“Bye,” I mumbled into the pillow.

I tried going back to sleep after she left and I heard the front door shut, but I couldn’t. I had to pee, and now that I’d been awake for more than a few minutes, my stomach was letting me know how neglected it felt. With a groan, I pushed myself awkwardly off the pillows, letting the blankets fall off me, and stumbled my way over to the door and down the stairs. After using the bathroom, I had begun walking toward the main stairs leading to the first floor when something caught my eye, and I paused.

Turning to look on my left, I noticed a light coming through my cracked-open door and raised an eyebrow. I had a bad habit of leaving my door wide-open, and I hated having lights on.

Trying to remain as quiet as possible in the old house, I tiptoed toward my room and held my breath as I reached my door, trying to listen for signs of anyone in there. When I didn’t hear any, I pushed the door open, ready to scream, or run, or turn full-on ninja.

My shoulders sagged and all the air left my chest in a depressed huff when I found nothing in my room out of place. It was super anticlimactic.

I walked out of my room and turned toward the stairs, and a scream tore through my chest as I stumbled back before tripping over myself and falling hard on my butt.

“Are you okay?”

“Why are you here?” I yelled, my breathing ragged as I stared at Kier’s worried face, his arm outstretched like he’d been about to catch me.

“I was waiting for you.” He leaned closer to help me up.

“So you wait for people by popping up out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of them?”

“Didn’t mean to scare you. I was just coming back upstairs.”

I sighed heavily and pressed a hand to my chest. “Christ, you about gave me a heart attack. Have you been in my bedroom?”

He glanced at my door and shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Do you have a habit of inviting yourself to wait for people in their rooms?”

His lips tilted up on one side in a charming, lopsided smirk. “Uh, not exactly. Your housemate told me she didn’t think you’d be upstairs much longer and to wait in your room. I’d been in there, but I realized I left my phone in my car, so I went to get it and was coming back.”

“Traitor,” I hissed.

“Excuse me?”

“She was supposed to tell you I wasn’t here.”

Kier didn’t look hurt or shocked by this. His smirk just turned into a full-on grin. Ass. “She told me that, too.”

I crossed my arms under my chest and glared at him. “What all did she tell you?”

“First, are you okay? That looked like it hurt.”

“I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth.

His golden eyes danced. “All right. She came downstairs, said you’d told her to tell me you were gone even though you were hiding out upstairs in the pillow room—whatever the fuck a pillow room is—and she thought you’d been up there for a while and probably wouldn’t last in there much longer, so to wait for you in your room.”

“Lovely,” I groaned.

“What’s a pillow room?”

“It’s a room full of pillows.”

His expression went deadpan for a few seconds before he rolled his eyes and sighed. “Anyway. I wanted to check on you.”

I’d started turning away from him, but at his admission, my head snapped back to look at him. “Why?”

“Because of yesterday.”

My cheeks burned and I took a self-conscious step back. “What about it?”

“You were obviously freaking out, and I don’t think I made it easier for you. So I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine.”

He studied my face for a few seconds. “Are you sure about that?”

I broke down most of yesterday and today. No, I’m not fine. “Positive.”

“Indy . . . ,” he mumbled, his tone conveying his disbelief.

I had humiliated myself in front of this guy yesterday, and after the days I’d been having, I didn’t need him bringing that humiliation back up. “Did you need something else? As much as I appreciate you checking up on me, I’m fine, and I’m kind of busy.”

Kier’s head jerked back and his eyebrows rose. “Look, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you yest—”

“For a guy who doesn’t talk a lot, you’ve sure seemed to do nothing but talk the last couple days. I’m sorry, but I need you to leave.”

Even as I said the words, I wanted to take them back. I didn’t want Kier to leave. I wanted him to keep talking to me. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted this safe feeling to never go away, but I hated knowing he could see how close I was to breaking for the second time today. I hated knowing he probably thought I was some ridiculous girl. And right now . . . right now—no matter how much I wanted him here—I needed to be alone.

With a small nod, he took two steps backward before turning and walking down the stairs.

I didn’t even wait until I heard the front door shut. Ignoring the hunger pains in my stomach, I turned and bolted up the stairs and into the attic as the sadistic cravings got to be too much and a tortured sob burst from my chest.

I tripped over pillows and blankets, falling onto a mass of more of the same as hard sobs racked my body and tears streamed down my cheeks. My hands fisted, and I pressed them against the tops of my thighs as I chanted the words over and over again until sleep finally claimed me.

I won’t do it. I can’t. For Ian. For me. I won’t do it. I can’t. For Ian. For me.

chapter four

Kier


I spent the entire next day doing nothing but thinking about Indy and the way she’d looked when I saw her the day before. It wasn’t hard to miss the bloodshot eyes and blotchy cheeks, but she hadn’t even wanted to talk about our conversation from the morning before—and I know that had been my fault. But if she wouldn’t talk to me about that, I knew bringing up the fact that she looked like she’d been crying would only make everything worse.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t stop wondering what had been wrong. I couldn’t stop the need I felt to go take care of her. Just like I’d always felt with her. From the beginning there’d been something about her, something calling me to her—to protect her. Only now I was having more and more trouble staying away from her. Like today. It’d been storming all day, the temperatures borderline freezing, and the lightning and thunder constant. Obviously she wasn’t alone in her house like I was, but her housemate had mentioned something about two of them being at work all day, and I figured today would be the same. So she was alone again and I’d been thinking of a hundred different excuses to show up like I had done yesterday. Keep her safe from the storm—douche line. Bring her food—which I didn’t have any of. Take her out—which I doubted she would agree to. Ask her if she was ready to actually remember me—but I knew I couldn’t.

I was reaching, and I knew it. I needed to stop. I just didn’t know if I could.

I sat up quickly on my bed when the power went out in the house. After waiting a few seconds without it flickering back on, I fell back and raked my hands down my face.

“Fucking perfect.”

Slapping my hand around on my bed until I found my phone, I slid my thumb across the screen to light my way so I could go check the breaker in this old house. I stopped when I realized there was no light coming in my window from outside, either.

Walking over to it, I looked out the blinds to find a dark street that only lit up from the random lightning. Glancing to the left, I saw Indy’s car parked in front of their house, and fought with myself for only a minute before I was pulling on a hoodie and jacket. With a douche line or not, I was going over there and keeping her safe from the motherfucking storm.

I ran through the rain and up the stairs to the girls’ porch just as the front door opened, revealing Indy with wide eyes, like she’d just been caught.

“Kier,” she breathed.

This was such a bad idea. “Uh . . .” I’m checking on you again. I’m protecting you like the badass I’m not. “I wanted to see you.”

Her lips curved up. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah,” I said on a defeated sigh.

“Even after the way I treated you yesterday, and embarrassed myself the day before, and I could go on to the other times we’ve spoken . . .” She started to laugh, but jolted when a bolt of lightning flashed, almost immediately followed by a deafening clap of thunder.

“Yeah, still wanted to see you. But if you’re going some—”

She stepped back, holding the door wider. “I was coming to you. You just beat me to it.”

I kept my eyes trained on her as I walked into the house, not missing the way she was looking everywhere but at me as I did. I was used to the drunken Indy forgetting me, and the sober and adorable-as-sin Indy—but I wasn’t used to what I’d encountered yesterday, and I wanted to know what had made her act that way. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to make sure it never happened again.

“So you—” I started at the same time she blurted, “I’m so sorry, Kier. I—wait, what were you about to say?”

I smiled even though I doubted she could see me clearly. “I was just trying to figure out why you were coming to see me.”

There was a long pause. The only sound was our breathing, the rain against the house, and the occasional thunder. When she spoke again, her words were soft and slow. “I needed to apologize for yesterday, and . . .”

“And?” I prompted.

“And I didn’t want to be alone tonight,” she breathed.