K. Robinson - Twisted Ties

I could barely stand to sit here and listen to her talk about what Ally had done, but I knew I had to. Emma had to talk to someone. She had to get it all out. That didn’t make it any less painful for me though.

“I’ve never felt anything like that. She did it slowly, so I felt every centimeter.”

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, Emma,” I choked out.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is. If it weren’t for me, you never would have had to go through that. I’m so sorry.”

“None of us realized just how sick she was. She loved you so much that it drove her crazy—literally. She kept telling me that once I was gone, you’d finally let me go and realize that you loved her back. She thought that you loved her but didn’t know it. She blamed me for the fact that you refused to love her back.”

“Maybe if I hadn’t been so cruel to her, then she would have reacted differently.”

Emma shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think there was anything you or I could have done to help her. She was too far gone, lost in her own mind. It didn’t matter what I told her. She refused to listen. Whatever you said to her that night on the phone saved my life. She’d planned to keep me for a while, but then she said she didn’t have time for all the stuff she had planned because she had to meet with you. If you hadn’t talked with her, she would have tortured me and killed me slowly.”

“I told her that I loved her.”

Emma smiled weakly. “She obviously believed you. I just wish that I could make myself forget all of it. I’m so tired of replaying it over and over in my head.”

“Is that what your nightmares are about?” I asked.

“Sometimes, I dream about what happened. Other times, I dream about what would have happened if she’d had the time. Occasionally, it’s about her sneaking in while you’re asleep on the couch, and then she smothers me in your bed.” She shuddered. “When she knocked me out, I had a dream that you saved me, but she killed you for it. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought it was real. I thought that I’d lost you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. Don’t worry about that. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to sleep beside you again. Maybe it will help with the dreams if I’m with you.”

“I’d like that,” she whispered.

I pulled her into my arms. It felt so good to hold her again. “We’ll get through this, Emma. I swear, we will.”

“I hope so.”

“I think you should see someone. You need to get it all out.”

“A therapist?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the doctor gave me a few names when you were in the hospital. Will you let me call one of them for you?”

She was silent for a moment. “I’ll try to talk with one of them, but I can’t promise that it’ll help.”

“I think it will. I’ll call first thing tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to hold you in my arms.”

I stood and picked her up. She smiled for the first time in weeks as I carried her to my bed and laid her down. I crawled in next to her and pulled her close. I’d missed this. I’d missed her.

Things would work out. They had to. I wouldn’t let her go without a fight.

Three Months Later

Emma was healing. I could see the changes daily. It took a couple of weeks for her therapy sessions to start helping her, but I noticed the changes as soon as they happened. It was hard not to notice when I was watching her every move. I was terrified to let her out of my sight.

The only time I left her side was when I was in class or grocery shopping. I would make sure to stock up on enough food, so I only had to go to the store once or twice a month. Hell, I was even learning to cook a few things. It was a big change after living off of cereal most of the time.

The changes in Emma were small at first, beginning with a smile here and there. She started to talk more, and then the nightmares stopped coming every night. She still had them, but instead of being a constant in her life, they slowed to once or twice a week.

I nearly dropped my bag on my foot the day I came home to hear her talking to her dad on the phone. Up until then, she’d refused to talk to anyone. Instead, I was forced to tell them how she was doing.

Andy came over a couple of times a week for dinner, but he stayed away more often than not. When I asked him why, he told me that he couldn’t stand to look at Emma after what his own sister had done. The guilt was killing him inside. No matter how many times I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault, he refused to believe it. Emma noticed his absence and asked what was wrong. I lied and told her that he was working more hours. She had enough to deal with without adding Andy’s guilt to her conscience.

Valentine’s Day had been almost nonexistent in our house. In an attempt to cheer Emma up, I offered to take her out for dinner. She refused, saying that she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate any kind of holiday. I agreed not to go out, but I still bought her a present. Instead of being excited when I handed her the small box with a necklace inside, she was upset that she hadn’t gotten me anything. I told her that it didn’t matter, but she refused to listen. A few days later, a package showed up for me with a new CD. I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice of music. She was trying at least.

Emma was meeting with her therapist three times a week. When she first started seeing him, she refused to talk about her sessions with me. I hated that. I felt like she was trying to keep me away. I didn’t want her to push me away or protect me from what was going on inside of that head of hers. I wanted her to feel like she could trust me. She finally started opening up to me a few weeks after she’d started. Even though she didn’t share much, she was still sharing. I’d take anything I could get at this point. I wasn’t picky. I just wanted in.

She decided to start going to school again. She only took a few classes, but they were enough to keep her occupied. Before then, the only time she would leave the house had been for her sessions. It was good to see her out again. I even convinced her to go watch a movie with her friend, Abby.

Emma was slowly coming back. The only thing that wasn’t healed was our relationship. I knew she was trying, but it still felt strained. I was afraid that we’d never be the same again. I didn’t want Ally to win. I wanted to show Emma how much I still loved her.

I decided to do something special for her. I’d racked my brain for days, trying to come up with an idea that would mean something to her. I wished that we were closer to the beach, so I could take her surfing. Since that was out, I had to come up with another plan. I was getting a lot better at cooking, so I decided to do a romantic dinner. I even went as far as picking up a dozen roses, and I bought enough candles to put the store out of stock. I just hoped that my plan would work.

I hurried home after class to set everything up. Emma had a late class, so it gave me enough time to make dinner and get everything ready. I put the roses in a vase at the center of the table and covered every surface in the kitchen with candles. We were at the very end of winter, so I could count on the sun setting early enough to make sure we had a dark candlelight dinner to set the mood. I wanted to be the most ridiculously romantic guy in the world for her.

Everything was ready when she finally made it home. I was sitting at the table, waiting for her, when I heard her keys unlocking the door. I held my breath as I listened to her throw her bag down by the door before heading to the kitchen. I prayed that this would work. I needed this to work.

“Hey, I’m home,” she called out as she entered the kitchen. She stopped dead when she noticed the candles everywhere.

“Welcome home.”

“What’s this?”

“It’s…” What is it? A peace offering? Kind of. An attempt to show her how much I still love her? Definitely. “It’s a dinner,” I said lamely.

“I can see that. But why?”

I stood and walked over to her. I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. “Because I love you. I want things to go back to the way they used to be with us.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything right now. Let me talk while you eat.”

I pulled her over to the table and pushed her gently into a chair. I lifted the foil off the top of the lasagna and grabbed her plate. After filling it and placing it back in front of her, I did the same with mine. She was quiet as she watched me. I ignored her stare as I sat down and picked up my fork. I wanted her to relax before we started talking about everything. Tonight would decide everything for us. It was now or never. We couldn’t keep living the way we had been. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I thought you wanted to talk,” she said as she stared at me.

I hesitated. “I do. I just don’t know where to start. I had all of this planned out in my head, but you walked through the door, and now, I’m blank.”

“Jesse, just say what you want to say. You won’t hurt me.”

“I can’t keep living like this. I love you, Emma, but it’s killing me. You’re doing so much better in every aspect of your life, except with me. I’m not sure if you’re still having a hard time with everything or if you just don’t feel what you used to feel when it comes to me.”

“I’m hurting you.” It was a statement, not a question.

I nodded. “I know you’re not doing it on purpose, but you are. I just want to know where we stand. I want things to be okay between us again. If you still want to be with me, tell me how to fix us, and I swear that I will.”