The tears flowed freely now and the petite woman got up and walked down to the desk in the hall. Taking out a piece of stationery, she picked up the pen and poured her heart out into words that she hoped the surgeon would accept. Done after only a few minutes, Danni folded it noticing the few tearstains that had been left on it. She placed it next to Garrett’s mail for the surgeon to find.


She returned to her room, finished packing, and left. There would be no need to stall for more time now. What she dreaded for so many months was over and done with. It was time for healing, and then she would have to move on with her life, if she could.


Chapter 13

The last week of her Fellowship year slid by before Garrett Trivoli knew it. The days were filled with rounds, answering trauma calls, and occasional cases in the O.R. Things that she loved doing, but somehow now, without the bubbling, blonde nurse, the surgeon was just passing time with. She couldn’t believe how much one person had changed her whole outlook on life.


Often during a free moment, the surgeon thought about how she had left so abruptly, saying good-bye to Danni with nothing more than a hug and a few mumbled words of thanks for all that the nurse had done and been to her. She was ashamed for it, knowing that the blonde-haired nurse with the heart of gold deserved more. The surgeon had found the note placed by her mail slot when she had returned home later that night. It made her think that Danni had more on her mind to say when they parted than she had been allotted time for. Maybe that was why the surgeon kept putting off reading the note that Danni had left, afraid that it would blast her for it. Then Garrett would reason out that Danni could never do anything of the like. In fact, that knowledge made her not want to read the letter at all, at least not while she was still in Pittsburgh. That was why she left it in her mail slot, to be taken out with the last of her belongings.


It was Thursday and nearing the end of the day when Garrett received word during an appendectomy case that Dr. McMurray would like to see her. The surgeon planned to finish her case and once her patient was in the Recovery Room, she’d stop by her mentor’s office. ‘He probably wants to wish me well,’ she reasoned, knowing that he was headed out for a long weekend with his wife. She continued on with her procedure in the sterile environment.



* * *

McMurray was standing, his back to the door when he heard the brisk knocking on it. "Come in," he yelled never taking his eyes from the sights outside of his window. He pondered how to approach the subject that was on his mind. He thought about how well the surgeon performed her job with the petite nurse at her side. They were a crack Flight Team; why wouldn’t that extend to their personal lives? They always seemed to look out for one another, taking on the other’s battle as if it were their own. He could see the love in their eyes when they were together. ‘Just like the love that I still see in my wife’s eyes when she looks at me now.’ The Ol’ Cutter couldn’t understand why the surgeon wanted to leave. She could have it all and keep contact with the friends that she had made. ‘It’s almost like you’re leaving for another reason. Perhaps to distance yourself from someone?’


The door slowly opened, revealing the tall surgeon. "You wanted to see me, sir?" After closing the door behind her, she strode into the room, taking up a position near the desk. She wondered if he had heard her enter, he never moved a muscle, just stood there staring out of the window.


After a few moments, he nodded his head, as if in deep thought, then turned to address her. "Dr. Trivoli…Garrett," his eyes softened when they met hers. "Have you ever felt like you were caught between a rock and a hard place?"


Her eyes narrowed as she regarded his question. "Yes, sir, I have." Her eyebrow rose as she continued. "I’ve found either way you are damned if you do or damned if you don’t." She could sense that something was on his mind. She was pretty sure that whatever it was involved her.


Sighing, he nodded in agreement to her statement, as his fingers absently played with the picture frame on his desk. He made his mind up; he saw no reason to beat around the bush. McMurray had always thought of the skilled surgeon as a straightforward person and would treat her in the same manner. "You’re really set on heading to Arizona aren’t you? I suppose that they offered you everything under the sun and then some."


"It met my needs." The woman answered without batting an eye. ‘Far enough away and with enough work to keep my mind off of Danni.’


He took in a breath. Without allowing her time to answer further, he began speaking again. "You know in another 4 or 5 years, I’ll be looking for someone to take my place as Chairman of Trauma Services. We could’ve illuminated your career during the next few years, making you one of the most renowned authorities on trauma. That way no one would be able to dispute you replacing me when the time came. That is, if you would have chosen to stay here, under me." He looked her straight in the eye and waited for her reply.


She stood shocked at what he was offering her. "I…I hadn’t really considered staying, sir." She gulped. "I’ve been a little preoccupied lately, I guess." Her thoughts turned ever so briefly to the reason, allowing her face to blush. She chastised herself for letting her emotions come to the surface. She was losing control again and fought to regain it. Pursing her lips to speak, she was cut off before she could start.


"So," he barked. "Does the object of your affection know about it yet, or are you going to keep it all to yourself, Dr. Trivoli?" The Ol’ Cutter sniffed as he searched her face for an answer. "Hmmm, I can see that you haven’t even discussed it with yourself, let alone that person." He eyed her with disdain. "Or if you have thought about it, you think that you know what’s best."


"But, Sir, it’s not that easy." Her eyes darted on and off of his face as she tried to find the words. "There are a lot of things to consider before I…"


"Before you what? Let love pass you by." He looked at the photo that he now was holding in his hands. His eyes falling on those of his wife’s in the picture. "Sometimes you only pass by once in life before the world takes you in another direction." He put the frame back down on the desktop. "Don’t live the rest of you life wondering what life would have been like."


‘I know that from experience. Thank God, I came to my senses after only a year, and what a year it was, filled with anger and heartache.’ He eyed her suspiciously. "You aren’t trying to be gallant and not let your feelings be known, are you?"


Garrett closed her eyelids, trying desperately to hold back her resolve. She mustered up all of her energy to resume her display of the stoic mask she had used so many times before. Her eyes burned deep into his. "I’m afraid, sir, that you are correct. I’m not sure that my feelings would be well received, anyway." Her voice trailed off in thought.


"This person," he paused. "They’re not already married, are they?"


Her face registered shock at the thought of breaking up a marriage. "NO!" She protested. "I could never…"


"All right then." McMurray abruptly turned back to gazing out the window, deep in thought. Suddenly it all became clear to the man. ‘Perhaps Dr. Trivoli, you just need to know where I stand.’ After a moment, his voice turned mellow as he spoke. "You know that things are viewed a lot differently today than they were in my day."


Her eyes grew big in realization of what he was alluding to. She muttered under her breath, fearing that he could read her thoughts. "I can’t believe that it wouldn’t be an issue, an obstacle to some."


"Dr. Trivoli let me remind you, when an injured patient comes seeking help, they don’t care whether you are a left handed surgeon or a right handed one. All that they care about is that you are able to help them, to heal them and make them as whole as possible. Why do you think that it will matter who you have beside you in your life’s path?" His brow furrowed in thought and anger both at her insecurity and her bullheadedness to realizing what her heart was telling her all along.


"I know how some people are. They wouldn’t understand." Her eyes were cast down to the floor.


"I’m sure that anybody you operated on would rather know that in this day and age of devastating, deadly diseases, the surgeon with her hands inside of them is engaged in a monogamous relationship. No matter who that relationship was with."


Garrett’s mouth dropped open at the candor with which the man spoke.


"Hell, you’d have to be a fool to take chances on someone that wasn’t. Now, don’t think that I feel that every patient needs to know your private life, I don’t," he barked. "At least you could answer that question if it were ever an issue. You’d be able to assure them of your complete and undeniable dedication to your partner, putting their minds at ease."

Unsure, she answered. "I just never thought…"


Turning quickly, his gaze pinned her in place tighter than if he had used a hammer and nails to do the job. "Then you’d better think about letting the other person know what’s in your heart or you’ll lose her for sure, before you know it." He shook his head as he thought aloud. "I can’t understand how you can be such a damn good trauma surgeon and not be able to take control of your own life." A sigh of disgust could be heard as it left his mouth. "I would have thought that you could have learned more while you were here with us, Trivoli, but I guess I was wrong." The Ol’ Cutter shook his head in frustration. "I suggest that you would at least be woman enough to confront the other person and see where they stand before you throw it all away." He turned and walked over to the window again, his back remaining in her view. "Now, go and think about what I’ve said. You’ve got a lot of things to consider before you plot out the rest of your life."