Ryan Michele - Wanting You

Something shiny caught the corner of my eye, and turning, I see Sawyer, Kinsley, and the other woman dancing for us. The woman who I don’t recognize was wearing a top that sparkled in the lights; it was also tight as shit.

She was shaking her ass and her tits were bouncing all over, totally giving me a raging hard-on. Her eyes were closed, but she expertly mouthed the words to the music, not uncommon when we played covers. The only difference between her and others doing this was her plump lips were begging for me.

The lights flashing in my face were making it difficult to make her out. Fuck this. I needed to see who she was. Before I took my guitar off, Xavier thanked the crowd and the lights went down.

Hopping off the stage, I was immediately swarmed by women, which happened every time we wrapped up. Pushing the bitches off, I headed directly to the three women I wanted to talk to. Her fucking back was to me again.

“Hey, like the show?” My breathing was like I ran a fucking race.

Slowly, the woman turned around. Her long blonde hair draped down her arm, and fuck me she was beautiful. She had lips that I would kill to have wrapped around my dick.

Staring into her eyes, they were a beautiful blue-gray color. There was only one other person who I have ever seen with a similar eye color. The air instantly left my body as recognition hit, like bricks falling from the sky and landing on my chest. Fucking Vann.

“Vann?”

“Hey Deke. How are ya?” Her voice was exactly the same as all those years ago. Damn it. Why in the hell was she back here? She couldn’t be here. Thoughts of the last five years began to pull me in. I needed to get a grip. There was no way she was sucking me in. No fucking way.

Without another word, I did what I’d wanted to do for the last five years. Reaching my hand behind her head, I pulled her to me. Our bodies flush, Vann’s eyes were glazing over, and I knew she was affected. Good.

My lips slammed down on to hers—taking everything I possibly could out of her in that moment. She was hesitant, her lips not immediately joining in, but fuck that. I kept at it until she melted into me, clutching my shirt as if she needed an anchor to hold her in place.

I just kept pulling from her. I wanted to suck five years of missed kisses, time, and everything I lost the day she left, out of her. The kiss wasn’t sensual or loving. I was brutal, demanding, and I couldn’t help the anger that spilled from me.

I needed to get this out of the way. Pulling back, I looked into Vann’s slowly opening eyes, and said, “Goodbye Vann.” I then walked straight to my office, slamming and locking the door.

“FUCK!” I wanted to punch something, beat the shit out of something. Now. Why the hell did she come back here after all these fucking years? Why? There was no need for her to be here. And in my bar, no less.

A sudden banging on the door pulled my attention from my internal meltdown.

“Go the fuck away!” I yelled at the door.

“Deke, it’s Z. Let me in.”

“No,” I growled.

“What the fuck, dude?”

“Go get some ass. Leave me alone,” I barked.

“Let me the fuck in.” His voice was now irritated.

Stomping to the door, I threw it open. “What? And you’re not coming in.”

“What the hell happened out there? That chick you kissed left in tears.” A flash of sadness went through me, but I instantly shook it off. Fuck her, she deserved to cry.

I stared at him. “That was Vann, Z.”

“Oh. Shit.” The instant recognition in Z’s face showed me he knew who I meant.

“Yeah. Oh shit. Go away before I pound your fucking head in.”

“I need a drink.” Z turned and left me to myself.

“Me too,” I muttered to no one, slamming the door. Rummaging through my drawers, I found a bottle of tequila and began to drink … and drink … and drink. Fuck it.

The last time I saw Vann, we had sex by the docks. She was the only person I could talk to about the tangled mess that was my life. The next day, I get a fucking Dear John letter about how her mom was making her leave and how she was ‘so sorry.’ Fuck that. She had a choice.

Her Grams lived here this entire time. There was no fucking reason she couldn’t have stayed with her. She didn’t even like her mother, but yet went along with her and left me the fuck here. Alone.

Fuck Her. I slugged back more tequila in an attempt to clear my mind of Vann.

Waking up, my eyes felt heavy, and it was difficult to open them. I knew it had to be from the load of tears I’d shed the night before. The memories from the previous night flooded me, and the tears began to fall again.

Deke had kissed me goodbye. The significance of this was more than I could bear. He didn’t get to five years ago, and this was his way of finally shutting the door. I should have known he’d be pissed. I just didn’t expect to see him this hurt.

The first six months living with Aunt Tennie in California were terrible. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and I had no friends. No one. I was totally alone. My mom and aunt were either drunk or high and did nothing except occasionally give me money to get food because they had the munchies. I kept thinking it would get better, but I was dead wrong.

I missed Deke and my friends, but my mom kept telling me Deke would have moved on soon after we left and crying over some man was pathetic. A guy like him wouldn’t wait around.

I called Sawyer and Kinsley constantly, but my calls to Deke were never returned. I didn’t give up, but nothing ever came from any of my efforts. I was beyond hurt he didn’t answer—I was crushed. I just assumed my mom was right—I never meant anything to him.

His reaction to me last night was not what I had expected. When I thought about it, I didn’t know what I expected. I knew I wanted him back in my life, but his dismissal at Sully’s showed me exactly where I rated in his eyes.

Seeing him up on stage sent me into a tailspin. I watched as his muscles rippled each time he moved. Not to mention I wondered when he learned to play like that. I loved all the covers they sang and was mesmerized by the ones I didn’t know. He was absolutely gorgeous up there. No longer the boy that I knew, he was all man now.

While his hair was a bit darker than the light blond it once was, it was unruly and begged to have a woman’s hands in it. There was no doubt in my mind that he worked out. His arms were like tree trunks—strong. My imagination went a bit wild about what was under that black tee he was wearing. His tattoos damn near made my mouth water. I’d always written about men with tattoos, but seeing his in person caused a whole new kind of reaction. Deke’s left arm from wrist to elbow had three black abstract stars, varying in size. Above the stars, partially hidden by his sleeve, was another that appeared to be a tribal tattoo, but with words that I was unable to read from where I stood. At that moment, I wanted to explore each one.

When the set ended, I about lost my shit when I heard his voice. Once he was able to take his eyes off my body—mostly my chest—he looked in my eyes. Blue-gray on blue. I knew the moment he saw them he would recognize me.

And then the kiss happened. Holy shit could that man kiss. I was too caught up in the way his lips moved to even have a reasoning bone in my body. I tried to resist, but turned into liquid in his arms. This was what I had wanted for so long, and suddenly it was happening.

He stopped, his eyes turning cold as ice before the deadly blow: ‘Goodbye Vann.’ I never thought two words could hurt so badly.

After getting my sorry ass home, Sawyer and Kinsley took me up to my room where I shooed them away. I didn’t want anyone around. I needed some space. I cried—for leaving, for my mother guilting me into leaving, for my mother’s drinking, for my father’s stupidity. I cried for Deke.

At some point, I finally cried myself to sleep.

Waking up to two women bouncing on my bed was not the way I wanted to start my day. I needed to remember to lock the damn door. “What do you want? I’m tired,” I moaned at them.

“What do you want to do today?” Sawyer asked.

“Nothing. Sleep.”

“Stop that shit right now. Who gives a shit about Deke? You can do so much better than that man-whore.”

My eyes shot to Kinsley. I should have known she wouldn’t let last night slide. “Drop it.”

Plopping back down, I wrapped myself in a cocoon of blankets, but they didn’t stay on me long as Kinsley ripped them off.

“Damn it!” I yelled.

“I’m sorry, Vann,” Sawyer’s voice came out in a whisper.

“Don’t be,” I said as I tried to pull the pillow in front of my face, but Kinsley stopped me.

“Yeah, don’t be. She knew what could happen, and it’s done. Now let’s find some fresh meat!” Kinsley always had a way to make me smile even when I didn’t want to.

“Ha. Ha.” Blowing out a deep breath, I said, “Look, I knew that he might have this reaction. It just hurt. I’m gonna give myself today to have a Vann pity party, and then I’ll be good. Okay?”

Sawyer and Kinsley looked at each other, but Kins spoke, “Nope, you have the morning. This afternoon, we are getting manis, pedis, and going to lunch. So get your shit together.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled, pulling my covers back over me. Hearing the door close, I allowed the final tears that I was going to cry over Deke flow out of me. For five years, all I had thought about was getting Deke back in my life. Now, he was really gone.