Madeline Sheehan - Unbeloved

“So fuckin’ what? How is that any different from any other day?”

Still staring off down the hall, Dorothy shook her head. “But did you see her face? This is different. She’s hurt, Hawk, really hurt.”

“Yeah, and Cox ain’t doin’ so well lately himself but that’s their business, their fuckin’ marriage, not ours.”

Another shout sounded, this time sounding more like a sob.

“BITCH,” Cox bellowed. “You won’t fuckin’ touch me, YOU WON’T FUCKIN’ LET ME TOUCH YOU!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Kami screamed. “You are mine! You are mine and you don’t get to be with another fucking woman!”

“THEN FUCKING TOUCH ME, KAMI! AT LEAST FUCKING LOOK AT ME ONCE IN A WHILE!”

And after hearing that, even Hawk had to admit that maybe this wasn’t Cox and Kami’s typical MO. But there still wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to interfere.

“D,” he growled. “Sit the fuck down.”

With a sigh, she shook her head again and then finally, fucking finally, crawled back into his lap. Replacing his hand on her ass, he used his other to shove her hand back down the front of his pants.

And as the screaming and crying down the hallway continued, Dorothy glanced up at him, her freckled nose wrinkled. “This isn’t so nice anymore,” she whispered.

“Just keep playin’ with my dick,” he whispered back, giving her backside a light slap.

“You’re never going to change!” Kami screamed.

“Give me a fuckin’ reason to!” Cox shot back.

Keeping a firm hold on Dorothy, Hawk closed his eyes and sighed. Couple of crazy assholes. But he was really going to miss this place. Crazy assholes and all.

It was the night before Hawk would be leaving, and I’d spent the majority of it making a rather extravagant dinner for my family. Tegen and Cage were spending the entire day out of the house in order to give the three of us time together, and Hawk had spent most of the day with Christopher, doing as much as he could with his son despite his limited mobility.

As for me, I couldn’t sit still. I was in a constant state of nervous anxiety, full of so much dread of what was to come that I had to stay busy in order to keep from crying, or screaming, or both.

After prepping a seven-pound ham, I’d begun preparing asparagus, homemade mashed potatoes, and gravy. Then I finished with a traditional Irish apple and bramble cake with whiskey custard, made from scratch and my memories of baking alongside my grandmother.

When there was nothing left to prepare and I was only waiting on the cake to finish cooling, I took off my apron and headed upstairs to shower before dinner.

Once clean, my hair blow-dried and as straight as I could get it, I sorted through the limited clothing I’d brought with me, finding nothing I wanted to wear. I had no desire to slip into a pair of worn jeans and a faded T-shirt, but instead wished for tonight to be special, a memory Hawk could think back on and smile about.

Giving up on my own belongings, I headed into Tegen’s room to search through her closet in hopes of finding something simple yet sexy. No longer stick thin, her clothing might be long on me, but at least it would fit my width.

After sorting through her vast variety of band T-shirts, assorted colorful tank tops, long flowing skirts, and numerous holey jeans, I was just about to give up and head back to my own room when I found it.

It was a silky black halter dress with a deep V-neck and a cinched waist. It would hit about mid-thigh on Tegen, but on me would reach my knees. It looked expensive, and after finding the tags still on it, I found that it was indeed a small fortune and surmised that it was probably a gift from Kami. Knowing my daughter, I knew she’d never wear it.

But for me, it was perfect.

After applying more makeup then I’d ever worn before, including foundation, powder, a shimmering dark eye shadow, and a healthy amount of mascara, I brushed my hair out one last time, slipped in a pair of Tegen’s black feather earrings, and then for a moment simply stared at myself in the full-length mirror.

Much like when I’d lost my memories, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. Even with my lack of a bra, which left my breasts sloping naturally, and my older and softer body, despite the lines beginning to frame my eyes and my more mature features, I looked the most vibrant, the most beautiful I could ever remember myself looking or feeling before.

Feeling nervous but surprisingly confident, I descended the stairs, happily inhaling the smells of my mouthwatering meal as I breezed past the kitchen and turned left to enter the living room.

Both Hawk and Christopher were utterly immersed in whatever video game they were playing, their eyes glued to the television screen while their fingers worked the controllers with swift and sure movements.

I stared at them for a moment, just drinking in the sight of father and son, knowing this was the last time for a long time that they would be able to just be together in this way. It made me incredibly sad to think that another of my children would grow up without their father.

Hawk and I had both tried our best to let Christopher know what was coming, without giving away the grittier aspect of things. Although the time would soon come when he would be visiting his father in jail, neither of us wanted to taint Christopher with the brutal details of his father’s past. And while Christopher had become upset hearing that his father would no longer be coming for visits, he didn’t truly understand, and both Hawk and I decided to leave well enough alone for the time being.

“Mom!” Christopher exclaimed, dropping his controller into his lap. His eyes widened into big green saucers as he took in my appearance. “You look so pretty!”

I smiled at my son, but my attentions were soon diverted to Hawk, who had also released his controller and was raking me over with his eyes.

He looked surprised, but even more he appeared . . . turned on.

Despite the heat of the room, his unspoken thoughts caused icy-hot shivers to race along my skin, leaving trails of gooseflesh in their wake. He was more than aware of my reaction to him, aware of his effect on me, and I watched with the utmost delight as those unfathomably dark eyes grew even more opaque, as the swell of his muscles grew strained, as his body tightened with need, the sight of which was holding my eyes and my body hostage, frozen like a deer in the spotlight of his hungry gaze.

It was a look I hadn’t seen since we’d both been in our twenties, a heavy look, one laden with hidden meaning and secret emotion, both of us despairing over different things and secretly using each other to soothe the desperate burning inside us.

But this time it was different.

This wasn’t a secret look.

This was all for me, for all the world to see.

All for him.

All for me. All for me.

I stared at him, my thoughts and body afire as he mouthed the words, You’re beautiful. And I could have sworn I felt his breath, cool against my overheated body, cascading over my skin, causing it to ripple and pebble with gooseflesh all over again.

“Dinner’s ready,” I whispered hoarsely, then lifted my hand to my throat, to the necklace that I never took off, surreptitiously hiding the large swallow of emotion that had welled up within me.

Christopher leaped off the couch and bounded past me while Hawk remained unmoving, his eyes still on me.

“I don’t wanna go,” he said softly, surprising me.

Those words, so full of raw emotion, caused a tidal wave of pain to come crashing over me, coursing through me at an alarming rate.

Its impact on my heart was devastating.

He looked so vulnerable, so unlike any way he’d ever looked before, that I couldn’t stop myself. I rushed forward, dropping onto the couch beside him and wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Let’s leave,” I whispered frantically against the soft cotton of his T-shirt. “Let’s just go, run away. We could move somewhere remote, where no one would ever find us. We could be a family.”

His body heaved as a heavy breath fled his chest, and in that breath I heard his answer. We wouldn’t be leaving, or running. We wouldn’t be together.

“D,” he said gently. “I’ve been hidin’ most of my life. I don’t wanna hide anymore.”

“I can’t lose you,” I whimpered. “Not after I just got you back.”

“Someday,” he whispered, sliding his arm behind my back and pulling me into a one-armed hug. “I’m going to finally take you for that ride. Just you and me, D. Me wearing my cut, you with all that red hair flying in the wind. Both of us finally out in the wide fuckin’ open. No more hidin’.”

And after hearing that, there was no way on earth I was going to make it through a three-course meal without crying.

I fell apart for what felt like the millionth time, ruining all my carefully applied makeup, smearing it all over Hawk’s T-shirt as I clutched him so tightly my knuckles began to throb.

“I want tonight to last forever,” I whispered brokenly.

Because it had to last forever, or at least for the next ten years.

**•

The last three weeks had been full of surprises, the biggest of which Hawk had thought was him and Dorothy finally coming together.

He’d been so fucking wrong.

The biggest surprise was just . . . Dorothy.

With as much rational thought as he could manage while being slowly ridden by the beautiful woman on top of him, he stared up at her in wonder.