K. Robinson - Twisted Ties

I could feel Andy rubbing my lower back underneath my shirt. I knew I shouldn’t like it, but it felt so damn good. I’d been so alone this past month, but I didn’t feel that way with Andy next to me. I took another deep breath, instantly regretting it. Between his scent and his hand rubbing my back, I felt myself starting to become aroused. I knew this was a bad idea and that I needed to leave, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

His hand slipped lower until he was teasing the top of my shorts. My breathing grew heavy as I tried not to pay attention to what his hand was doing.

“Emma? Are you okay?” Andy whispered in the darkness.

Present Day

Life sucks. It had taken me a while to realize that, but it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. The only positive is that you learn from your experiences, and you grow.

Two years ago, I’d certainly grown up when I walked in on the boy I thought I loved in bed with one of his best friends. I’d learned to let him go as time passed—or at least I thought I had.

Now, I wasn’t so sure. There are people who pass through your life who forever change you and everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world. Jesse was one of them.

It had been two years since I’d left him standing in his driveway, but I’d never been able to let him go completely.

I’d debated this decision for months. I’d told myself over and over that it was stupid and pointless, but I think I always knew that I would end up here. I knew that Jesse had been a part of my old life, my old self, but I couldn’t get my heart to accept that little fact.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove down I-79 from the Pittsburgh airport to my new school. Up ahead, I saw the sign welcoming me to my new state. It was ridiculous to be nervous at the sight of a simple sign. The chances of him ending up at the same school as me were slim to none.

Then, why am I here?

I took a deep breath as I glanced up at the sign just before I drove past it.

Welcome to West Virginia.

“You okay?” Andy asked from the passenger seat.

“Yeah, I’m just nervous.”

“Don’t be. This is a whole new experience for you. You can be whoever you want here, and no one will know you’re the rich girl from Santa Monica. You can tell them you’ve been living in a box or something.”

“I’m not nervous about anyone finding out who my dad is. I’m nervous about the fact that I might see Jesse again.”

“I know. I was being sarcastic. I know it’s pointless to tell you not to stress, but I’m going to—again. Don’t stress. If you and Jesse were meant to be together, things will work out. If you two weren’t meant to be, you’ll find someone else.”

“You make it sound so easy. I just want to find him, so I can at least apologize for assuming the worst. He tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen.”

“If I’d walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another guy, I would have thought the same thing you did. You can’t be angry with yourself. You were trying to protect yourself from being hurt.”

“I’d still like to punch Ally.”

Andy snorted. “I’m her brother, and I want to punch her for what she did.”

After Jesse had left, Andy and I became good friends. Ally hated that little fact, and she’d refused to speak to her brother for months. When she finally had, she’d dropped a bomb on him. I still felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about that day.

Andy called me one afternoon just as I was leaving school. “Hey, Emma. Can you come over to my house for a while? I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I’ll head over now. What’s wrong?”

“I’ll see you when you get here,” Andy said before he ended the call.

All the way to his house, I was terrified of what he wanted to tell me. I had no idea what it could be, but I was afraid that it had something to do with Jesse. I was just starting to let him go, and I wasn’t sure what I would do if I found out he had moved back.

Out of habit, I glanced at Jesse’s old house when I drove past.

A new family was living there now. They’d moved in just over a month ago. The first time I’d driven by and noticed cars in the parking spaces, I’d nearly had a panic attack. I’d run into Andy’s house, freaking out about it, until he’d calmed me down enough to tell me that it wasn’t Jesse.

“What’s up?” I asked nervously after walking into his house.

Andy had become one of my best friends, and I never bothered to knock anymore.

“Sit down. I need to talk to you,” Andy said.

“You’re starting to freak me out. What’s wrong?”

“Ally finally decided to talk to me.”

“And that’s a good thing? Should I throw a party?” I asked sarcastically.

“She told me something that I think you should know.”

“And that would be…”

“Jesse didn’t sleep with her,” Andy said quietly.

I froze. “What?”

“Ally admitted that Jesse didn’t sleep with her. I guess he was upset because you two got in a fight, so he got trashed. Ally brought him home and stayed with him. She said she did it in case you came looking for him. She didn’t want you to hurt him anymore. Of course, you did come to his house, and we know what happened after that. I’m so sorry, Emma. I’m so fucking pissed off at Ally right now. I have no idea how she could do that to either of you.”

“He didn’t cheat on me?” I whispered.

“He didn’t.”

“He tried to tell me, and I wouldn’t listen. Oh my god, I destroyed everything.” I was glad that I was already sitting down, or I would have fallen to the couch.

“Anyone in your place would have assumed the same thing.”

I put my head on my knees and started sobbing. I’d destroyed everything.

“Hey, don’t cry. This isn’t your fault,” Andy said as he rubbed my back.

“It is my fault. I should have listened to him. I have to find him!”

I tried to stand up, but Andy held me down.

“How do you plan to do that? He’s thousands of miles away, Emma. The chances of you finding him are slim to none.”

“I have to try. I can’t let him think that I hate him. He has to know that I know the truth. Maybe if he does, he’ll come back.”

“Emma, it’s been months. The chances of him coming back are even less than you finding him. You have to let him go.”

“I can’t. Please tell me that you’ll help me.”

He sighed. “We’ll try. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

Over the next month, we’d tried. Neither of us knew the last name of Trish’s boyfriend, but we knew her last name and Jesse’s. We also knew they were in West Virginia. We’d tried everything that we could think of, starting with social networks. I had gone through pages and pages of Facebook profiles, and I’d ended up with nothing. I’d looked onTwitter next and then MySpace. I’d known it was a long shot, and I had been right. Absolutely nothing had come up.

We’d searched the Web for his mom’s name, but we couldn’t find a thing. It was like neither of them existed online. Andy had checked with the post office and his landlord to see if either had left a forwarding address. Of course, they hadn’t. It was like neither of them had ever existed, period. I’d cried when Andy told me that it was time to let it go. I had known he was right, but I hadn’t wanted to accept the fact that Jesse was really gone.

When it had come time to begin submitting applications for universities, I’d started looking at a few in West Virginia. It was obvious that West Virginia University was the biggest. I knew that Trish’s boyfriend had money and that Trish had expected Jesse to go to college. I was grasping at straws, but it was all I had.

My mom had been pressuring me to pick from one of the colleges she wanted me to go to, but I’d refused to give her an answer. I’d hidden my acceptance letter from my mom, not wanting her to find out that I was leaving until the last minute. I’d never even told her about Jesse, and I hadn’t planned to. I’d started to leave her house when I turned eighteen, but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d already felt so alone, and I hadn’t been ready to go home to an empty apartment every day. My mom might not have been home much, but our staff had been. I’d been around most of them my entire life, and they were the closest thing I had to a family.

My dad had known about my relationship with Jesse, and I’d finally broken down and told him what had happened between us right before I graduated. He’d thought I was nuts to leave everything I knew in hopes of finding Jesse, but my dad had tried to understand. He’d helped me get everything ready without my mom knowing a thing.

When I’d finally told my mom where I was going, she’d flipped out on me. She’d screamed that she would cut me off and take my car. I’d calmly handed her my keys, and I’d told her that I was leaving, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

When she’d called my dad, he’d explained that he would take care of me financially, so she’d kicked me out. It hadn’t seemed to bother her that I was her only daughter, and I hadn’t been surprised by her reaction. She had never cared for me like a mom should, so why should she start now?

My dad had arranged for someone to pick me up, and I’d spent the rest of the summer in his apartment in L.A. Andy had become one of my best friends by this point, so he’d spent most of his summer at my house when he wasn’t working.