The first intimate sweep of his tongue over her female flesh brought a cry to her throat she could not contain. Her arms collapsed beneath her, and she lay back, caught in a maelstrom of intense sensation as he worshipped her with his mouth and tongue, licking, kissing, teasing her, building the pressure until a long, raw moan ripped from her throat. Looking for an anchor, she fisted her hands into the counterpane as wave after wave of release rushed through her.
It seemed her shattering, deep, inner contractions had barely subsided, when, in a limp daze, she felt him move, lifting her body to settle her on the center of the mattress. Before she could so much as draw a breath, he slid into her in one breathtaking stroke.
"Look at me," he whispered.
She somehow managed to pry open her heavy lids. His expression was harsh with need, his eyes appearing nearly black with arousal.
"Allie," he whispered. And then he kissed her, deeply, his tongue mating with hers. The scent and taste of her own female musk, mingled with his unique masculine flavor, inundated her senses, and the magic started all over again. Wrapping her legs around his waist, gripping his shoulders, she met his increasingly urgent thrusts. His lips slid away from hers, and he buried his face in her neck.
"Now," he whispered, the word ending on a groan. "Come with me. Now."
Her orgasm pulsed through her, wringing a cry of pleasure from her. He thrust into her one final time, clasping her tightly against his damp chest as he found his own release. Then, before her heart had even started to slow down, he rolled them onto their sides. Still intimately joined, she snuggled her heated face against his chest, reveling in the sound and feel of his frantic heartbeat tapping against her cheek.
When her breathing finally regulated, she whooshed out a long sigh of utter contentment, then leaned back to look at him. He'd been so still, she'd thought he'd perhaps dozed off. But she found herself looking into dark blue eyes. Very serious dark blue eyes. Much too serious eyes.
She instantly sensed the need to lighten the mood, for feelings and emotions she was not prepared to cope with were unmistakable in his gaze. But before she could utter a word, he cupped her cheek in his hand and said the words she feared most. The words that would end their relationship.
"I love you, Allie."
Chapter 19
Robert looked into her wide golden-brown eyes and repeated the words that his heart could no longer contain.
"I love you," he whispered. A simultaneous sense of calm and elation rushed through him at finally telling her the words that would start them on their future together. Brushing back a tangled chestnut curl clinging to her soft cheek, he watched her, waiting for her response, waiting to hear her repeat the same sentiment to him.
Instead, all the color blanched from her cheeks, all traces of warmth vanished from her eyes, leaving her with a bleak stare, and her body went stiff and unresponsive in his arms.
She squirmed in his grasp, and even though he wanted nothing more than to keep her in his arms, he let her go. With jerky steps, she crossed to the wardrobe, pulling out a plain, off-white, cotton wrapper. She did not turn to face him until she'd secured the sash around her waist. He took the few seconds to don his own discarded robe, then sit on the edge of the mattress. When she did finally face him, he stilled at her expression.
She was smiling. But not the sort of happy smile he'd hoped for. This was an indulgent sort of smile… the sort he gave Emily or James when they pulled on his hands to lead him into a game.
"I thank you. However, everyone knows one mustn't take seriously any words said in the throes of passion."
Stunned, he simply stared at her for several seconds. Then, when he could trust his voice, he rose and erased the distance between them in three long strides. Grasping her by the shoulders, he opened his mouth to speak, but she laid her fingers across his lips.
"Don't say it again. Please."
He shifted his head to dislodge her fingers while fighting to hold off the unease and impatience pressing in on him. "Why the devil not?"
"Because such words are… awkward between two people who are merely lovers."
Her words stabbed him like a knife between his ribs. Before he could recover, she continued, "Indeed, it would be most unwise for you to think you love me. Given our situation, you really must put the idea out of your head."
His fingers tightened on her shoulders. "I do not think I love you. I know it. Absolutely."
She lifted her chin and raised her brows. "How can you possibly? You barely know me."
He could not decide if he was more stunned or more furious. He studied her eyes. Was that a flicker of fear he saw? Was she afraid of his feelings? Or was it her own that frightened her? Forcing himself to speak in a calm voice, he said, "Given the way we've spent our time in this bedchamber, I believe I know you extremely well."
Color stained her cheeks. "You are confusing love with lust."
There it was again, that flash of fear in her eyes. Some of the tension drained from his shoulders. She was merely afraid, no doubt because their relationship had progressed so rapidly. She simply needed reassurance. Completely understandable.
With his gaze steady on hers so she could read the sincerity of his words, he said, "Allie. I cannot deny I feel lust for you. Passion. But I am not confusing that with love. Perhaps I was precipitous in telling you how I feel, but I could not hide it any longer." He brushed his fingertips over her soft cheeks. "I assure you that ‘I love you' are not words I say lightly or frivolously. Indeed, except for my mother and sister, I've never said them to any woman."
"It takes longer than a week to fall in love, Robert."
"I disagree. There are women I've known for months, years, who, in spite of knowing them all that time, they have never inspired even a fraction of what I felt for you from the first time we met."
An almost desperate look came over her features. "Robert, believe me. You… you don't know anything about love."
"I beg to differ. I know everything about it. I've lived with it, experienced it, every day of my life. Look at my family- you cannot possibly have spent so much as an hour in their company and think that I do not know about love. It seems that the question is, do you know what love is?"
Her eyes went blank. "Yes. I had it once. That was enough."
He shook his head. "That wasn't love. That was one-sided hero-worship of someone who tricked you in the most despicable of ways. That was lies and deceit. Love is sharing. It's happiness and laughter."
"No, love is heartbreak. And I do not want any part of it ever again." Her bottom lip trembled, and her expression turned beseeching. "Robert… please. I do not want to hurt you."
"Then accept my love. Love me in return." He framed her pale face in his hands. "Marry me."
Allie stared at him in mute dismay, his words echoing through her brain like a death knell. Marry me. Marry me.
Dear God, how had she allowed things to progress to this point? He was looking at her, his eyes dark and serious, and frighteningly expectant. Terrifyingly hopeful. She tried to step away from him, from his compelling, unrelenting gaze, but his hands had slipped to her shoulders and he held her fast.
Anger seeped into her veins. Damnation, she was tired of men believing they were in control of any facet of her. Her movements, or her future.
She lifted her chin. "I told you before we embarked upon our liaison that I had no desire to ever marry again. I wanted a lover, nothing more. I am not looking for forever. Why can we not simply enjoy each other for the time I'm here?"
"We can. But I am looking for forever. And I want it with you. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you do not have feelings for me?"
The bottom seemed to drop out of her stomach. She wanted to deny it. Desperately. But could she? God help her, no. Somehow, against her own better judgment and warnings, she'd come to care for him. A great deal. A humorless laugh rose in her throat, nearly choking her. How foolish could she be? How could she have believed she could take this man into her bed, into her body, and not involve her heart?
But she could not, would not risk herself again. Dear God, this was the same, the very same, mistake she'd made with David-allowing her heart to rule her head with a man she barely knew. A man with secrets he'd conveniently neglected to mention. How many more times would she need to make the very same mistake before she learned? Two? Three? Five? A dozen?
Zero. She would not make the same mistake again. No matter what her heart wanted. Her heart, as she'd learned the hard way, was entirely unreliable.
"Obviously I cannot deny I find you attractive-" she began.
"That is not what I asked." The look in his eyes was half fierce, half confused, and it tugged at her heart in a way she'd never before experienced. "Can you honestly tell me you don't feel it? This magic between us? How is that possible, when I feel it with every breath? Every heartbeat?"
"I… I care for you," she said. "You are a generous, exciting lover. But that is all I want. All I can give in return."
He shook his head, as if trying to align his thoughts into order. "Jesus. I thought-no, I knew-that once we'd made love, you would see… would realize…" He released her shoulders and dragged his hands down his face. Closing his eyes, he tipped back his head and looked at the ceiling. When he lowered his gaze back to hers, anger burned bright in his eyes.
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