Elisabeth Naughton - Wait for Me

“How convenient for you.”

He saw the hurt in her eyes, but he also saw the anger. That familiar independent spark that he had once both loved and hated. “You use that word, convenient, a lot. I seem to be a convenient target for you. If you’ve got something to say, Harrison, go ahead and say it.”

“Fine, I will. I don’t like you.”

She let out a sour laugh but didn’t smile. “Then we’re even because right now I think you’re an ass.”

He clenched his jaw to the point of pain, stared hard at her. At the woman who was still his wife. His wife, dammit. No one else’s. It didn’t matter that she didn’t remember him. It didn’t even matter that she hadn’t consciously married that rat bastard Alexander. All that mattered was that she’d let the asshole trick her into thinking she had. After everything they’d shared, she should have known in her heart the prick was lying to her. She should have known she belonged with someone else.

He left her standing in the sand. Knew she was right. He was an ass. A grade-A ass. But all he could think about was the fact she was wearing another man’s ring. That and the fact he had a son. A son she’d named after the son of a bitch.

A heart attack had to feel better than this. The wretched ache in Kate’s chest was worse than any physical pain she’d endured during or after her time in the hospital. And that was saying a lot considering she’d already died once.

Unable to bear it anymore, she slipped out of her office and made her way over to see Mitch. He seemed to be closer to Ryan than anyone else. Maybe he could tell her what she should do.

He was on the phone when she peeked her head around the doorjamb, standing near the window, tossing a baseball in the air. When he turned her way, she forced a smile she didn’t feel and waved.

Mitch motioned her in and gestured he’d be just a minute.

She checked out his office while he finished his conversation. Shelves were in various states of disarray. Field research lay scattered across his desk. A framed Mariners poster hung on one wall, and a bat leaned against a corner. A wry smile spread across her face when she realized this guy was a baseball freak.

Moving by his desk, she noticed the framed photo next to his computer. It was of her, Ryan and Mitch. She was standing in the middle, wearing a cap and gown, grinning from ear to ear. Mitch had his arm around her neck, sporting the same goofy smile, and Ryan was on her other side, his arm around her waist, a smirk across his handsome face.

She picked up the photo, ran her finger along the faces. Was it really her? It was like looking at someone else’s life. She didn’t remember the day. Couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out why they were all smiling.

“College graduation,” Mitch said softly.

“I see that.” She hadn’t even heard him end his conversation. “I guess it never occurred to me you’d have pictures. From before, I mean.”

“We have lots of pictures. I can get you some if you want. You can look through them, see if it helps.”

“I think I’d like that.” She set the frame down and drew in a deep breath. “I was hoping we could talk. If this is a bad time, I can come back.”

“No, this is a good time.” He glanced out the door. Kate didn’t miss the way his secretary was staring at them with suspicion. “Are you up for a walk?”

“Yeah.”

Mitch led her down to the lobby, slipped on his sunglasses. They headed toward the waterfront.

“I’m assuming you heard about what happened yesterday?”

Mitch slid his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I did. Are you okay? You don’t look very good.”

Her brow quirked. “No, huh? Well, I don’t feel very good. Nothing like having everything hit all at once. Ryan was a little ticked when he left.”

“Ryan has a temper,” he said as they walked into the park. “He doesn’t handle it well sometimes.”

“Well, that’s a surprise,” she tossed back sarcastically. “He wouldn’t even let me talk.”

“You’ve got to understand, this is really hard for him. He changed after you disappeared, shut down in a lot of ways.”

“Just what is your relationship?”

“He’s my best friend. He was before you two were even an item. But,” he added, “that doesn’t mean I won’t kick his ass when he’s being a jerk. Especially when it involves you.”

The determination in his voice made her smile. “Why is it so much easier for me to talk to you than it is to talk to him?”

“Because I’m your brother.”

Warmth closed around her heart. She’d never thought she had a brother.

“And I don’t want anything from you,” he went on. “Except to get to know you again, to be your friend. Ryan wants his wife back.”

She dropped onto a bench, a deep sigh escaping her lips. “I’m not his wife. I may have her body and her face and her voice, but I’m not her. Not inside.”

“Yeah, you are.” He sat beside her. “You just can’t see it because you don’t remember it. But you’re still her. Things you say, things you do, the way you carry yourself. You’re still ready to bite my head off when I disagree with you about geology.” She looked down at her hands and smiled. “And you have the same gentle spirit she did.”

“But I’m different.”

“Yeah, you’re that too. But it doesn’t mean you aren’t who you are now because of who you were then. People change all the time. If this whole situation didn’t change a person, they wouldn’t be human. Ryan’s different. I’m different. It makes sense that you, of all people, would be different.”

“He’s so cold. I can’t believe he was ever the sort of man you all describe. You and Simone, you make him sound so warm and friendly, but everything I’ve seen of him in the last week makes him look exactly like the cold-hearted, arrogant, ruthless tyrant the media makes him out to be. I can’t read him. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to.”

Mitch smiled. “That’s Ryan. He keeps his emotions closely guarded. But he wasn’t always like that.”

“What changed him?”

“Losing you changed him.” He shook his head when she looked away. “Ryan closed in on himself after we lost you. He exists for two reasons these days—to work and to take care of Julia. Nothing else in his life matters—not the money or the fame or the power. He only works as hard as he does because it’s a distraction from having to feel anything. It’s the game that keeps him going. If he lost it all tomorrow, he wouldn’t care as long as he had Julia. He’d just start all over. You have to understand that although he wants you to get to know Julia, the thought of losing her at all is terrifying to him.”

“I’m not trying to take her from him.”

“I know that,” he said softly.

“I feel like my life is split into two parts, the person I was before, and the person I am now. I don’t know how to blend them.”

“You’re trying too hard. It’ll happen when it happens. I know it’s hard. I know you think about her and you see Annie, and you think about yourself and you see Kate—two different people, two different lives—but deep down, they’re the same. You just need some time to figure it out.”

“And in the meantime, I’m just making a mess out of everything.”

He brushed a hand over her shoulder. “You guys will get through this. Give Ryan a day or so. Once he spends time with Reed, all of that anger about not knowing about him will slip away. Trust me, I know the guy. He’s hard as steel around the edges, but inside, he’s one big, gooey mess.”

“So I shouldn’t go see him today?”

“No way. He’s brooding today. You won’t get through to him.”

“I don’t know what difference a day will make. I just seem to set him off every time he sees me.”

“You think you didn’t set him off before?” He grinned. “You think you two never crossed sparks? You did all the time. It’s what made your relationship so fun to watch. He always thought you were too independent. It used to bug the hell out of him. Deep down, he feared you didn’t need him the way he needed you. I guess in some way, this is just the same old argument magnified about a thousand times.”

He reached for her hand, and she noticed their fingers were the same length. The same shape. His were thicker, more masculine, but their hands were similar. Worn. Weathered. Solid.

“He’s a good guy, Kate.” One side of his lips curled in a smirk as he studied her fingers, and the dimple she’d seen so many times in the mirror creased his cheek. “God, it’s weird to call you that. But I’ll get used to it. You just have to give him time too. This hurts him because he wants more from you than you can give him right now.”

She almost laughed. “He’s got beautiful women draped over him all the time. What could he possibly want from me?”

“You really don’t know?” There was amusement in his voice. “He wants you back.”

An ache settled in her chest. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give him what he wants.”

“You have to jump off that bridge when you get to it. In the meantime, think about Julia and Reed and how you’re going to handle them. That’s the most important thing at this point.”

“I know.”

He hesitated, then said, “You also have to understand that knowing you were married, that you were with someone else, it’s eating away at him.”

Frustration welled inside. “Well, that’s just great. He can go off with a different woman every weekend, but I happened to be in a committed relationship and I’m the one feeling guilty.”

“Ryan may date, but he hasn’t opened his heart to anyone since you left. I think the realization that you did is what’s making this so hard. He loves you as much as he did before you disappeared, and you don’t. That hurts him.”