Kendall Ryan - When I Surrender

Removing my hand from her panties, I pressed a kiss to her parted lips and met her eyes. “Angel?” Disappointment flooded her pretty eyes. “How drunk are you?” She’d only had one drink plus the shot I’d made her try, but still, something told me she was unaccustomed to drinking.

She hesitated for a moment, blinking up at me. “Not drunk,” she breathed. “Don’t stop.” Her mouth crashed against mine in a hungry kiss and I was done questioning this.

Restraint urged me to keep her panties on but I couldn’t help lifting the baggy T-shirt she wore and kissing all over her breasts. Using both hands, I pressed her tits together and placed damp sucking kisses all over the rounded flesh, using my tongue to lick each taut peak until she was restless and moaning out my name. She smelled lightly of soap and fresh washed laundry and tasted even better. I was desperate to taste her all over and feel her warm soft skin against mine.

Creaking floorboards signaled that we weren’t alone just as I heard my name. “Knox?”

I tossed the blankets over McKenna to cover her naked chest and jumped up. “Tucker? What’s wrong?”

“My tummy hurts,” he groaned.

“Okay, buddy. Come on.” I led him into the bathroom, my heart pounding out of control. As soon as the toilet was in view, Tucker lurched over it and got sick. I stayed with him in the bathroom, sitting on the tile floor, just in case he got sick again.

A few minutes later, McKenna tapped on the bathroom door. I didn’t know if she’d wanted to hide the fact she was staying overnight, but she stuck her head inside the door to see if Tucker was okay. “You need anything? A glass of water, maybe?”

I nodded. “Sure, that’d be great.”

After a few minutes more, Tucker rinsed his mouth and crawled into my bed between me and McKenna. By that point it was nearly three in the morning and we were all exhausted. Tucker had insisted she stay and held her hand as he fell back asleep. I caught McKenna’s eyes as she lay on the far side of the bed, a sick little boy sprawled between us, and as I watched her in the dim light, she seemed to understand that this was my life. Her eyes on mine and the small smile on her lips was her silent acknowledgement that she accepted each part. From my broken past to my responsibilities with my brothers.  McKenna’s constant presence here showed me that she could handle not only the fucked up side of me, but also my role as a brother and a parent. It was a huge feeling of relief. Realizing I wasn’t alone for the first time in a long time, I feel into a peaceful sleep.

I had sent a quick text to Brian to let him know I wouldn’t be home last night. And to my surprise, he hadn’t replied. My phone had stayed eerily silent all night. A sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach.

After getting Tucker settled in his own bed with some dry toast and soda, Knox and I ventured to the kitchen where Knox set a pot of coffee to brew. I was working at the teen shelter today, but didn’t go in until mid-morning, and Knox, with a sick little boy home from school today, was taking the day off to look after him.

Sitting down at the breakfast table, I watched him work. He seemed completely at ease in the kitchen, and for a guy as big and strong as Knox, it was a bit of an anomaly. One I very much liked. His domestic nature, despite being a rugged bad-boy, was just another thing I loved about him.

Luke and Jaxon entered the kitchen and gave me only a brief strange look when they saw me and realized that I must have spent the night.  “Hey, McKenna.” Luke smiled.

“Hey, Luke.”

Jaxon grabbed an apple from the kitchen counter and began slicing it into chunks while simultaneously sizing me up.

“Fuck!” he cursed, dropping the knife and holding his finger up to inspect.

I jumped from my seat and crossed the room to where Jaxon stood. “Did you cut yourself?”

He shrugged, turning on the faucet to rinse his hand under cool water. “It’s nothing.”

“At least let me have a look.” I took his hand, all but forcing him to let me see. These boys were so brave, so independent, that they didn’t want to have to rely on anyone for anything. They’d been hurt so badly losing their parents. They were afraid to need anyone. The slice through the pad of his index finger wasn’t deep, but was bleeding pretty steadily. “I think I can bandage this up pretty quick, it doesn’t look too bad.”

“Nah, I’m okay. Luke, hit me with that paper towel.”

“Man-daid?” Luke asked, tossing a roll of paper towel across the kitchen to Jaxon.

Jaxon nodded and began wrapping several sheets around his bloodied finger.

“Man-daid?” I asked, watching their exchange.

“Yeah, like a Band-Aid, but for real men. Paper towel and duct tape.” Luke smiled, tossing Jaxon a roll of duct tape from a nearby drawer.

Jaxon used the tape to secure the paper towel in place. “See?” He held up the digit. “All good.”

I shook my head, giggling at their inventiveness. “What about your breakfast?” I asked, looking over at the discarded chunks of apple on the counter.

Jaxon shrugged. “I’ll grab something later.”

“Have a good day at school, boys.”

Knox met me in the kitchen where I was tidying up after the boys.

He scooped me up in his arms, wrapping me tightly in a hug. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a problem.” I liked helping, feeling useful like this.

“About last night.” His hand closed over mine, stopping me from wiping down the counter so I met his eyes. “Thank you for telling me about your parents.”

I nodded. I hadn’t wanted to tell him – not because I was set on keeping my past hidden, no, he’d been too open with me to do that. But because I knew he’d look at me differently once he knew. I’d seen it before – once people found out, their looks changed to ones of pity, of sadness. I couldn’t stand the thought of Knox looking at me like that. But instead he’d just pulled me close and let me cry big soggy tears that rolled down my cheeks and stained his T-shirt. It had been exactly what I needed.

“Let me check on Tucker one more time and then I’ll drive you home.”

“Okay.” I followed him up the stairs, wanting to say goodbye to Tucker myself.

We found him curled on his side, the trash can Knox had set next to his bed thankfully still empty.

“How ya feeling, buddy?” Knox sat down on the edge of his bed, handing him a stuffed teddy bear that had fallen to the floor.

Tucker wrapped his arms around the bear and closed his eyes. “The same. Tummy still hurts.”

Knox pulled the blankets up higher around Tucker’s shoulders. “I’ve got to take McKenna home and then I’ll be right back. You need me to get you anything before we go?”

Tucker’s eyes latched onto mine. He was like a mini-version of Knox, and even at eight years old, it was easy to see that he’d grow into a very handsome man, just like his older brothers. Seeing them together made my chest feel tight. Knox was so sweet, so gentle, and watching him care for his brother was the most wonderful sight. He was beautiful to me in that moment. It took me a second to realize Tucker was asking about me.

“Why does McKenna have to leave?” he asked, his features painted in confusion.

“She has to go to work today,” Knox explained.

“But you don’t, right?”

Knox shook his head. “I took the day off. I’m staying home with you today. We can watch a movie later if you want.”

I bent down and placed my hand on Tucker’s forehead, checking for a temperature. He didn’t seem overly warm. “I promise I’ll come back and check on you. Feel better, okay?”

He nodded, fixing on a brave face. “Bye, Kenna.”

“Nikki’s going to come over while I’m gone. Just in case, all right, buddy?”

Tucker nodded bravely.

Knox led the way downstairs and we dressed ourselves in coats and shoes, waiting by the front door for his neighbor Nikki.

Knox leaned closer, tucking stray strands of hair behind my ears. “I’m sorry we got interrupted last night. Maybe we can finish our conversation tonight?”

I wondered which part he was sorry got interrupted – our intimate moment or the conversation about my parents? I merely nodded my agreement. Moments later, his young neighbor Nikki let herself in the front door, her baby daughter Bailee balanced on her hip. The baby looked just like her mom – both were pretty with blonde ringlets and big blue eyes.  I wasn’t sure why, but I hadn’t realized his neighbor was gorgeous. She eyed me carefully while Knox took the baby so she could remove her jacket.

“Hi. I’m Nikki.” She offered me her hand.

“McKenna. It’s nice to meet you. Your daughter’s beautiful.”

She took the little girl back from Knox. “Thanks.”

I could tell there was something she didn’t like about seeing me here with Knox. She probably wasn’t used to seeing women here in his home, especially in the morning hours, and I briefly wondered if they’d ever had a fling.

“Tucker’s upstairs in bed,” Knox said. “I’d just stay down here if I were you. Keep both of you away from the germs.”

Nikki nodded. “I will.”

She crossed the room, sat Bailee down on the rug in the living room, and dumped a nearby basket of toys out in front of her, then planted herself on the couch with the TV remote. The twinge of jealously brewing inside me was unexpected. I knew Knox’s past and worked hard to not let it get to me, but something about seeing this girl in his home, somewhere she was obviously quite comfortable, set me off. I pushed it from my mind as Knox led the way out to his Jeep.