"By the gods!" The words escaped Danni’s mouth in a hushed toned.


"I found out a few years later, when I was in college, that I had signed for my brother to be taken off of life support." ‘I’m sorry, Luc, I didn’t know.’


Danni could see the guilt that the woman in front of the room had been carrying for the first time. Her heart went out to not only the woman that she knew, but also the child that she had been when it happened. ‘She must have felt that his death was of her doing.’ Danni could see the clouded color of Garrett’s eyes turning the blue into a dismal gray.


"I can’t tell you the torment and wondering that I experienced from that knowledge. I second-guessed myself over and over. If I had known, would I have done it?" Garrett paused, looking down to the ground. "I do know that I felt isolated and always wondering what would have happened if I had been with the rest of my family that night. Would that extra few minutes to wait for my ice cream cone make any difference in their outcome? Or was it fate that I live a life without them? I can admit to you now that thoughts of ending the pain did cross my mind. I had no one to really miss me if I were to commit suicide and the memory of my family would all but be wiped out from the face of this earth."


Danni’s eyes grew wide at this revelation. She had often wanted to ask but didn’t want to scare the surgeon off. Friendship was a new and fragile thing when Garrett had first told her of her youth that night at the cabin. Now, she could see first hand the torment that the woman held inside for all those years.


The petite woman fought back the urge to leave her seat and wrap her tall friend in her arms. ‘This…this is why she wanted me to stay.’ The nurse finally realized the strength of the surgeon. ‘She had learned to rely on nobody but herself and demanded more of herself than anybody could.’ Danni struggled to concentrate on what Garrett was saying, letting only a few tears roll down her cheeks.


"So, you see, I’ve been where you are. Desolate…alone…isolated from the rest of the world at times that should be filled with happiness and family. It wasn’t until I came here to Pittsburgh that I found that it did not have to stay that way. There are people out there that can be just as much a family member to you as the ones that are no longer with you physically. It’s up to you whether you open up your eyes and your heart to them or not. I strongly suggest that you do." Garrett’s hand sank down into her pocket as her fingers fumbled with the coins that were there. ‘Okay, Danni, I hope you’re listening.’ "I have and it’s made a world of difference to me."


The sound of polite clapping was heard as Garrett left the podium. She wasn’t sure whether she was more nervous now or before she had begun her talk. The surgeon found herself shaking hands that had been thrust at her only half hearing the words that accompanied the action. Her mind was concerned with only one thing, what Danni thought of her now? The tall woman scanned the crowd that was gathering around her, looking for the blonde hair of her friend.


Several minutes passed until blue eyes meet with green, the draw was like that of a magnet on iron shavings. Garrett found it impossible to remain where she was. Without breaking her gaze for more that a second or two, she excused herself and headed to the rear of the room where Danni was standing.


Danni watched as Garrett pushed through the crowd. She was so glad that her offering of friendship had been taken. Now, to hear what it meant to Garrett was even more heartwarming than she could believe.


"Hey…nice talk." Danni tried to downplay her excitement.


"Well…" Garrett looked back at the gathering as they mingled together, "I hope that they liked it. I’m not sure I could do it again."


"I think it struck a lot of them very close to home."


The surgeon sighed. "I hope so. Danni thanks for helping me…" The tall woman’s lips were met with a finger hushing them.


"Not here, Gar." The blonde took her friend’s hand and led her out of the room and down the hall. They traveled the corridors in silence until they found themselves in front of Garrett’s office. Taking out her keys, the surgeon opened the door.


Danni waited until they were inside and the door was closed. She didn’t see the need for the woman to air her guilt in the witness of others. "There’s no need to thank me. I did what any friend would do. I just wish that I had been able to do more." Danni paused. "Gar…why didn’t you mention…"


"What? That I was so upset about what I had done to my brother that I wanted to end it all. That I had even gone as far as to plan it all out." Garrett looked away.


"Gar, you didn’t know." Danni let her hand lay upon her friend’s arm, trying to get her attention. "Besides, you didn’t go through with it. Your nature is to preserve life, not end it."


"Danni, it took me a long time before I could stop thinking of myself as a murderer." She looked down at the nurse. "Yes, I’m no better than any of those criminals on death row. I killed my own brother. I was the one that let them take him off the machines, not someone else." Her eyes were clouded with the storm that she held inside. An irate tear ran down from her right eye as she fought back the deluge.


"No! Don’t even think that." There was genuine concern in the nurse’s eyes for her friend. "You’ve saved more patients in your lifetime already. I don’t ever want to hear you think like that. Where would all of those patients be today if it weren’t for you? Can you tell me that?" Her small hand traveled up to the taller woman’s face, where it captured the tear that was languidly rolling down over Garrett’s cheek.


The surgeon sniffed back her emotions and thought about her career, with all the saves she had been a part of. "I guess maybe you’re right." Garrett swallowed hard as her eyes fell on the framed photograph of her brother. "Thanks, Danni."


"Gar, I didn’t do those saves. You did. So what are you thanking me for? I’m your friend and I can only point these things out to you."


"Yeah. Well, I’m thanking you for sticking around long enough to be a friend. I know that I’m a pretty arrogant person and demand a lot out of those around me."


"Well, then, I see that half the battle is already won." The nurse laughed. "Come here." She reached out and wrapped her arms around the tall woman’s waist. "Thank you for asking me to stay."


Garrett let her arms embrace the shorter woman. Then leaning down, she whispered, "Thank you for not leaving…and for taking me away from the group just now." The surgeon was feeling a little lackluster by her recent revelation.


"I just wish that I could’ve been there for you then." The words were soft and heartfelt in nature.


The surgeon brushed the golden hair with her lips and let the scent of the person in her arms fill her nose. Garrett wanted everything that she possibly could to help her remember this night. It was the first time that she had ever told anyone of her dark secret, but somehow she knew that Danni would listen no matter how black it was.



* * *

After the meeting of the support group, Danni noticed that the behavior of the tall surgeon seemed to be somewhat unguarded, especially around her. It was as if letting that deeply hidden secret of hers come to light had allowed her to move on with her life. Each time that Garrett told of some hint of adventure that she and her brother had shared, the nurse knew that she was being allowed to see what her friend held dear. It was at these times that Danni wondered if she, too, would be thought of in such a fashion.


The only thing that she knew for sure now was that at times the friendship between them was shrouded in both her and Garrett’s inexperience. Nothing that was planned or contrived, but just a feeling that something more was to happen, only it never did. Friendship was still a concept that the surgeon needed to grasp more fully and Danni was only too eager to help. The nurse, on the other hand, had no idea of how to deal with her own lack of inexperience, advancing relationships to the next level, deepening the emotional tie while bringing it into the realm of the physical. That is what made this friendship so different from the rest, the need to advance.


The young woman thought about all the times that they had shared in their day-to-day lives now that they were a team. They could be anywhere, doing anything and they each felt as though they were at home, as long as the other was there. It didn’t matter how serious or remotely insane the situation was. Just knowing that they were there, together, was enough. Danni knew what it felt like on her part, she wandered if Garrett was feeling the same.


There was a peace that would take over her soul, especially when she found herself locked in a gaze with the raven-haired woman. It could be only a few seconds or lasting much longer with the intent to convey some deep seated knowledge between the two, but nonetheless, it was there.


Danni felt at a loss. Her youth had not been one shared with friends, perhaps that was where this awkwardness was dealt with in relationships. The petite woman looked no more than a child did even though her age was thirty-two. At times like this, she wondered if emotionally she wasn’t still locked into those teenage years where the passions of life and love are learned.