Susan Mallery - Under Her Skin

He didn’t speak. Maybe he didn’t have to. She’d known it would come to this, but why did it have to hurt so much for her to be right?

She opened her heart and her soul. “I love you, Cruz.”

He walked to the other side of the room. “I can’t, Lexi. You know I can’t. Ask me for anything else. Money, a house. Hell, I’ll buy you a country. But not this.”

Sadness combined with pain. She ached everywhere. “Love is all I want.”

She stared at his back, at the stiffness in his shoulders. There was one more thing to say.

She picked up the small plastic box she’d tucked behind a cushion on the sofa and handed it to him.

“Here.”

He turned and took the box, staring down at the pacifier.

“I’m pregnant.”

Cruz thought he’d already experienced the world shift beneath his feet. Having Lexi tell him she loved him had been a big enough shock. But this? He wondered if anything would ever be right again.

A baby?

He’d already done this. Had the unexpected and unwanted pregnancy. Not again. Dammit all to hell, not again.

He braced himself for the sense of being trapped, of knowing he was totally screwed. Instead he felt a strange warmth, a curiosity about what would happen next.

He could imagine Lexi pregnant, curvy and beautiful. But could he see himself there?

Lexi stood her ground, her chin raised. “All or nothing,” she said, her voice challenging him. “I won’t have you in and out of my baby’s life like you were with Kendra. And I’m not interested in your money. You can’t buy your way out of this problem. You have to choose. I don’t want half anything. I want a real husband who will be there for me. I want a father for my baby. I want love and commitment and a partnership. Are you too scared?”

He wasn’t afraid. It was more than that. She wanted too much. She wanted his soul and he didn’t trust anyone with that.

Her shoulders slumped. “I knew it,” she whispered. “You’re going to walk.” She pointed to the door. “Just go.”

“Lexi.”

“Go!” she yelled as tears filled her eyes.

“Lexi, I…”

“We have nothing more to say.”

Not knowing what else to do, he left. As the door closed behind him, he heard her sob and felt as if someone had reached inside and ripped out his heart.

BRONCO BILLY’S WAS having a Dirty Harry festival, and the famous line “Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do ya?” raced across the ceiling in multicolored letters. Lexi sat at a table with her sisters and Dana as they discussed the best way to bring down Garth Duncan.

“Do we really want him destroyed?” Skye asked. “Can we just hurt him a little?”

“Not a good idea,” Dana told her. “He’s like one of those hydra things. Cut off one head and seven others grow back. He needs to be taken down completely.”

Izzy blinked at her. “A what?”

“A hydra. They’re mythological creatures. Kind of like a dragon.”

“I know what they are,” Skye said. “But most people don’t mention them in casual conversation.”

“Hello. Hidden depths, girlfriend, hidden depths.”

“Impressive,” Izzy murmured.

Lexi enjoyed the conversation. It was a distraction for the ache in her heart. At least thinking about what they were going to do about Garth let her move away from her own problems.

“Let’s come up with a plan,” she said. “I think we need more information. We should start an investigation. I’ve found a good lawyer who can steer us in the right direction. She has access to private investigators and researchers. It’s not cheap, but I think it will be worth it.”

Skye sighed. “All right. We’ll start with information and take it from there. I just wish he’d go away.”

“Not likely,” Izzy said. “If someone needs to make the sacrifice of seducing someone close to him, you can always count on me.”

“That makes me so proud,” Skye murmured.

Lexi looked at the women sitting with her at the table. They were her family-even Dana. They had always been there for her and would continue to be with her. They would help her stay strong.

“I’ll pay for the lawyer,” Skye said.

“Because you have all the money?” Lexi asked.

“Pretty much.”

“You’ve got mine tied up in trust,” Izzy grumbled.

“As it should be,” Dana told her. “You’re not exactly responsible. You want to go scuba diving in an underwater cave.”

“And your point is?”

“Who’s the heir?”

They laughed.

“Back to Garth,” Dana said. “You’re going to have to catch him doing something illegal. Otherwise, you’re fighting an uphill battle.”

“We could blackmail him,” Lexi said, thinking Garth would respond to that kind of threat better than anything else.

Dana sighed. “You didn’t say that and I didn’t hear it.”

“You take this upholding the law thing way too seriously,” Izzy complained.

“It means when you catch him, I can arrest him.”

“So we’re going with the lawyer?” Skye asked. “Everyone agrees?”

Lexi nodded, as did the others.

There was a moment of silence, then Dana said, “How are you doing?”

Lexi glanced up and found the other women looking at her. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Izzy said, then held up both hands. “Sorry. I don’t mean that in a bad way. You look great, but maybe a little sad. Really sad.”

“I’m not happy,” she said. “No surprise there. I’m dealing. Right now that seems like a win.”

Skye hugged her. “Cruz will come around. You’ll see.”

Lexi didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to be disappointed by hope again. “I don’t think so. He wants what we had before. An arrangement. Nothing messy like a real relationship. He’s not interested in being in love.”

She was pleased that she got all that out without breaking down. Maybe she was on the road to accepting the inevitable. There was just one more thing to share.

“I’m pregnant.”

Izzy and Skye gaped at her.

“For sure?” Skye asked.

“I’ve peed on enough sticks to be very confident.”

“Are you happy?” Izzy asked.

Despite everything, Lexi smiled. “I am. I want this baby. With or without Cruz.”

“Did you tell him?” Dana asked.

“He knows.”

“And?”

“He didn’t take it well. Not that he screamed or anything. He just left.”

“I never thought of Cruz as a screamer,” Izzy said. “If he is, I don’t want to know.”

“You can’t still like him,” Skye said. “He hurt Lexi. We’re all on her side.”

“I’m not saying he should come for a sleepover, but I’m not ready to write him off.”

“I am,” Dana growled. “I’d like to beat the crap out of him.” She shrugged. “I won’t, for a lot of reasons.”

“Not sure you could take him?” Izzy teased.

“I could take him. Cruz would have trouble beating up a woman and that would give me the advantage.”

“Okay. Maybe, but that’s not what we’re talking about.” Izzy leaned toward Lexi. “I still think he’s going to come around. You started with one thing and changed it. He has to get used to the new rules. It’s not like he said he didn’t want anything to do with you.”

Lexi sort of saw her point, although she didn’t want to. “I’m not interested in an arranged marriage.”

“Maybe not, but a couple of months ago you were open to a pretend engagement. He’s taking steps. If you really love him, I wouldn’t write him off just yet.”

Skye tapped her chin. “As a rule, I don’t suggest taking advice from Izzy, but in this case, she might be right.”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “I’m right. You know I’m right.”

“There’s a baby,” Skye said. “That changes everything.”

Lexi looked at Dana.

“I don’t know,” Dana said. “You’re not exactly ready to go out and date someone else.”

“No.”

Lexi couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be with someone else. With Cruz she could be herself-a unique experience. There was no holding back, no worrying about being judged or used. He was upfront and honest. Sometimes he made her crazy, but she could live with that.

“So give it time,” Dana said. “Maybe he’ll figure it out. Maybe he won’t. But you’re not ready to give up on him. You still love him. If you didn’t, none of this would be a problem.”

“You’re right,” Lexi said. “If I was ready to walk away, I wouldn’t care that he didn’t love me. I would be happy. But I do care.” She could feel the tears burning in her eyes. “I want him to want me as much as I want him. I want us to be in love.”

“Oh, sure,” Izzy grumbled. “It’s all about you.”

The unexpected response made Lexi laugh. The others joined in and her mood lifted.

“Yes,” she said, smiling. “It is all about me.”

“I hate that,” Izzy grumbled. “I like being the center of attention.”

“We know,” Skye told her. “It’s your thing.”

The pain lingered, reminding her with every breath that she missed Cruz more than she could explain. He was a part of her, whether he wanted to be or not. But she had no idea how it was going to end.

Whatever the outcome, she had her sisters, including Dana. They would be there for her just like she would be there for them. It would be enough, she told herself.

MANNY TURNED burgers on the grill. Eight or so kids, some his, some from the neighborhood, ran around the large backyard playing a game Cruz couldn’t figure out. It was warm, sunny-a perfect Sunday afternoon.

“You’re an idiot,” his friend said, then reached for his beer.

“Don’t hold back,” Cruz told him. “Tell me what you really think.”

“You’re an idiot,” Manny repeated, apparently not concerned that Cruz stood five inches taller and outweighed him by forty pounds. “I’m getting tired of saying it. Lexi’s good for you. She’s a beautiful woman, and not just on the outside. She tells you she’s in love with you and having your baby and what do you do?”