wanted to revert back to old times where his brothers gave him shit instead of looking at him like he was a quarter off a full dollar.

 But then he hadn’t helped in that area. If he wanted to be treated normally, he needed to stop putting up walls between him and his family.

 “I can’t help if a pretty woman prefers my company,” Nathan drawled.

 Ethan ambled forward and slid an arm around Rachel. “You two avoiding the family out here? I seem to remember Rachel slipping out here a time or two when things got overwhelming.”

 “I was just telling her how amazing I think she is.”

 Ethan smiled. “Well, I can’t argue with that.”

 “Okay, you two, enough,” Rachel grumbled.

 She slipped out of Ethan’s grasp, gave Nathan another quick hug and then headed inside, leaving Nathan alone with his brother.

 “Everything okay, man?” Ethan asked when Rachel had shut the door.

 “She’s pretty damn special,” Nathan said, ignoring the question.

 “Yeah, I know. You two have a lot in common.”

 Nathan’s lips quirked upward. “Oh? You think I look as good in a dress as she does?”

 Relief flared in Ethan’s eyes at the comeback, but then his expression grew more serious. “No, I meant you’re both survivors.”

CHAPTER 11

NATHAN’S eyes flew open and the splash of stars in the inky midnight sky instantly swam in his vision. They loomed close then backed away, and the world spun crazily around him.

 He tried to sit up in the sleeping bag and promptly fell over, weak and disoriented. His mind was clouded, and random images flashed, none making sense.

 Strange men, yawning faces and a sense of overwhelming fear.

 What the hell was happening to him? He hadn’t drunk that much beer. Certainly not enough to get a buzz, much less stupid drunk.

 This wasn’t like his other panic attacks. He hadn’t been dreaming. It was one of the few nights that his mind had been blissfully free of the past.

 There was such a sense of dread overwhelming him that his breaths puffed out and his stomach rebelled. His chest burned from the pressure. It was as if weight pressed down on him from every angle.

 And then he felt her. Just one brief moment, as if she were desperately trying to reach out to him.

 Shea.

 Scared. Terrified.

 It was her panic he felt. Her disorientation.

 Shea!

 He screamed her name in his mind. Then he yelled it hoarsely, the sound echoing through the night.

 He tore away the sleeping bag that confined him, stumbling out onto the ground and to his knees. Beside him, Swanny shot upward.

 “What the hell?”

 Nathan shoved his hands into the grass, trying to push himself upward, but he was too weak, too disoriented to maintain his balance. He fell heavily to his side, cursing because he couldn’t wade through the fog in his mind to reach out to Shea. She was there. He knew it. Was she trying to reach him? Did she need help?

 He curled his fingers into the soil, trying again to right himself, to get up and battle the confusion. Swanny scrambled over, his face close to Nathan’s.

 “What’s wrong, man? Do I need to get help? What’s happening to you?”

 Nathan snarled his frustration, grabbed on to Swanny and pulled. “Help me.”

 Swanny pushed to his knees and then stood, Nathan still gripping his hands as he pulled upward. He staggered to his feet, wobbling like he’d been on a bender from hell.

 The world kept moving around him, dipping and swaying until nausea rose sharp in his belly and into his throat, clenching and squeezing until he couldn’t breathe.

 “What the fuck is wrong?” Swanny demanded. “Let me call a damn ambulance. Or at least drive you to the hospital.”

 “Just let me get my feet under me,” he gritted out.

 He put his hands to his head, sucked in breaths and then reached out again.

 Shea, talk to me, damn it. Are you okay? What’s going on? Please, just talk to me.

 He caught just a hint of his name, and suddenly the disorientation faded. The shadows drifted away, leaving him sharply aware of his surroundings. The smell of a late Tennessee spring, verging to summer. The lake. The trees, the pine.

 A breeze cooled the sweat that dampened his body, and he shivered in reaction.

 She was gone. Like she’d never been there. Again.

 “Son of a bitch!”

 “Nathan, talk to me, man. What the hell is going on?”

 He pushed away from Swanny and stalked toward the edge of the cliff overlooking the lake. Below, the water was inky, reflecting only a sliver of moonlight.

 Was he losing his mind? Was he crazy? Was she real or not?

 How could he explain the emails, the very real emails, if she wasn’t real? He clung to that piece of evidence, the only thing he could point to with any assurance. If it weren’t for those emails, he’d have already surrendered the last threads of his sanity.

 “She’s real, goddamn it.”

 “Who’s real?” Swanny asked. “Who are you talking about?”

 “She’s real and she’s in trouble and I have no idea how to help her.”

 Helplessness and frustration swamped him. Overwhelmed him. What could he do?

 He cupped his hand over his face and dug his fingers into the corners of his eyes. He squeezed the bridge of his nose as he concentrated on the mess he’d awakened to.

 None of it made sense. He hadn’t seen anything. Only sensed it and had an experience so bizarre that he’d swear he’d taken some bad acid trip.

 “Look, just calm down. We can talk about this.”

 Nathan shook his head. “Just let it go, Swanny.”

 There was a pronounced silence and then Swanny shoved in front of him, obscuring Nathan’s view of the lake. All he could see was the determination gleaming in his friend’s eyes.

 “I won’t let it go,” Swanny said in a low voice. “I came here for answers. I haven’t pushed. But something happened in Afghanistan. Something I can’t explain. Now you’re talking crazy and mentioning this woman’s name, the same name you screamed when we were rescued. Whether you want to talk about it or not, you put your hands on me and something happened. I wasn’t going to make it out of there. I knew it. You knew it. But then you did something. I’ll never forget that feeling. Like sunshine warming me from the inside out. And the pain. Gone. I could breathe again. It was so damn peaceful that for a minute I thought it was the end.”

 Nathan looked up at the sky, closed his eyes and breathed out as his shoulders sagged.

 “You played it off, man. And I let you. But you know you fed me a line of bullshit. Angels, God. Yeah, maybe, but you know more than you’re letting on.”

 “I don’t know! I wish to hell I did,” Nathan bit out.

 He balled his fist in frustration and pressed it to his forehead.

 “Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe we both are.”

 “I’m perfectly okay with that explanation,” Swanny said calmly. “But we aren’t. Now stop holding out on me.”

 Nathan stumbled back toward the sleeping bag, sat down and pulled his knees to his chest. Beside him, Swanny crawled into his and stretched out on his side. For a long time, Nathan just sat there, staring into the distance. The silence was brooding, but Swanny waited. He just lay there and watched Nathan, waiting for him to speak.