“If I knew the answer to that question, this wouldn’t be so hard to take.”

He shook his head, looked down. “No. Nothing could make this easier.”

His words settled between them, his heartache over the situation hanging in the air. When he finally looked over at her she saw honesty and truth in those brilliant blue eyes. And a jolt ran through her, one she wasn’t prepared for.

“If I had known you weren’t on that plane, I swear to God I would have been looking for you.”

The determination in his voice shook her right to her core. Those fierce, unwavering eyes seemed to be looking all the way into her soul, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t break away from his gaze. It drew her, tugged at something that felt like it was awakening inside her. “I believe you,” she whispered.

He closed his eyes, then looked back over the water, breaking the spell pulling her under. “So, what do we do now?”

“I…I don’t know. Wait, I guess.”

“We already know the answer. I know it. You know it too, or else you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.”

A lump clogged in her throat, the realization hitting her that he was right. She shook her head. “I need to know for sure. Julia’s not going to want to have anything to do with me until we can prove it one way or the other.”

“She’s probably not going to want to have anything to do with you regardless of the outcome. She’s been through hell and back.”

A dull ache settled in her chest. She didn’t want that. She only wanted to make things better. For all of them. “I don’t want to hurt her, or you.”

“No matter what you do, it’s going to hurt us.” He stood and slipped his sunglasses back on. The glint of gold caught her attention as he moved, and for the first time, she noticed the ring on his left hand.

“We’ll deal with it when we know for sure.” His voice was no longer soft but hard and cold. “Until then, don’t try to go see her. She needs time to get used to this whole thing. Your hanging around would just confuse her more.”

Kate nodded, unable to make sense of the changes that came over him. She’d never experienced anything like it. One moment his voice was tugging on her heartstrings, and the next it was slicing through her, straight to the bone, sending chills up and down her spine. “Okay. I can understand that. Are you going to be okay?”

“Me? Yeah, I’m pretty much used to hell. I’ll get by.”

She watched as he walked away. But she didn’t feel any better than she had before. If anything, she felt worse. Talking with him had only proved he’d loved his wife a great deal more than she’d anticipated.

* * *

No file found.

Kate glared at the computer screen, the blinking cursor only accentuating the tension headache behind her eyes. Waves crashed outside on the beach. A gray drizzle slapped at the second-floor window outside her home office.

She should be keying in edits on an article that was supposed to be finished two days ago. Instead, she was running another search on Ryan Harrison.

So far, she’d found pictures of him cozied up to a black-haired vixen at some charity function. Another hit showed him with a blonde on his arm at a baseball game. And the National Star had a whole file of pictures of him with that voluptuous, redheaded model.

The man obviously got around.

“Mama?”

“Hmm?”

Why did she care? Just because he may have been her husband? That was stupid. She’d been married to Jake, after all. It wasn’t like she had a reason to be jealous.

But what did surprise her was that from all her research, his life had apparently changed after his wife had died. Before, he’d been vice president of a small pharmaceutical company. After, he’d branched out on his own, expanded, and made a killing in the field. Was it just a stronger work ethic since becoming single? Or had he used his wife’s life insurance money to expand his company?

Either way, he’d benefited immensely from Annie Harrison’s death.

Kate typed in AmCorp Pharmaceuticals and came up with their home page. She scanned the technical information. Mostly cancer drugs. Specialized cancer drugs that often were pushed through the FDA because of need and a promise of significant benefit.

“Mama,” Reed said from her feet where he lay on his belly on the floor next to her, playing with his Power Rangers, “I asked you something.”

She tore her eyes from the computer. “What, baby?”

“Where do you go when you die?”

Her fingers paused on the keyboard. Reed hadn’t once asked about death in the weeks since Jake’s passing. “To heaven.”

He rammed a red motorcycle into a black one, his gaze intent on the destruction he was causing. “You don’t come back?”

Oh, man. Of all the topics to bring up, he had to go for this one. Easing off her chair, she settled onto the rug next to him. “Who said you come back?”

“Michael at preschool says when starfish die, they come back to life.”

A smile tugged at her mouth. “Starfish can reproduce by something called regeneration. When an arm is cut off, a whole new starfish can grow out of it. It doesn’t mean they die, though, and then come back to life. Once a starfish dies, it’s gone for good.”

His sapphire eyes lifted to meet hers. Eyes, she realized, that were just like the eyes she’d seen on that computer screen. “To starfish heaven?”

A laugh escaped her lips. “Yeah, baby. To starfish heaven.”

He went back to his toys. “But you died and came back.”

Kate drew in a breath. How did he know that? Had Jake told him? “That was different. Reed, look at me.” His gaze lifted. So innocent and adorable. Her only link to her past life. The only thing she really had left. “Mommy’s heart stopped because of an…accident. The doctors started it again. It’s different from someone dying. When you die, you don’t come back.”

“Not ever?” Tears swam in his eyes.

An ache filled Kate’s chest. She knew he was thinking of Jake. A four-year-old shouldn’t be asking questions about death and dying. He shouldn’t have to go through losing a parent. But here he was, growing up much too fast, having to deal with things no preschooler should have to face.

She rubbed a hand across her chest. Surprisingly, the pain wasn’t for Jake like she expected. This time, it was for a family she didn’t know. For a man and his daughter who’d lost someone they loved deeper than she’d expected. All her research didn’t change that fact. She’d seen the heartache on their faces. Was Julia asking these questions? Wondering why her mother was back from the dead and what it all meant in the long run?

Shouldn’t Kate be the one answering them for her, trying to set some of this right?

“Mama?”

Reed’s voice drew her attention. Smiling, she ran a hand over his blond hair. If the tests came back positive, she’d have to tell Ryan about him. Dread coursed through her at the thought. What would he say when he found out he’d missed out on four years of his son’s life? That Reed thought of another man as his father? It would only make things worse.

She didn’t have answers to the questions swirling in her mind. And at the moment, she didn’t want to think of them. She just wanted to focus on her sweet son’s face and remember why she was here, why she was digging for information that she may never find.

“Yes, baby?”

“I love you.”

Her face softened, and she drew him into her arms and onto her lap. “I love you, sweetheart. More than you will ever know.”


Chapter Seven


“See that?” Mitch pointed across the ravine to a fan-shaped deposit of sediments marking a dried riverbed. “It’s an alluvial fan.”

“What causes that?” Julia asked with sincere interest.

Ryan fought the urge to roll his eyes. He’d taken the day off, unable to concentrate on much of anything besides the turmoil inside him, and headed up to the mountains at Mitch’s insistence. How the hell he’d let Mitch talk him into this, he didn’t know.

“Generally, a stream drags the sediments with it, depositing them at the bottom,” Mitch explained. “Sometimes a landslide can do it.”

“Give it a rest, Mathews.” Ryan used the back of his forearm to wipe the sweat from his brow.

“The kid likes it,” Mitch said, grinning at Julia.

“Does she?”

Julia smiled his way. “The kid does.”

“I don’t know what the hell’s in the Mathews’s gene pool, but whatever it is got passed down to her.” Ryan slapped a mosquito that landed on his arm. “Son of a bitch, I’m getting eaten alive out here.”

Mitch elbowed Julia. “He’s such a city slicker.”

They both laughed.

“Enough playing in the dirt today,” Ryan announced. “I’m filthy and tired. Let’s head back.”

“Dad, you’re such a party pooper.” Julia caught up with him and grabbed his hand. He slung an arm over her shoulder as they headed down the path. Behind them, Mitch continued to shout out geologic markers they passed.

“See what you started?” Ryan mumbled.

Julia giggled. “Imagine what he’s like on a date.”

“That’s why he doesn’t date much.”

“What the hell are you two talking about up there?” Mitch hollered.

“Nothing,” Ryan shot back.

“Just the native dating rituals.” Julia giggled again.

“Or lack thereof,” Ryan added under his breath.

“You two are a bunch of comedians,” Mitch said. “Just so happens I’ve got a hot date tonight.” He winked at Julia as they climbed into his dusty Land Rover. “It’s more than I can say for your dear old pop here.”