The surgeon cast her eyes down to her right hand. There she could see the petite fingers and thumb clutching onto her. The warmth that it brought with it seemed to invade and pulsate outward into the drained woman. Like a tiny battery it began its charging of Garrett’s depleted soul. ‘She’s wormed her way into my grasp just like she wormed her way into my heart.’ The surgeon could feel her heart warming and the love being poured into it. ‘To be there for someone when they are down? When there is no one else to stand by you? Is this what love is really all about?’


Garrett sighed. ‘Sex, is that all everybody ever thinks about? Is that all that love is really about?’ Hell, she was not a stranger to the mechanics of making love. ‘No,’ she thought, ‘not love, but rather the act of sex, itself.’ She was a doctor, for gods’ sake. They had made her well aware of anatomy and its uses in medical school, even in her early level biology courses. Then, who could forget the health classes that were a part of her high school years? They were all meant to prepare her for life…for love, whatever that was. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, a single thought raced through her mind. ‘Am I in love?’ Terror gripped her heart causing her eyes to widen, allowing the whites to show completely around the shimmering blue. ‘I’ve just learned…I’m still learning to be a friend. How could I possibly be in love?’ She fought back her fear. The idea of being intimate, that close to someone, letting that person know you sometimes better than you know yourself scared her. They said that you lost all control when you were in love, and control was one thing that the surgeon loved to be in. ‘Besides, who would I possibly be in love with…Danni?’


The surgeon lifted her eyes to gaze at the woman next to her. The concern and thoughtfulness of Danni’s small action was feeding into Garrett’s own insecurities about what love was supposed to be. It slowly became evident to the surgeon that love was a feeling that reached deep into your soul and gave your being the strength to survive. If that was what she was truly feeling now, it could be compared to the jump starting of a dead battery with one so full of energy.


She had thought of herself as incapable of love, well, at least in that sense of the word. Sure, she had experimented in college, just about everyone did. Heck, they were all young adults still searching for the meaning of life and love. But the few attempts had all been so meaningless, devoid of emotion. Maybe that was why the experiences were only that and nothing lasting had ever become of them. Perhaps it had not been the partners that she had paired herself with, but rather that she was primarily the cause of the lackluster couplings. There never was any passion or unbridled sentiment in it, just the mechanical couplings and manipulation of highly sensual areas. Besides, it didn’t seem to matter what the anatomy was. They had done nothing for her but reaffirmed her solitary life, spurring her unquenchable thirst for the knowledge that would be necessary for a stellar career as a surgeon. That seemed to be the only place that brought meaning to her life. It was the place where she found her passion giving her a sense of fulfillment. But now, she drew in a deep breath, was she indeed in need of something more, something that had always alluded her before?


This year of Fellowship was turning out to be more than she had anticipated. She closed her eyes, wishing that her life were not as complicated as it was turning out to be. ‘Thank the gods that this year would soon be over. Maybe then I can get some semblance of normalcy back,’ she mused. ‘Damn you, McMurray! This is all your fault.’ She cursed the man who was making her stretch herself into places, feelings and things that she had never thought of before coming here to the ‘Burgh.


‘The ‘Burgh,’ she chuckled to herself and wondered when her mind had grasped onto that hometown concept. ‘I never really associated myself with any one place before. Well, except for San Francisco were I grew up as a child.’ Then visions of a sparkling, slowly growing smile crossed her mind and she knew. Garrett turned her head, stealing a look at the woman whose hand was holding onto her own. ‘Could I actually be falling in love?’


Danni caught the last few seconds of the stolen glance and met it with one of her own. ‘By the Gods, I love the sensation of just holding her hand.’ Then to prove that it was not a dream, she gently squeezed her fingers and found the touch to be returned and very real. She closed her eyes, and savored the moment.



* * *

The last thing that Danni wanted to do was to leave Garrett’s side. Slowly she slipped her hand out of the surgeon’s as the car slowed to a stop in front of the Hospital.


Karen turned to view the occupants of the rear seat. "You two going to be alright to drive home?"


"Yeah, if you want I could drop you off at your door." Rosie chimed in. Her eyes searched the rearview mirror for any indication of acceptance to her proposal.


"No," Garrett cleared her throat. "I have to check on my patient. Thanks for the offer Rosie."


"Hey, Doc, I don’t care what they asked you today, we’re still friends, right?"


The surgeon nodded her head slowly and then got out of the car. She couldn’t stand to be confined by the vehicle any longer and needed to be out in the open, free without any constraints. Garrett got out and headed into the lobby of the building, so thought of as home.


"Thanks, Rosie." Danni scurried across the seat and stood outside the door, ready to close it. "She’s had a tough day. I think it’s going to take some time for her to get it all together again. I’ll get her home, don’t worry."


The nurse closed the rear door of the car and followed the surgeon’s path.


There was a moment or two of silence in the car before either of the women spoke.


Rosie rolled her eyes then whistled a few notes slightly off key. "So, do you think Garrett is gay?"


"The only one that can answer that is Garrett. How about I let you be the one to ask her?" Mom stared at the driver of the car, challenging her to cross paths with the already emotionally charged woman.


"ME?" Rosie grabbed tightly onto the steering wheel and began shaking her head. "Don’t make no difference to me. She’s not my type anyway."


"Didn’t think you were a fool either, Rosie." Karen winked. "Either way, our Doc’s in good hands with Danni." The older nurse pried herself out of the front seat and closed the door of the car. She waved as Rosie pulled out into the flow of traffic. ‘God, Danni, I hope you get the answer you’re looking for.’



* * *

Once inside the building, the old façade of the stoic surgeon was pulled in place. The air of arrogance that accompanied it was evident by the aggressiveness displayed in her walk. Reaching the information desk in the lobby, Garrett picked up the house phone and called directly into the Intensive Care Unit that she had admitted Chris to earlier that morning. After a few brief words with Chris’s nurse, the phone was replaced on its cradle and Garrett charted her course for the elevators.


"Gar, wait up!" Danni’s short legs worked double time in an effort do so. The nurse finally reached her as they stepped onto the elevator together. "Is Chris alright?"


Garrett nodded her response, keeping her thoughts to herself.


"I’m sorry for what happened today. You didn’t deserve to be verbally battered by that…" Danni found herself becoming embittered with her resentment of the defense lawyer. "Why I should have just…"


Garrett turned a weary eye at the nurse, "Danni getting yourself thrown out of court would have done nothing to stop him. I’m a survivor, don’t you know that by now?"


"But it didn’t make it right, what he did, I mean."


"No, I agree but it wouldn’t have stopped him either. He had a job to do, I was the one in his way." Garrett shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn’t matter anyhow."


"Doesn’t matter! Doesn’t matter, it matters to me and it should matter to you, too." The nurse was letting go of some pent up steam.


"It’s over, Danni." Blue eyes looked into green letting the calm after the storm penetrate the blonde. "It’s over." Her words were but a whisper that gave way to the sound of the elevator doors opening on the ninth floor and the tall woman stepped out onto the floor.


"Gar, I thought you were going to check on Chris?" Danni looked puzzled. "Isn’t she in the ICU on the Fifth floor?"


"Yes, but the best medicine in the world for her, is here on the Ninth Floor."


"Gar, pharmacy is on the…" Then it hit Danni. "This is the observation floor. You’re going to take Marie down to see her, aren’t you?"


The surgeon’s eyebrow rose. "I always thought that you were a smart nurse." Garrett let the corners of her mouth turn upward. "First I’m going to check her out and discharge her. Then, I’ll take her to see Chris."


The petite woman smiled. "Mind if I tag along?"


"No, not at all." The surgeon turned and started down the hall. "I was kind of hoping that you would."


Danni fell in step as they continued down the hall to Marie’s room. The blonde wondered what had gotten into the surgeon, but thought it best not to ask.


"You seem to have a pretty good rapport with her, perhaps you should go in first." Garrett stopped outside the door to Marie’s room. "I’ll go to the nurse’s station and get her discharged."