Her gaze locked with his. “But you’re thinking it.”

“I think I’m hungry. And it’s been a long day. And you need to eat so we can get back over to the hospital and find out about your test.”

She eyed her plate. Why had she ever thought finding the answers would make a difference? Now all she wanted to do was turn back the clock, forget about what had already happened.

Ryan’s hand closed over hers again. “Babe, don’t,” he said softly. “Let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?”

With a nod she picked up a french fry and swallowed back the fear as she tried to eat.

* * *

Kate crossed her arms over her chest and stared out at the buildings from Dr. Murphy’s office. Afternoon sunlight glinted off wood and stone. Ryan sat in a chair near the doctor’s oak desk, waiting. She could all but feel the stress and worry seeping from him, recognized it in her too. Patience had never been her strongest attribute, and it seemed like the past few days, waiting was all she’d done.

Ryan stood when the doctor entered and shook his hand. Kate joined him at the desk.

“Well,” Dr. Murphy said. “Let me start by saying we got all the images we needed.” He pulled up her brain scan on the computer and swiveled the screen so they could see.

He tapped the screen. “This is the area we’re most concerned with. It appears the injury happened to this section of the brain, where memory and personality are developed. My guess is a hematoma of some sort, judging by the craniotomy incision along your scalp, Kate.”

“Not a tumor?” Ryan asked.

“No. No indication of one. There’s definite damage to the skull, which indicates an accident or trauma of some kind.”

That didn’t make sense. Kate rubbed her scar. Why would she have been given a cancer drug if she’d never had cancer in the first place?

“The memory loss is a tough one,” Dr. Murphy went on. “This portion of the brain deals with memory, so if she suffered a major impact, it’s possible that might be responsible for her amnesia now. However, most retrograde amnesiacs remember something, however trivial, from their childhood. Amnesia tends to be concentrated around the time of accident, sometimes erasing whole years of memories, but rarely an entire lifetime. Kate’s case is pretty unique.”

“What about the drug?” Ryan asked. He and Dr. Murphy had discussed her situation earlier, and Ryan had given him a copy of the chart they’d found at the nursing home.

“Well, as you know, I can’t speak about that until we know more. Tabofren was never studied in a clinical setting in the U.S. I do remember reading something about a similar drug a while back in a medical journal—some study going on up in Canada—but I can’t remember the specifics. In any case, it’s possible if it was being administered while she was in a coma, it might have amplified her memory loss from the accident.”

Dr. Murphy flipped through her chart. “It looks like you weren’t given Tabofren for at least six months after the accident.”

“I was pregnant.”

“At least someone had the good sense not to give it to you during a pregnancy,” the doctor said. “There’s no telling what an experimental drug like that would have done to a fetus. Your child doesn’t show any symptoms?”

“No.”

“I’d like to have Reed tested, just to be safe,” Ryan cut in, glancing at Kate. When she nodded, he looked back at the doctor. “What are the chances she’ll get her memory back?”

“At this point? I wouldn’t count on it. It’s been almost two years, and she hasn’t remembered anything yet. You’ve been back in San Francisco, what, a month, Kate?”

“Yes, about.”

“And in that time, any memories?”

There were feelings. Mostly déjà vu feelings, but those weren’t memories. She shook her head.

Dr. Murphy nodded. “Sometimes memories are triggered by familiar faces and locations. If that hasn’t happened yet, I’m not overly optimistic it’s going to.”

That wasn’t a surprise to Kate. She hadn’t expected to remember anything. One look at Ryan, though, and she saw he’d been hoping for different news.

She willed herself not to let Ryan’s disappointment affect her. “What about now? Am I in the clear, or should I be worried about any long-lasting effects?”

Dr. Murphy leaned back and brushed a hand over his bald head. “I wish I could give you a better answer. The reality is, we just don’t know. Your scan looks fine now. I don’t see anything that would cause concern. However, you received an experimental drug, and we don’t know what that might do to you down the line, if anything. For now, I wouldn’t worry too much, just be cautious of any changes you experience.”

“But I’m not totally in the clear. That’s what you’re telling me?”

He leaned forward, his face softening. “You could be hit by a car and killed tomorrow, Kate. Worrying about what might happen isn’t going to change anything. But you’re high risk. I wouldn’t ever forget about that fact or pretend it isn’t an issue, because it is. My advice would be bi-yearly checkups at this point, unless something changes.”

Ryan nodded, glanced at Kate. “That’s doable.”

Doable but not what she’d been hoping for. She would always worry. Every time she mixed up colors or numbers like she still so often did, she’d worry it was something more.

Dr. Murphy rose, and she and Ryan followed suit. Ryan thanked him.

“No problem. Set up an appointment for your son on your way out. We’ll just make sure everything’s fine with him as well.”

“Thank you.” Kate followed Ryan out the door.

When the elevator door slid closed behind them, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She could feel the relief in his body and the disappointment lurking beneath. “That’s good news,” he said into her hair.

Why didn’t he sound more sure? She rested her head against his chest, fought the urge to sink into him and let him be her strength. She wasn’t stupid enough to think there was any sort of happily ever after for them. Not when she knew what was going on between them was just physical, that it wasn’t strong enough to last.

When his lips grazed her temple, her eyes slid shut. He was warm and comforting, everything she needed right now. And it scared her to death.

“Yeah,” she whispered. So why didn’t she believe it?

“Something’s going right,” he said quietly.

She nodded in agreement. She wasn’t going to die of cancer. She might turn out okay even with all the drugs they’d pumped into her. But would she survive whoever was out there snuffing out research patients?

That was the question swirling in her mind now. That and what the hell she was going to do about the man next to her.

* * *

Kate let her head fall back against the headrest and closed her eyes. The rhythmic clicking told her they were still on the bridge, that in good traffic she had another twenty minutes to ponder the nightmare that was her life before they made it to the beach.

What she wanted was a long, hot bath, an enormous glass of wine, and solitude. What she had was Ryan Harrison. Seated next to her, he radiated tension and worry. And it only grated on her more.

Her cell phone rang, startling her out of her depressing musings. She reached into her bag and lifted it to her ear.

“Kate, is that you? It’s Simone.”

“Hey.”

“Where are you?”

“In the car, on the way out to Moss Beach.”

“Is Ryan with you?”

Kate’s gaze flicked sideways at Ryan’s tense shoulders as he turned the wheel of the Jag. “Yeah, he’s here.”

“I wasn’t able to find him. His secretary said he was out today, but that he had his phone on him.”

“He must have turned it off.” During the appointment with Dr. Murphy. When they’d been talking about her future. A future that didn’t look as optimistic as it had only a few hours ago.

“Regardless, I’m glad I found you,” Simone said. “I have news. We found Reynolds.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Facedown in his swimming pool in Houston.”

“Shit.”

Ryan’s gaze shot to her. She saw the questions in his eyes but glanced away. She couldn’t deal with his worry. Not yet.

“Yeah,” Simone went on. “Authorities are calling it an accidental drowning. He was bloated for two full days before the neighbors found him. Turns out he took an unexpected trip to Canada, just after Jake died. Neighbors didn’t even know he was back yet.”

“Oh, my God.” Kate closed her eyes.

“They’re not ruling out foul play, but at the moment, it doesn’t look like they have any leads.”

“How convenient.”

“Kate.” Simone paused again. “There’s more.”

She swallowed hard. Did she really want to know? No. She didn’t. “Tell me.”

“My PI has a lead on Walter Alexander. He thinks he’s found him up in Vancouver, BC. I’ve got some business in Seattle later this week. I think I might catch a flight up and see if I can find him.”

Panic coursed through Kate. “No. Don’t do that.”

“Relax, it’s no biggie. The firm won’t even miss me.”

“Simone, you don’t understand. Things are getting out of control. Don’t go up there. Just walk away.”

“Kate, I really don’t think—”

Ryan plucked the phone out of her hand. Her fingers clenched into a fist. Her jaw tightened. Anger and frustration at the entire situation welled inside her. As he listened intently while Simone relayed the information to him a second time, Kate closed her eyes and dropped her head back against the seat. If he wanted to take over, she’d let him. She couldn’t do anything about it. He had as much at stake here as she did. But his overbearing reaction was just one more reminder that he expected her to be the docile wife he remembered, and that wasn’t her.