Weak Without Him

Weakness - 2

Lyra Parish

For my professors who thought I should do something creative with my life. I hope this counts.

Hearts live by being wounded.



Viva Las Vegas.

Sometimes I hated myself for being weak, for giving into Finnley Felton. Other times I reveled in his touch, in the fact that he wanted and had me. When I looked into his eyes, something inside of me snapped in to place, compacting every emotion, creating a wave of solitude knowing he had taken my virginity. Regardless of how much I pretended he took me, I willingly gave myself to him like the little whore I was meant to be. Finnley's whore and, truth be known, I would do it again, and again, and again.

Three pounds against my door tore me from a dreamless sleep. I swung it open and there stood Jesse with a bitch grin on her face. I cocked an eyebrow at her awkward happiness.

"You're due in Mr. Felton's office immediately. I know it's a struggle for you, but try to look presentable."


"Because you're fired."

Those words physically overtook her. At that moment I realized how much she really hated me.

"You're being released from your duties. Once the paperwork is signed at the office, it will be finished. No time for your shit. All of it will be packed and shipped to wherever you will be living. Termination effective immediately."

"I need to get dressed, at least. And exactly what did I do to be fired?"

I wanted to hear the words 'you fucked Felton' come from her mouth, and I smiled slyly as she pursed her lips to speak.

"You are being terminated for refusing Luketon Brand, deliberately disobeying orders, and for disrespecting Mr. Felton. I've had enough of you and so has he."

My eyes widened. That mother fuc—

I couldn't even finish my thoughts without her interrupting me.

"What are you waiting for? Get dressed, now."

"Shit," I whispered and stared as she walked away.

"Stand there and gawk longer than three minutes, and I will call security on your ass."

The look in her eyes combined with her evil bitch grimace and I knew she wasn't joking. I slammed the door and hurried into some blue jeans and a sweater. Great, I looked as frumpy as Charlie Brown.

Felton had seductively whispered 'you're fired', but I thought he was semi-joking. Now as the devil stared me in the face, I knew that he hadn't been. Not cool. Not cool at all. Although I didn't have enough time to grab my things, I stopped and knocked on Lori's door. She cracked it almost immediately. Sleeping beauty woke looking perfect.

"Oh, you're awake."

"I wasn't. I'm a light sleeper."

"I know, I know. Listen, I've been fired. Let's meet for lunch on Thursday. Keep your ears and eyes open."

"Fired for what?"

"Thursday. I've got to go right now. Jesse already threatened to have me removed from the premises if I lollygag."

"Why is she such a bitch?" Lori asked.

"Because she is the daughter of Satan? Gotta go."

I leaned in, gave her a tight squeeze around the neck, then took my time walking down the stairs. It was my last time to show Jesse that she wasn't Queen of The Elite kingdom. Bitch, I was.

I took in every detail of the house until I made it to the bottom step: the chandeliers, the painted pictures on the wall, the high ceilings. The only evil person that was happy to see me leave was waiting by the door: Jesse. I took in a deep breath as I passed her. She ate up every minute of my departure and probably wished the door would hit me on the way out.

Begrudgingly, I slid inside the limo that waited outside Felton Estates. Funny how just months ago I moved into the house, and now I was moving out. My life changed with a move and continued to warp with another. Unsettled should be my middle name. Even that would be better than Antoinette.

Jesse waited in the limo, and once I was inside Charlie slammed the door shut. As we sped down the drive, she sat with a Cheshire-cat grin on her face, but little did she know, I actually got the last laugh.

"I can't believe you denied Luketon Brand. You do understand that Felton had to fire you once you rejected Luke. You should have been fired after that little incident in your bedroom, but, I digress."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Oh, Mr. Felton gave me all the details."

I flushed.

"How you walked out on Luketon and refused to go through with it on Friday. You know, you should be happy that you aren't being sued for breach of contract with Mr. Brand and The Elite. But it's not over yet."

She didn’t know. Finnley had gracefully covered the fact that he swooped in and took my virginity. Forgetting to mention to her that he burst through the door like the Hulk and demanded I leave Luke's house. But why would he do that? Why wouldn't he want anyone to know? Was he embarrassed of me? I didn't know. We hadn't spoken since that night.

I knew he fired me because I mentioned love. But he started it.

Afterward, he had pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips. His smell encapsulated me and made every fiber of my body stand on end. No matter how close I was to him, I could never have enough.

After ten awkward minutes, Charlie opened the door with a smile outside the office building but quickly turned cold toward Jesse. I knew I liked him.

My heart raced as I entered the atrium of The Elite building. Sparkling glass windows surrounded me and allowed little slivers of sunlight to enter. In the elevator, Jesse silently laughed to herself. I rolled my eyes.

On Felton's floor, my breath caught as I looked at the golden plaque with his name neatly scribed across with perfectly curly F's.

Jesse knocked, and I heard his voice commanding us to enter.

Finnley Felton stood in a dark gray suit with a green tie, the exact color of his eyes. When I caught sight of him, my heart raced.

Calm down, Jennifer.

"Here she is as you requested. Eleven a.m. sharp," Jesse said to Finnley, so sweetly, so genuinely that I almost forgot she was a raging bitch.

"Fantastic," he said, then pulled a black folder from his desk drawer and motioned for us to sit.

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm the fuck down. But he stared, and his sex-messed hair urged my emotions wild.

Jesse continued to smile as Felton pulled out the termination letter. Glad I could make the devil happy.

"I need you to sign here and here, Jennifer"—he paused and the room froze for a brief second as we made eye contact—"and here. This one states that you will not go to the press or divulge information to competition. This last one states you've been released from your duties and are no longer property of The Elite."

I didn't say a word as I signed my name across the bottom. Jesse notarized the document after Finnley signed. It was done. I was no longer an Elite.

He closed the folder and placed it inside of his desk drawer. Jesse stood and eagerly waited to escort me from the premises.

"I never thought this day would come," she whispered to me as we walked toward the door.

"Jennifer, I would like a word with you please," Finnley said.

I stopped, and Jesse did too.

"Alone," he stressed.

Without a thought, I gave her the same grin she delivered to me all morning. She scoffed and crossed her arms.

"You've been dismissed, Jesse. Thank you."

With her fists in tight balls, she stormed out of the room. I sat in the chair across from Finn's desk. Jennifer Downs had the last laugh after all. I thought back to the first time I sat in this chair. Naked.

He interlocked his fingers and stared at me from the other side of the desk.

I stared back.

"So," he said.

"So," I replied.

We sat there for an awkward amount of time like high school kids who had a crush on one another.

"Oh my God, Finn. Just come out and say it."

"Excuse me?"

"Just come out and say it was a giant mistake. All of it."

Finnley stood and walked toward me. I stood as well. Once he was in front of me, I smelled his soap, his clothes, and everything that made him Finn. He ran his fingers through my hair then leaned in and brushed his lips so gently across mine that he stole my voice. Before I even muttered a word, we were kissing one another softly, taking our time, and I wished the moment would never end.

"I admit that I'm your occasional asshole, but what we did was not a mistake."

Then he looked at me as if he were waiting for me to agree. I contemplated saying something smart alecky, but I couldn't, not when he was looking at me with such a burning intensity.

"I don't think it was a mistake either," I said. Then I snaked my arms around his waist. "Are you embarrassed of me?" I asked into his chest.

He pushed me away from him and looked down into my eyes. "Embarrassed of you? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Why did you lie? Why did you tell Jesse I refused Luke, and you fired me for that reason?"

Luke; his name left a giant gaping hole in my heart. The thought of him that night, so sweet and vulnerable, never left me. It haunted me.

Finnley sighed. But I knew he wouldn't hold back. He at least owed me the answers to my questions.