You know why I didn’t stay and why this can’t work. Still, as I sit here writing this, I know I would do it all again for just one more kiss from you.

No one ever told me that loving someone would feel like you were giving up every last part of yourself, but that’s how I feel, Addison. From the second I saw you, I was done. I gave it all to you.

Something about you called to me, and I have never regretted you, even as I questioned us.

But, Addison, I’m going away, and I won’t be coming back—not ever.

You need to move on. Find a way to be free of your monsters because remember, they will devour you. Just like mine has devoured me.

I ask one thing of you before I go. Please understand that you were never my monster.

You, Addison, will always be my Psyche.

Love G.M

Gone…

He was gone.

Balling up the paper, I lay down with my cheek pressed to the grass covering Daniel and felt what was left of my heart shatter.

Everyone who truly loved me was gone, and as I gazed at the beautiful purple flowers surrounding his headstone, I made a decision.

I would go too.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Present…

Tick, tick, tock.

The clock is loud in here, not because I’m anxious, but because the silence is deafening. It’s been a little over seven hours. In fact, as I look at the clock, I realize it’s been seven hours and fifteen minutes since I began.

Studying my final answer, I mark the page and sit back.

I did it.

I feel a smile cross my lips as I realize I’ve kept my promise, providing of course I pass, which I’m certain I did. The answers had seemed to come easy as I’d been writing them.

I reach into my pocket and pull the pen out.

It was good luck—just like I knew it would be.

As I sit there waiting for Doc to arrive, I think about all of the things I want to do when I leave here tomorrow.

Feeling impulsive for the first time in a long while, I reach out and grab the scrap paper beside me. I remove the lid of the pen and write, Things I want to do, across the top.

But nothing happens. My good luck pen doesn’t work.

I scratch it across the paper several times and still nothing.

I shake it, trying to get ink down into the tip and then realize this type of pen takes cartridges. Gripping the black plastic beneath the golden nib, I twist it open to see if the cartridge is empty. As it comes apart, I tilt it into my hand and watch the contents slip free.

Suddenly, the clock on the wall goes silent, and time once again stops as I stare at what is now in the palm of my hand.

* * *

Past…

Lights.

Bright white lights were all I could see as my eyelids fluttered open.

One, two three. One, two three—it’s back.

I tried to raise my right arm but it felt heavy, as if it were made of lead, and when I looked down to see why, I saw an IV needle protruding from my skin.

Squinting against the brightness, I looked around the quiet, sterile room, taking in my surroundings.

“Hello, Addison.”

Doc.

My throat burned as I swallowed and tried to speak, but nothing came out.

Doc walked over to me and shook his head. “No, don’t push yourself. There will be plenty of time to talk later.”

Later?

There wasn’t supposed to be a later. I was supposed to be…wait—a hospital? I was in a hospital.

One, two three.

How did I get here? How did they know where to find me?

I had so many questions, but I didn’t ask any of them. Instead, I closed my eyes.

None of it mattered.

I was still here, and he was still gone.

Nothing had changed.

* * *

“Addison…Addison?”

I could hear my mother’s voice as I once again opened my eyes. When I saw her standing by my bed, I wondered how much time had passed since I last woke.

“Addison? You need to wake up, young lady. These men want to ask you some questions.”

I looked at the door where the two men were standing. One was dressed in a drab grey suit and tie and the other wore a police uniform.

What were the police doing here?

“Good morning, Addison.”

I really wished people would stop calling me that. He used to call me that.

“I’m Detective Lawson, and this is Officer Davidson. We have a few questions for you.”

I wondered if I wished hard enough, if they would disappear. But then the Detective said something that captured my full attention.

“When was the last time you saw or had any contact with Grayson McKendrick?”

Why were they asking me this? How long had I been in the hospital?

“I know you’ve been a patient for a little over a week, but we need to talk to him, and he’s nowhere to be found. I’m sure you can understand why we are here, Miss Lancaster.”

One, two three. One, two three.

Couldn’t find him? What did they mean?

My mind felt foggy as I tried to remember—tried to catch up.

“We’ve had no luck reaching him on his phone, at the school, or at his home. His truck is gone, and his neighbors haven’t seen him for days.”

I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“When we searched his house, we found something you may understand better than us. Do you feel well enough to look at it?”

I didn’t, but I was too curious not to, so I nodded. He passed me a plastic baggie with a piece of paper inside, and when I read the words, I felt my stomach turn.

I went without struggle as I tasted the Queen of Poisons.

“So? Does that mean anything to you?”

Maybe...but nothing I wanted to talk to them about.

What did Grayson mean when he wrote that? What had he done?

“Addison?” My mother’s sharp voice cut through my thoughts.

I’d forgotten she was even in the room.

“If you know something, you need to tell these men.”

I didn’t need to tell them shit, and I knew she could sense my contempt. She looked away from me and refocused her attention on the police in an attempt to explain away my behavior.

“Addison’s been through quite an ordeal. She hasn’t spoken since she woke. Maybe it’s best if you give her some time to think about it?”

Think about it?

I didn’t want time to think.

What did he mean, he’d tasted the Queen of Poisons?

The flower or…me?

In the end, it didn’t even matter.

He was gone, and I would never see him again.

I couldn’t fathom the thought and didn’t want to think at all.

One, two, three.

* * *

Present…

Sitting in the small library, all I can hear is ringing in my ears as the blood rushes to my head. There in the palm of my hand is a small, square negative.

An old-school film negative.

I close my fingers into a loose fist, knowing that whatever this is...whatever secrets were inside this pen—his pen—they are meant for me.

What is the picture?

I have to get the print. I need to know.

There is one thing I’m now sure of. He didn’t leave me that day.

He freed me.

* * *

Past…

“I know you’re awake, Addison.”

Doc.

I shifted my head on the pillow and saw him walk into my hospital room.

“They’re going to transfer you to the Pine Groves Psychiatric Facility in the morning, did you know that?”

Choosing to keep my mouth shut, I watched as he walked farther into my room and pulled a chair beside my bed.

One, two three. One, two, three.

“Your mother had them admit you for thirty days.”

Fucking great.

Maybe I’d feel better about it if she were doing it because she was worried—but she wasn’t. She was worried about what her high society friends thought of her.

Oh, there goes Mrs. Lancaster. Did you hear her daughter slept with that teacher and then tried to kill herself? No wonder they put her away.

“I agree with this decision,” Doc said, breaking through my thoughts.

My eyes widened in surprise at the betrayal of a man I once believed was my ally. As he reached out to me, I snatched my hand away.

“Come on, Addison.”

I wished he would stop calling me that.

Doc never called me Addison. I was always Addy.

“We were lucky we found you the other morning. I think this is for the best right now.”

I had nothing to say.

Apparently, I was the only one left to protect me, so I would retreat.

I would hide until it was safe again for me to come out—no matter how long that took.

* * *

Present…

“All done?”

I turn to see Doc walking through the door of the library. After sliding the negative back into the pen, I slip it into my pocket and stand.

“Yes. All done.”

Doc’s smile is contagious as he beams proudly and places his hands behind his back. “Good, Addy. That’s terrific. How do you feel?”