“Yes and no. About before, yes. About now, not exactly.”

“So you’re doing the honorable thing before you and she—”

“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I don’t…we don’t have any plans for anything.”

“You’re going to stop seeing me because of a high school crush?”

Rachel’s tone was more incredulous than angry. “And you’re not even pursuing

her?”

“I’m pretty turned around right now, Rach. I just don’t feel like I can be with

anyone.”

“Maybe you need to take some more time off. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“You mean emotionally all over the place?” Leslie knew she always appeared to

be in control because she always kept her emotions so tightly under wraps. But

now she couldn’t. She couldn’t push the memory of Dev away, or what she felt

for her, or what she didn’t feel for Rachel. She couldn’t go back to being

completely focused on work and contenting herself with a casual sexual

relationship. Part of her mind was always thinking about Dev. About where she

was. What she was doing. If she was with Natalie. If she was happy. If she

missed Leslie as much as Leslie missed her.

“A few weeks off won’t change anything,” Leslie said gently.

“And it doesn’t feel fair to keep seeing you when I feel this way.”

“You can’t be happy about this.”

Leslie closed her eyes for an instant, then smiled weakly. “I’m not, but it’s what

I have to do.”

“We have an excellent physical relationship, and we enjoy each other’s

company. You’re not seeing anyone else, and neither am I.”

Rising, Rachel set her glass down and glided over to Leslie. She cupped her jaw

and raised her head. “Why give this up?”

Leslie felt the familiar pull of Rachel’s mouth moving over hers,


those long Þ ngers caressing her neck, a warm hand cupping her breast.

Her nipple hardened in Rachel’s palm and she heard Rachel’s murmur of

approval. Carefully, she eased back, breaking the kiss and the caress.

“My heart’s not in it, Rachel. And I need it to be. I’m sorry.”

Rachel straightened. “I’m not going to wait.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Leslie stood. “I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“But,” Rachel said, running her Þ ngertip along Leslie’s jaw, “I think it might

take me quite some time to Þ nd anyone I enjoy as much as you, especially in

the bedroom. So call me, if you decide you miss it.”

“You can call me too,” Leslie said softly, knowing Rachel wouldn’t. Rachel

didn’t have friends, she didn’t have time. She had colleagues to challenge her

mind and a lover to satisfy her body. Leslie doubted Rachel would go long

without Þ nding someone else. She burned too fast and too brightly not to have

her needs met. “I’m sorry.

I hate hurting you.”

“I know, darling.” Rachel’s eyes were cool, her expression remote.

“I’ll miss you, but I won’t suffer. If I were the kind of person who did, you

probably wouldn’t be leaving.”

Leslie said nothing. If she’d thought Rachel would be devastated, she still would

have found a way to say goodbye. She wasn’t doing either of them any favors

pretending that what they had was enough for her. And no matter what they

shared, it wouldn’t be enough to keep her from wanting Dev.

“Take care, Rachel,” Leslie said, walking with her to the door.

Rachel collected her briefcase and keys. “I’ve never known you to be a

coward, Leslie. If you love the woman, for God’s sake, do something about it.”

“Thank you, Counselor,” Leslie said, smiling ß eetingly. “I’ll take that under

serious advisement.”

“You should, because I’m never wrong. Goodbye, darling.”

When the door closed behind Rachel, Leslie returned to the living room and

picked up her wine. She sipped slowly, completely alone. It felt both liberating

and terrifying.


Dev slowed the park service truck at the mouth of a vacant campsite while

Natalie jumped off the running board, trotted down the dirt path to the clearing,

and checked that the Þ re was out in the Þ re pit.

She jogged back, hooked her arm inside the open window, and steadied herself

against the outside of the door. She grinned in at Dev.

“Only Þ ve more to go.”

“You didn’t tell me I was going to have to work for my dinner.”

“I did say you could stay back at the ofÞ ce and wait for me.”

“This saves time,” Dev said, turning onto the last loop of road that snaked

through the campsite. “Plus, if I waited there, I’d have to listen to Jimmy

complain about the heat.”

“Or the bugs.”

“Or the tourists.”

“Or—” Natalie laughed and hopped down as Dev slowed again.

When she climbed back aboard and they moved on, she peered through the

window again. “Hear anything from Leslie?”

Dev stared straight ahead. “No.”

“You haven’t called her?”

“No.”

“Going to?”

Dev shook her head.

“Should I ask why not?”

“Among other things, she’s got a girlfriend.”

“Ah.”

“This is your stop,” Dev said, braking.

Natalie checked the last few sites on foot while Dev followed along the narrow

dirt road. When she returned to the truck, she settled into the passenger seat

and slipped her hand onto Dev’s thigh. “I’m sorry.”

Dev glanced at her. “About what?”

“For bringing it up. I waited two weeks. I thought that was a decent interval.”

“It’s okay.” Dev pulled into the parking lot behind the ranger’s ofÞ ce. Two

weeks. It felt like two minutes. She could still feel the warmth of Leslie’s hand in

hers. She could still hear her voice, smell the subtle scent of her perfume. Leslie

was everywhere around her, but never anywhere as much as in her thoughts.

There was no time frame for missing Leslie. No beginning, and no end. It was

simply part of her life and had been for as long as she could remember.


“Hey. Don’t go drifting off, Dev. There’s nothing back there but pain.”

“I know,” Dev said. “I’m okay.”

“Not quite, but you will be.”

“Your friendship means a lot to me. Thanks.”

“Don’t even go there,” Natalie said. “We are friends. And that means you don’t

have to thank me.”

Dev grinned and backed into a parking space. “Yeah yeah.”

“And I’m still going to make a move on you.” Natalie leaned across the gearshift

and gently bit Dev’s earlobe. “But I’m going to give you a little more time to get

prepared. A day. Maybe two.”

Dev laughed. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Natalie patted Dev’s thigh. “Anytime.”

“I’m not in any shape to get involved, Nat,” Dev said quietly as they locked up

the park service vehicle.

“Can’t shake her?”

Dev shook her head. Leslie was always in her thoughts, in her dreams. Leslie

was in her blood.

“I could help.” Natalie grasped Dev’s hand as they walked toward her SUV.

“You do help.”

Natalie laughed. “I meant in a bit more active way.”

Dev laughed too. “I know.”

“So when I make a serious offer,” Natalie said, pausing before unlocking her

vehicle, “you can tell me if it’s what you want or not.”

“Nat,” Dev said gently. “I don’t want to mislead you. I don’t think—”

“Ah ah—you have to wait until I make my move to turn me down.”

Lifting her hands in defeat, Dev nodded. “Okay. And just so you won’t think

I’m running scared, I’ll tell you right now I’m going to be out of town for a

couple of days at the end of the month.”

“Oh yeah? What’s up?” Natalie unlocked the doors and they slid in.

“I’ve been scheduled on and off for the last four months to testify in a case

involving industrial contamination of a river upstate, and they keep rescheduling.

I just heard it’s Þ nally going to go.”

“So you’re heading upstate?”

“No,” Dev said quietly. “Actually, the trial is in New York City.”


“Oh.” Natalie glanced at Dev as she pulled out onto the highway.

“And?”

Dev shook her head. “And nothing.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, reaching for Dev’s hand. She squeezed it brieß y, then let

go. “My timetable still looks good, then.”

Dev smiled, but she feared that time alone would not be enough for her to forget

Leslie.


CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I’ll be out the rest of the afternoon, Steph,” Leslie said to her paralegal. “I’ll

check messages later and get back to you on anything urgent.”

“Finally taking a few hours off? You’ve been back a month and I think you’ve

been in here every day.” Stephanie Þ xed her with a reproachful frown and

lowered her voice. “Weren’t you supposed to be trying something new? Like

taking it easy now and then?”

Leslie leaned both hands on Stephanie’s desk and whispered back,

“I have been taking it easy. I’m out by eight every night.”

Stephanie shook her head. “That’s not exactly cutting back.”

“I feel Þ ne. I’ll be in court.”

“Wait!” Stephanie quickly scanned her calendar. “I don’t have you down for

anything. Did I forget something?”

“No.” Leslie shouldered her briefcase and started toward the door.

“I want to check out the competition.”